Monday, November 30, 2009

HOW TO SPOT A GAY TERRORIST

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YOMAMA BIN SHOPPIN

VIDEO: **CRAZY**

JOKE: the Rabbi's Confessional

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A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the
confessional.

In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned.

The priest asks, "What did you do?"

The woman says, "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later, a man enters the confessional. He says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times?"

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later, another woman enters and says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi: "What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery."

Rabbi: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5."

GOOD NEWS: New Device Mean the End of Superbugs

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Researchers have demonstrated a prototype device that can rid hands, feet, or even underarms of bacteria, including the hospital superbug MRSA.

The device works by creating something called a plasma, which produces a cocktail of chemicals in air that kill bacteria but are harmless to skin.

A related approach could see the use of plasmas to speed the healing of wounds.

Writing in the New Journal of Physics, the authors say plasmas could help solve gum disease or even body odour.

Plasmas are known as the fourth state of matter, after solid, liquid, and gas. They are a soup of atoms that have had their electrons stripped off by, for example, a high voltage.

Plasmas are common elsewhere in the cosmos, where high-energy processes produce them, and they are even posited as a potential source of fusion energy. Their properties have recently been harvested for use in plasma televisions.

But the new research focuses on so-called cold atmospheric plasmas.

Rather than turning a whole group of atoms into plasma, a more delicate approach strips the electrons off just a few, sending them flying.

Collisions with nearby, unchanged atoms slows down the electrons and charged atoms or ions they leave behind.

It has been known for some time that the resulting plasma is harmful to bacteria, viruses, and fungi - the approach is already used to disinfect surgical tools.

"It's actually similar to what our own immune system does," said Gregor Morfill, of the Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics, who led the research.

"The plasma produces a series of over 200 chemical reactions that involve the oxygen and nitrogen in air plus water vapour - there is a whole concoction of chemical species that can be lethal to bacteria," he told BBC News.

Professor Morfill and his colleagues have worked out the precise details of the plasma production that effectively kills off such bugs without doing harm to skin, and demonstrated a number of prototype devices that do the job efficiently.

"To produce plasmas efficiently at low cost so you can really mass produce these things for hospitals, that's the big breakthrough of the last year," Professor Morfill said.

The team says that an exposure to the plasma of only about 12 seconds reduces the incidence of bacteria, viruses, and fungi on hands by a factor of a million - a number that stands in sharp contrast to the several minutes hospital staff can take to wash using traditional soap and water.


Professor Morfill said that the approach can be used to kill the bacteria that lead to everything from gum disease to body odour.

Hospital staff can spend hours cleaning hands by traditional means
"The idea is scalable to any size, it can be produced in any shape; it's very flexible," he said.

A similar approach, using the element argon instead of plain air, has been demonstrated for application directly to wounds, and initial indications are that it speeds healing.

Michael Kong, a bioelectrics engineering researcher at Loughborough University, said it remains unclear whether those effects are through the chemical cocktail that the plasma produces, or simply from the effect of reducing the number of bacteria crowding a wound.

"Either way, it is still a very important breakthrough," Professor Kong told BBC News.

"The ideas are not new - but only recently, collectively, has this community of researchers come up with plasma sources that achieve disinfection but also have minimal impact on skin cells."

Professor Morfill said that more testing of the devices is necessary before they end up in widespread use, but he said that there is already significant interest from industry.

Skeet For Real Men

JOKE: WHAT PART GOES FIRST

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The Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven ... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"

Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"

"What a wonderful answer!," the teacher said.

Now, Tommy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think it's your legs."

The teacher looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

"Now, Tommy, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Tommy said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was moaning, 'O God, I'm coming!' And if Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd a lost her for sure!!"

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Sunday, November 29, 2009

the Captain and the Camel

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A very respected Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "Why is a camel tied to the barracks?" The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from any where, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do... uh... we have the camel." The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn't control his sexual angst any longer. He barked to his sergeant, "BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!" The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride. "So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?" he asked. The sergeant replied, "Well sir, usually they just ride it into town."

VIDEO: Oklahoma Catfish Noodlers

BELIEVE IT OR NOT..Cigarette packs patch up gaping hole in man's chest


Rao Jiacang, the man with cigarettes on his chest

Never mind nicotine patches - a DIY patient is using cigarette packets to cover up a gaping hole in his chest.

Rao Jiacang plastered the packets over himself after running out of money for crucial heart surgery.

Somehow he has survived for ten years, despite his beating heart being gruesomely visible through the paper folds.


Rao Jiacang measures up

But he is now desperate for a donor to come forward to pay for proper treatment to cover over the wound measuring seven by three inches.

Part of his ribs and skin were hacked away by surgeons in 1998, hoping to remove part of his infected lungs.

But the 51-year-old, from Taining in China's Guangdong province, says he was unable to afford the rest of the treatment after stitches were taken out.


He said: "I had the operation in 1998. I was then laid up for almost five years but gradually got used to the wound, and since 2003 I have been back on my feet.

"But no-one would give me a job and people were scared of me with the big hole in my chest.

"Because of that, I haven't dared to go outside, in case people get frightened."

He says he keeps the plaster coverings sterile, and changes the cigarette boxes several times each day.

Local doctor Wan Fi said: "It's a miracle that Rao could have lived so many years with such a massive opening in his chest."

His friend Xi Lin, 35, who was present when the plaster was changed, said: "I did not know what to expect but then I saw a heart through the hole in his chest, and it was actively beating."

An estimated one in 8,000 people are dextrocardiac - that is, their heart is not on the left hand side of their body, but slightly to the right.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT..THIS HAPPENED

BELIEVE IT OR NOT..MAY 2008

OAKLAND PARK FLORIDA

How no one smelled the horror that authorities say may have been up in Glenn Parker's overgrown tree for a year is a mystery, but the partially mummified body made itself known last week.

Tree trimmers cutting branches so BellSouth crews could service phone lines cleared enough foliage to let Parker spot a skeleton in the tree Friday, he said.

"I hope I don't find another one," said Parker, 45, on Monday.

Luckily, he said, there are no more large trees in his backyard.

Investigators removed a skeleton that had apparently been hanging in the tree since last year.

The Broward Sheriff's Office said the remains are likely those of someone who committed suicide, and foul play is not suspected.

The case remains under investigation.

Parker said investigators are checking to see if the remains could be those of his former roommate, who disappeared about a year ago.

But how nobody could have smelled the rotting corpse in Florida's broiling heat is puzzling.

"I never smelled anything," insisted Parker, who has lived in the house in the 1200 block of Northwest 43rd Street for 14 years.

His neighbors, whose backyard pool is just yards from where the body was found, said they never smelled anything, either.

The skull, Parker said, was about 5 feet off the ground, suspended in some leafy branches.

When Parker took a closer look, he said he spotted the skeleton hanging above it. That's when he called 911.

The tree has since been cut down.

Parker wonders how the tree trimmers didn't notice the skeleton.

The Sheriff's Office says it appears no one noticed it because it was camouflaged by the tree.

"It's weird," Parker said.

JOKE: REFUSING TO JUMP

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Refusing To Jump

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an aeroplane. The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news.
"So, did you jump?" the father asked.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the 'plane, and the Sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the 'plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.
"Um, not yet. Then the Sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the 'plane. I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be to get off the 'plane or he'd kick my arse."
"So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the 'plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 17 stone. He said to me, 'Boy, are you going to jump or not?' I said, 'No, Sir. I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master pulled down his zip and exposed himself. He said, Boy, either you jump out of that door, or you and i are going to have some wild time".
"So, did you jump?" asked the father. "Well, a little, at first."

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Judge Released on Good Behavior

A former Creek County judge convicted and sent to prison for indecent exposure was released from prison today.

Officials with the Roger Mills County Sheriff's Office confirmed to NewsChannel 8 that Donald Thompson was released from the Oklahoma State Reformatory in Granite today.

Thompson was convicted in 2006 on four counts of indecent exposure. Prosecutors accused the former judge of using a sexual device on himself during trials between 2001 and 2003. Thompson has denied the accusations all along.

Thompson was supposed to serve four years in prison, but was released early because of good-behavior credits given by the Department of Corrections.

As a result of his conviction, Thompson must register as a sex offender with the Sapulpa Police Department and with the Department of Corrections within three days of his release.

the Sonic Boom Phenomenon Explained

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF7h3EwBPjc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ta14puDV0VI

In this last one the plane actually explodes but both pilots ejected

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qMtnFtB38I

JOKE: Two Middle Eastern Mothers

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Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos and they start reminiscing.


'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.'
'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other mother cheerfully.
'He's a martyr now though' mum confides. 'Oh, so sad dear' says the other.


And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21'
'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born'.
'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly.
'Oh, gracious me ...' Says the other.


'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18, she whispers. 'Yes' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school' 'He's a martyr also,' saysmum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...




'They blow up so fast don't they?

*I LIKE CHINESE*

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Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Friday, November 27, 2009

THIS IS TRUE BUT YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE IT!!! w/video and wiki proof

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A "Holy Grail" Of Healing Regenerative Powder Helped Re-Grow A Man's Fingertip, And Could Change Medicine

By Wyatt Andrews CBS News

You might become a believer in the power of magic dust, when you see how a special powder re-grew the tip of Lee Spievack's finger.

He sliced off a half inch of his finger in the propeller of a hobby shop airplane. His finger never even formed a scar. "Your finger grew back flesh, blood, vessels and nail?" CBS News correspondent Wyatt Andrews reports. "Four weeks," Spievak said.

This is essentially what re-grew Spievak's finger: This powder is a medical product called extracellular matrix. Made from pig bladders, it is a mix of protein and connective tissue surgeons often use to repair tendons. But it's the matrix's unusual power to regenerate tissue that's helping launch a new field: regenerative medicine. "It tells the body, start that process of tissue re-growth," said Dr. Stephen Badylak of the University of Pittsburgh Center for Regenerative Medicine. Badylak believes the matrix somehow mobilizes cells, some of them adult stem cells whose job it is to maintain and repair injured tissue. "It will change the body from thinking that its responding to inflammation and injury to thinking that it needs to re-grow normal tissue," Badylak said. Photobucket

If this helped Mr Spievak's finger re-grow, could you grow a whole limb? "In theory," Badylak said. That theory, that it might be possible to re-grow a limb, is about to be tested by the United States Military.

The Army, working in conjuction with the University of Pittsburgh, is about to use that matrix on the amputated fingers of soldiers home from the war. Dr. Steven Wolf, at the Army Institute of Surgical Research, says the military has invested millions of dollars in Regenerative research, hoping to re-grow limbs, lost muscle, even burned skin. "And it's hard to ignore this guys missing half his skin, this guy's missing his leg," Wolf said. "Is there any way we can make that grow back? Some of that technology exists and now its time to field it."

Several different technologies for harnessing regeneration are now in clinical trials around the world. One machine, being tested in Germany, sprays a burn patient's own cells onto a burn, signaling the skin to re-grow. Badylak is about to implant matrix material - shaped like an esophagus - into patients with throat cancer. "We fully expect that this material will cause the body to re-form normal esophageal tissue," Badylak said.

Some of the most advanced tests involve the heart. This patch of material is being put on - like a band aid - to regenerate heart muscle damaged by a heart attack. And patient Mary Beth Babo is getting her own adult stem cells injected into her heart, in hopes of growing new arteries. Her surgeon is Dr. Joon Lee. "It's what we consider the Holy Grail of our field for coronary heart disease," Lee said. The Holy Grail, because if stem cells can re-grow arteries, there's less need for surgery. "If people don't have to go through that, this would be the way to go for sure," Babo said. Lee Spievak jokes he's got a 69-year-old body and a two-year-old fingertip. But his fingertip has researchers imagining a time when re-grown limbs replace prosthetics, when re-grown tissues replace surgery, when the body does its healing with its own cells from within.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AppsEtEGzSA

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/02/07/eveningnews/main3805318.shtml

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Badylak

http://www.mirm.pitt.edu/people/bios/Badylak1.asp

JACK OR JILL ??

JOKE: Naked Woman in the Golf Course

golf ball gif

A very avid golfer was lined up and ready on the 17th tee when out of the woods came a naked girl who ran past him and into the woods on the other
side of the tee.

Being the avid golfer he was, he once again beared down on the ball and right in the middle of his backswing a guy in a white coat ran out of the woods and asked him if a naked lady ran past.

Our golfer said, "Yes, she ran into the woods".

The guy in the white coat said thanks and ran after her.

Our golfer again prepared to hit the ball when all of a sudden another man in a white coat came out of the woods carrying a 5 gallon bucket of sand and asked if he had seen a man in a white coat come through her chasing a naked lady.

He said yes, they ran that way through the woods.

The man said thanks and started to run off when the golfer stopped him and
asked, "Hey, what's going on?"

The guy explained, "You see, we work at a sanitarium nearby. Every now and then that girl gets away and, all she wants to do is get naked and make love."

The golfer then asked, "Well, what's the bucket of sand for???"

The guy in the white coat said, "Oh, that's my handicap. You see, I caught her the last time!!"

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

VIDEO: JESSICA THE PET HIPPOPOTAMUS

*HOW TO WASH YOUR CAR WITH ONLY ONE BUCKET OF WATER*

ARCHIVE: WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS..BEAT UP YOUR LAWYER

William E. Lehman didn't like the way his trial was going, saying he thought his court-appointed lawyer had "sabotaged" his defense.

So he beat him up.

Lehman, 58, of Chisholm, Minn., who was on trial for assault, had asked the judge for a new attorney. The judge said no.

After everyone returned from a break, Lehman attacked public defender Mark Groettum from behind, locking his arm around his neck and punching him repeatedly in the face.

A chair was knocked over, and both men ended up on the floor.

"Blood was all over Groettum, the counsel table and the floor of the courtroom," according to a court document.

And it all happened in front of the jury, the judge and all the others in the Hibbing courtroom.

Groettum told 6th Judicial District Judge James Florey that ethically he could no longer be Lehman's attorney. Lehman asked for another lawyer, but the judge turned him down. Lehman was forced to represent himself for the rest of the trial.

The Minnesota Court of Appeals on Tuesday agreed with Florey's decision, writing in a published opinion that a defendant gives up his right to a court-appointed lawyer when he beats up the one he has.

"No court can carry on its business in an atmosphere of violence, fear and intimidation," Court of Appeals Judge Francis Connolly wrote for the three-judge panel that included Judges Thomas Kalitowski and David Minge.

"We are aware that forfeiting a defendant's right to court-appointed counsel is an extreme

sanction," Connolly continued. "But the outrageous and manipulative conduct of appellant in this instance justified the district court's decision."

The district judge believed the attack was an attempt by Lehman to provoke a mistrial in the case, the appeals court said.

Lehman was punished for his outburst in other ways.

For the remainder of the trial, the judge ordered him shackled and dressed in his orange jail suit. Inmates are normally given the right to wear street clothes during a trial so the jury is not biased by their appearance.

Lehman's appeals attorney, Mark Nyvold of the state public defender's office, declined to comment on the case.

In his brief to the Court of Appeals, Nyvold wrote that Lehman was entitled to a hearing before the court determined he wouldn't get a new lawyer. No such hearing took place.

He also wrote that Lehman had a right to be present when the attorneys and judge were discussing whether he should be shackled and dressed in jail garb.

Whether the right to an attorney can be forfeited appears not to have been considered by a court in Minnesota until Tuesday's ruling, the appeals court said.

The St. Louis County trial, which took place in July 2006, centered on a case in which Lehman was charged with knifing two men during a dispute about their loud music. In his defense, he said he feared the neighbors were scheming to steal money from him.

The incident was one of several in Lehman's long criminal history, which includes assault, armed robbery and an armed escape from custody, according to the criminal complaint in the case.

Despite that history, his attorney, Groettum, said the attack took him by surprise.

Had he ever been beaten up by a client before? "I've never been beaten up by anybody!" he said.

Since beginning his career in 1982, Groettum, 50, has worked part time for the public defender's office and part time on private cases, ranging from family law to bankruptcy to criminal cases. But he hasn't been the victim of violence.

In the Lehman case, Groettum bled profusely from the face and nose and suffered a cut lip and a black eye.

Lehman was convicted and is serving 14 years at the Moose Lake state prison. For the attack on the lawyer, the judge threw in another six months for contempt of court.

Pssst... Come Here.. Cosmo Has a Sure Fire Money Maker For You

Photobucket Copper is currently trading in world markets at $3.15 per pound. It takes 145 copper pennies to make a pound. $1.45 for $3.15...hmm sounds like a good deal.. increasing your money 2.17 times .. so you want in?

VIDEO: Rockabilly Rules ..Stray Cats ..Sweet

VIDEO: CAT AND FOX..BUDDIES

The Fennec Fox is considered the only species of fox which can properly be kept as a pet. Although it cannot be considered domesticated, it can be kept in a domestic setting similar to dogs or cats. This is legal in the USA, Canada, Japan and other countries. In the United States and Canada there is a relatively established community of Fennec Fox owners and breeders. Pet Fennec Foxes, being the most social among foxes, are usually very friendly towards strangers and other household pets. However, they are extremely active, and need outlets for their energy; they may exhaust other household pets with their playfulness. Moreover, instinctual behaviors, such as hiding caches of food in case of famine and attempting to burrow into furniture to build a nest, can also add to the difficulty of their care. Fennec Foxes are often not able to be housebroken, although a few owners have reported being able to litter-train their Fennec Foxes. Photobucket ~fennec fox~

VIDEO: La Bomba - King Africa

JOKE:GRANDPA'S VIAGRA

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Grandpa and Grandma were living with their son and daughter-in-law.

Grandpa noticed that his son had a bottle of Viagra and asked if he could have one.

His son said, "Dad, I don't think you should take one - they're very strong and expensive."

Grandpa said, "I know, but I want to try one. How much are they??"

His son replied, "$10 each."

Grandpa only had a $50 bill but was going to the bank. He told his son that he would leave $10 under his pillow that night.

The next morning his son found $110 under his pillow and said, "Dad, I told you it was only $10. There's $110 under my pillow!"

Grandpa said, "That's ok, the other $100 is from Grandma!"

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

VIDEO: Old Crow Medicine Show-Down Home Girl

OMG: MARRIED AND DIVORCED 11 TIMES!!

Bonnie Ashley still keeps her favorite wedding gown in her bedroom but says she never plans to marry again -- at least, not without really getting to know the guy first.

There is a little girl in Bonnie Ashley that peeks out every once in a while.

"Look how handsome my daddy was!" she says near the door of her home after two hours of describing some of the details of her 32-year stretch of 11 marriages and 11 divorces.

None lasted more than two years, and her last one, less than two years ago, clocked in at 45 days. Appropriately, it was in Las Vegas.

She left one cheating husband -- the third or fourth -- alone in a motel room with no clothes.

But looking at her father's picture, small and black and white, Ashley, 53, seems giddy, in love with life, even coy.

She has written a self-published memoir "Ex-Husband in the Freezer" (Outskirts Press, $16.95), chronicling her first eight marriages and divorces. She's working on a sequel that will examine her last three marriages and divorces -- all to and from the same man -- as well as the consequences of a torrid affair.

The first book is clear about how her father, a minister, and that same daddy looking sleek and debonair in the picture, set her up for disappointment.

"He was oblivious to my feelings and had no sympathy for my state of grief," she writes at one point about him and her attempt to hug him at her mother's funeral. "The preacher who who had so much sympathy for complete strangers who lost loved ones had none for his own daughter."

Less than a minute after showing off his picture, as she stands on her porch, the little girl goes away and the Salisbury, Md.-native's eyes well with tears.

"When I read that book I wrote, I just want to take that little girl in my arms and tell her everything will be all right," she says. "Then, I realize that little girl is me."

Ashley has been attempting to outgrow that little girl for more than five decades.

Like her story, however, it's a work in progress: It's only been two weeks since she kicked a man out of her house.

Then again, she didn't marry this one.

"I've learned some things," she says.

Kind of.

You can look at it comically, says Ashley's best friend for 25 years, Pat Paladino of Magnolia.

"When we just sit here together and talk about the times she's been through and the way she tells the stories, we're in constant hysterics," she says. "When she came back to Delaware from Las Vegas two years ago, we must have sat outside on our deck for hours just laughing."

They were laughing about the guy she had married three times, the one with salt-and-pepper hair whose sexual technique Ashley still extols with shining eyes.

Dealing with the demons of her past

There's something disconcerting about the way Bonnie Ashley riffles through the divorce papers, marriage licenses, and photographs of the men with whom she's briefly shared her life.

She cudgels her memory for dates and the reasons why she divorced, or even married to begin with.

"I don't see how people expect me to remember all this B.S.," she says.

The documents and pictures fit in a box, fading there like her recollections of the men they represent.

The box also holds mementos from her family, including pictures and doggerel from her mother, who died of cancer, making fun of how many different last names her daughter earned over the decades.

She was born Bonnie Raye Brittingham, one of five children, to an itinerant preacher. Because the family moved so much, she never latched on to friends.

She's had as many different last names as she's had places she's moved: Maryland to Delaware, Texas, South Carolina, Florida, Arizona, Nevada, and Delaware again.

Is Ashley her last married name?

"After you've been married and divorced 11 times, who cares?" she asks.

What's really important in the world of self-published memoirs is learning how to enjoy putting yourself out there while exorcising demons, slowly squeezing out the soaked sponge of a water-logged soul that stubbornly retained each adolescent slight, each nasty remark dripped on it by your old man or your mean-spirited brother.

Some of us just get over that stuff.

Some of us don't, but hide it really well.

Some of us just plain don't.

Instead, Bonnie Ashley got married, repeatedly, looking for a man who will finally love her like daddy should have, in a forever-attempt not be the worst thing that little Bonnie was taught she could have been.

"I was desperate, not dumb," Ashley says. "I was taught that a man took care of you. So each time I didn't have one, I heard, 'Old Maid!'

"That's what my dad called any single woman over 25."

There is something ironic about the fact that Ashley now is an unmarried woman in her 50s, with a little sign hanging in her kitchen that reminds everyone, "You Are the Author of Your Own Life."

A good man is hard to find

Needless to say -- but said regardless and repeatedly -- men are shallow.

"I'm sure there's a good man out there," Bonnie Ashley says. "But I don't know him, and my friends don't know him, either."

Men only need three things to be happy, she discovered: a remote control, food in their belly and sex.

"We're wired differently," Ashley says of her own gender. "I can't expect a man to be nurturing, to know my favorite color. There's just not as much depth to a man as there is to a woman."

Fine, so why marry so often?

"I told my mom that I would marry 27 times till I got it right," she says.

She wanted to feel secure. She wanted to be loved.

But she just got tired after 11 tries.

Ashley in part blames her rabid rate of divorce on the fact that she cannot have children.

"I don't think I would have just walked out on them if we had kids," she says.

She has gotten over some things.

She doesn't care what anyone calls her, even her old man.

"When you write a book about it, you don't care," she says. "[Expletive] all of you. That's my attitude."

She'll never marry again, she says.

"I'll sleep around, but that's all."

Ashley says that her life is rounded not by a sleep, but by a curse: the curse of birth , and the curse of death.

"In between, life is painful, sad, empty and lonely."

It's not that she wants to die, she insists: "I'd rather never have been born. I did not ask to be born."

But take heart, reader. Bonnie Ashley has some things to teach you, and it's not all gloom.

"Here's why women should read my book," she says. "So they understand what can happen if you marry someone you really don't know."

It's a lesson she recently learned.

Even after the 11 marriages and divorces, she asked this last guy (the one she kicked out of the house two weeks ago) to ask her to marry him. She did this only a few weeks after they met.

He refused.

With your track record, he told her, I'd have to know you for a long time.

"It was such a rude awakening," she says.

He moved in for a while, moved out, then came back until she finally kicked him out.

"Someone had to force me to learn how not to want to get married," she says.

Meanwhile, she's writing the sequel, of her last triad of Las Vegas weddings and divorces, all with the same guy, and with whom the sex was great.

And she'll write a book about her two suicide attempts.

"I have so much to tell people," she says.

She's writing for those perennial self-help reasons: Maybe, Ashley says, I can help you not make the same mistakes I did.

But one can't help but ask, just one more time: Will you ever get married again?

The little girl comes back, smiling, too coy for words.

Maybe?

"The only difference now is I don't want to be married just to be married," she says. "I need to get to know you first."

Well, that's something, anyway.

JOKE: EMAIL FROM GOD

Pearly Gates,heaven

Email From God

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time.

When she returned she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth...95% is bad and 5% is good." Well, He thought for a moment and said "Maybe I had better send down a male angel to get both points of view."

So God called a male angel and sent him to Earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline, 95% is bad and only 5% is good."

God was saddened at the confirmation of the bad news.He decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good and encourage them, a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that e-mail said?

Oh, you didn't get one either?!!

JOKE: The Nun

bush pope

The new nun goes to her first confession.

She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.

The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."

The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

The Sad Demise of John Odom: Traded for 10 Baseball Bats

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John C. Odom (January 6, 1982 - November 5, 2008) was a minor league baseball right-handed pitcher notable for being traded for ten baseball bats. Because of this event he was known to fans as "Bat Man," "Bat Guy" and "Bat Boy".

Odom, 6-foot-2, described himself as a "lost youth." He was kicked off of his high school baseball team in Roswell, Georgia. He then played two seasons for the Tallahassee Community College baseball team, going 6-1 with a 2.75 ERA in 2004. In 2003, he was drafted in the 44th round by the San Francisco Giants. He played for the Giants' affiliates Salem Keizer Volcanoes in 2004 & 2006, and the Augusta Greenjackets in 2005. He missed most of the 2005 season because of a right elbow injury, having Tommy John surgery(tendon replacement) in June 2005. He did not play in 2007 due to a dislocated left shoulder.In three seasons and 140.1 career innings in the Giants' farm system, Odom compiled a 3.98 ERA and averaged 7.35 strikeouts per nine innings.He was minor league teammates with Tim Lincecum, Cy Young Award winner 2009 and Kevin Frandsen.

The Giants released Odom during spring training 2008. He then signed in May with the Calgary Vipers of the Golden Baseball League, but a mark on his criminal record, a 1999 conviction for aggravated assault when he was a minor, prevented his entry into Canada. The Vipers offered Odom to the Laredo Broncos for a Bronco player, but that player refused to move to Calgary. The Broncos then offered $1000 cash for Odom, but the Vipers felt cash deals made the team appear financially unstable. The teams then came to an agreement on May 20 to exchange Odom for ten Prairie Sticks maple bats, worth a total of $665.

In Laredo, they called him "Bat man", and played the Batman Theme when he took the mound. After a bad outing on June 5 in Amarillo, Texas, the heckling from fans and even an umpire was more than he could handle. Although his following outing in San Angelo on June 10 went well, he decided to leave the team.

On November 5, 2008 Odom died of an accidental overdose from heroin, methamphetamine, benzylpiperazine and alcohol. There being no police report and no explanation of how his body got to the hospital, the medical examiner had little to go on. Inspired by Odom's tattoo, which read "Poena Par Sapientia" (Pain equals wisdom), the medical examiner did a Google search and discovered Odom's baseball past. In hindsight, Dan Shwam, Odom's former Broncos manager, suggests the media and fan response to the trade "drove him back to the bottle, that it put him on the road to drugs again."

The ten bats that the Vipers received for Odom were never used, and the Vipers plan to auction them off for charity. Ripley's Believe It or Not! offered $10,000 for them.

Monday, November 23, 2009

VIDEO: I LOVE BELUGA WHALES

VIDEO: I DON'T WANT TO WORK

Shyla the Chihuahua and Her Kittens

A cat-loving chihuahua cross has given hope to a litter of seven abandoned kittens by suckling them as their surrogate mother.

For the last two weeks Shyla has been suckling the tiny moggies, who are now three weeks old and thriving.

While the two-year-old dog has never had any puppies of her own, owner Angela McFall said Shyla has always been a cat fancier.

"She prefers cats. She gets a bit bossy with dogs, whereas she loves cats,'' McFall said.

A cross between a fox terrier and a chihuahua, Shyla first nursed a ginger kitten brought home by McFall last year.

McFall, who works as a veterinarian, said dogs that have had a season on heat sometimes experience a false pregnancy.

"They start producing milk and they get quite hormonal. Shyla started nursing [the ginger kitten] which was quite sweet but unusual,'' she said.

McFall said that kittens hand-reared by humans needed bottle-feeding every two hours and were more likely to die.

She said that dog and cat powdered milk formulas were generally the same so it was likely Shyla's milk contained the right nutrients for cats.

Two weeks ago, when another veterinary clinic found a litter of stray kittens, Shyla was brought in as a foster mum.

"Shyla protects them. I've got two other dogs at home, bigger dogs. If they go near the kittens, watch out.

"Shyla cleans their bottoms and lays with them all the time. They are growing really strong and healthy,'' she said.

McFall said although it was unusual, it was not that rare and recently learned that Shyla is not the only canine surrogate in the country.

A three-year-old Dunedin chihuahua named Anna is currently nursing three two-week-old kittens.

The unwanted Persians were adopted by Anna's owner Carole Wiffen last Friday.

Anna, who had a litter of five puppies earlier this year, was nursing the kittens by Sunday.

Interspecies adoption isn't against the laws of the jungle either, as documentary makers for National Geographic found in 2006.

While in Botswana the crew filmed a leopard killing an adult baboon, unaware it was creating an orphan of a one-day-old baby clinging to its mother's belly.

When the leopard heard the tiny baby cry out, she gently picked it up in her mouth and carried it up a tree, as if it were her own cub.

The mismatched pair huddled in the tree all night, but by morning the tiny baboon had died. It was simply too small to survive without its natural mother.

Documentary maker Derek Joubert told the UK's Daily Mail that the leopard was like a mother cat rather than a predator with its prey.

"She forgot momentarily that she was a hunter. It was quite extraordinary and very moving to watch,'' he said.

83 Year Old Hugh Hefner Almost Died Having Sex

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HANDS FULL: Hugh Hefner turned Playboy into a symbol for a lifestyle he embodied as bachelor extraordinaire, living in a mansion surrounded by wealth and beautiful women


The 83-year-old Playboy publisher - who is currently dating Crystal Harris and twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon - choked on a sex toy while in bed with a group of his girlfriends.
He revealed: "What is the closest I've come to death? There was a moment when I was having sex with four Playmates and I almost swallowed a Ben Wa ball."
The media mogul also revealed he prefers to spend most of his time in bed, doing as many activities as possible there.
He added: "My most treasured possession is my rotating round bed.
"I don't have dinner parties - I eat my dinner in bed. I relax with my girls in bed, just watching a movie and having a good time.
"If I had to dress up in fancy dress, I'd wear my pyjamas."
However, Hugh admits the aging process is starting to affect his sleep patterns.
He said: "I need to go to the toilet several times a night - that comes with age."

ESCAPING THE MONDAY BLUES: MANO NEGRA - KING OF BONGO

Cosmo�Tested~ Mother Approved

~ADORABLE~

"pssst I know how to bust you outta here"

Two year-old Evelyn-Marie Dewhurst, 2, of Reikorangi N.Z., and a 23 inch tall American Miniature Horse prove that the cutest things come in small packages.

Talking mapgie tops pecking order as cat befriends birds

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THREE AMIGOS: Maggy the magpie, Pussy the cat and Yellow Bird the yellow bird - three unlikely friends - were reluctant to perform for the camera. The trio see nothing unusual in their friendship.

In the Garden of Eden the lion lay with the lamb, but in one garden in Waitara, New Zealand the magpie plays with the cat.

Adele Crofskey and Barney Smart's Princess St farmlet is home to goats, guinea fowl, pigs, sheep, ducks, cows and peacocks.

But the star of this menagerie is undoubtedly Maggy, the talking magpie who may or may not realise it is not a human and definitely does not realise her best mate, Pussy, is an instinctive bird eater.

"Go away. Go away," she squawked at Adele as she tried to coax her to play with the cat.

"She's grumpy because Barney picked her up down in the back paddock and brought her in here for a photo. She's sulking now.''

"Go away. Go away,'' the bird continued to whine.

The bird was found as a chick by Barney on one of his possum lines. Though of rough looking exterior, the long-time possum, deer and goat hunter couldn't leave a bird in need.

He brought her home and the pair hand-raised the bird for the past few years.

She now welcomes guests with the blunt "What do you want?'', has a colourful way of telling visitors where to park and frequently pretends to be a rooster.

"I don't think she knows she's a magpie'' Barney says.

Just as there are suspicions the cat, Pussy, doesn't know he is a cat. He has reportedly never tried to eat Maggy or the yellow bird, naturally called Yellow Bird, who is their frequent companion.

The trio play and sleep together but part for meal times.

"Well, Pussy's never been much of a hunter or he would have eaten Yellow Bird,'' Adele says, adding that the confused cat's usual diet is fresh rabbit meat, shot by Barney of course.

"We've always called Maggy 'Maggy' and Yellow Bird 'Yellow Bird'. I suppose we just never found a name that fit right for the cat so we always called her Pussy.

"I always wanted a cat that was called Calici, you know like the virus but we could never agree,'' Adele says.

JOKE: George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show

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George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and bragged, that despite his 97 years, he could still have sex three times a night. After the show, Oprah said, "George, if I'm not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place.

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, George says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for a half hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand."

She says okay. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. George says, "Oprah, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand."

Oprah says,"Great, George, but tell me, does my holding your organs stimulate you while you're sleeping?"

George replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a black woman, she stole my wallet."

Sunday, November 22, 2009

VIDEO: CROW AND CAT..BEST FRIENDS

DEAR ABBY: My Husband Spends a Lot of Time in Erotic Chat Rooms

man at pc

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for many years. We have three happy, successful children and a good life together. I love him dearly.

I recently discovered that he had been spending a lot of time in erotic online chat rooms. He had hundreds of contacts he was speaking with regularly for pleasure. It had escalated to the point that he would have "conversations" with them on the phone or watch them on a webcam.

After I caught him, he promised to stop. I caught him again and threatened to leave him. He swore that he had never met any of these people and that he had used a fictitious name. He's now getting counseling and expects me to get beyond it. I am trying, but I feel betrayed. I feel as though he was unfaithful.

I am sure you have other readers out there who have experienced Internet infidelity. Do you consider it cheating if they never actually physically meet the people they talk to? I have no one to discuss this with and would appreciate some input. -- JUST PLAIN SAD IN MAINE

DEAR JUST PLAIN SAD: Yes, I do consider it a form of cheating. And it would be in your interest to get to the bottom of why this happened before you "get beyond it."

You're feeling sad because you were betrayed. And the fact that you have no one to discuss it with makes me sad. That's why I'm advising you that you could also benefit from counseling, and I recommend that you seek a referral right away.

JOKE: The Christmas Tree Angel

lol tree Pictures, Images and Photos

One particular Christmas season a long time ago,
Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was
coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found
that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the
boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on
his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?

Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

JOKE: The Pope and His Driver

pope funny

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

VIDEO: Cool Plane..Multipurpose Amphibious Aircraft

The Beriev Be-200 Altair is a multipurpose amphibious aircraft designed by the Beriev Aircraft Company and manufactured by Irkut. Marketed as being designed for fire fighting, search and rescue, maritime patrol, cargo and passenger transportation, it has a capacity of 12 tonnes (12,000 litres) of water, or up to 72 passengers.[1]

The name Altair was chosen after a competition amongst Beriev and Irkut staff in 2002/2003. The name Altair was chosen as it is not only the name of the alpha star in the Eagle constellation, but also because "Al" is the first part of the name of the A-40 amphibious aircraft Albatross, whose layout was the development basis for the creation of the Be-200, "ta" stands for Taganrog, and "ir" stands for Irkutsk.

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