JOKE: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, give me your answers"

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind.... but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song,

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."

Born on the same day in the same hospital,they will marry June 12

Amy Singley met Steven Smith on the first day of their lives. Little did they know that they had become betrothed at birth.

Sort of.

Jacqueline Smith and Janis Singley, quite by accident, found themselves in the same hospital room on April 17, 1986. Steve was born about 9:30 a.m., minutes behind his twin “older” brother Scott. Amy was born five minutes after her mother arrived at St. Luke’s Hospital in Fountain Hill.
“We were roommates,” Janis Singley said while sitting in the kitchen of their Sexton Road home near Jacobsburg Park.

The couple will celebrate their wedding with a "vintage" reception at the State Theatre in Easton. This poster of the two of them will be one of several that will be in frames usually reserved for movie posters.Of course, Smith didn’t propose to Singley on that day. That didn’t come until 23 years later.

The two families knew each other through their church, then St. Joseph Catholic Church in Easton. The South Side church has since been renamed Our Lady of Mercy after merging in 2008 with nearby parishes.

Harry and Janis Singley and Scott and Jacqueline Smith lived in Easton at the time of their children’s births.

As the soon-to-be star-struck lovers grew up, they interacted through church activities.

“I basically just knew she was the girl with the same birthday as me,” Steve said.

When they became sophomores in high school, Steve asked Amy to go to the movies with him.

“We saw ‘Vanilla Sky’ with Tom Cruise,” she said.

Their parents drove.

Harry Singley is thrilled by the upcoming June 12 nuptials, including a reception at the State Theatre in Easton.

“I knew he was the right guy for me after our second date,” Amy said.

How did she know?

“It was kind of like looking for a house. When you find the right one, you just know."

By the way, the couple just bought a house in Palmer Township.

Her father knew long ago.

“I always knew this was the guy for Amy, and he’s a really nice guy,” he beamed.
Amy says that view goes beyond the family.

“Everybody says we were destined to be together,” she said.

On the first anniversary of their first date, Steve wrote a poem for her. It’s called “Destiny."

Steve attended Notre Dame High School of Green Pond in Bethlehem Township, Pa. To be closer to him, Amy transferred from Nazareth Area High School to Notre Dame. Both then attended Millersville University. Steve graduated with a degree in meteorology, but he works as a sales representative for a specialty foods company.

Amy is a seventh-grade learning support teacher at Nazareth Area Middle School. Of the impending nuptials, she said, “My kids are going to be so confused. I’m leaving as Miss Singley and returning as Mrs. Smith."

What kind of guy is Steve?
On the seventh anniversary of their first date, the young man, who by this time was almost like a member of the family, slipped into Amy’s bedroom while she and her parents were out and put reflective stars on her ceiling.
When Amy came home and turned her light off, the stars blazed above her with an expression of Steve’s adoration.

Why does he love her?

“She complements me,” Steve said. “I’m more relaxed, and she’s more on the ball. She’s my best friend."

Why does she love him?

“He puts up with me,” Amy said. “He’s laid back. I’m more hyper. I love him for being my other half and for supporting me through everything. He is the most amazing and caring individual I have ever met.”

VIDEO: Tarbender..I'll Have Another

Mood Elevator...La Bomba - King Africa

Rustlers Nabbed With 14 Sheep Inside Car

Fourteen sheep were found bound and crammed into a car stopped by police in the Hastings suburb of Flaxmere, New Zealand early today.

Police described the treatment of the sheep as "disgusting and an unnecessary act of cruelty".

Two men, 23 and 16, were arrested and are expected to appear in Hastings District Court today.

Sergeant Eden Sewell said police tried to stop a Mazda four-door saloon in Flaxmere about 3am.

A short pursuit took place and occupants ran from the car when it stopped in a local park.

"Police recovered 14 sheep from the boot and interior," Mr Sewell said.
All had been bound with ropes and crammed into the wheel well and the foot wells of the back seat.

"The sheep were all stolen from local farms and were very distressed. Animal control attended and removed the sheep, two of which have died as a result of the treatment," he said.

The condition of the remaining 12 was not known.

(more news as it becomes available from your official sheep rustling blog)

Police cover murder suspect's 'moobs' for the sake of public decency

You would think that the Los Angeles Police Department had seen it all before.
But murder suspect Eduardo Ibarra Perez stands out from the rest on their 'Most Wanted List' - quite literally.

His bare-chested mugshot was considered so offensive that the authorities decided to cover his saggy man boobs with a flesh-coloured bar.

The police department's website states Perez had a history of domestic violence and that, during an argument, he threatened to kill his wife.

The suspect then shot his victim in the head.

Why they photographed him naked, however, remains a mystery.
An LAPD spokesman told Mail Online they would provide an explanation at a later date.

His profile lists him as having 'no tatoos or oddities' - and that he was born in 1965, making him a very old 29-year-old indeed - which only adds to his mystique.

The entry ends with a warning that he should not be approached as he is 'considered armed and dangerous'.
Perhaps they should have added a line about those killer moobs.

VIDEO: Miracle Kitten Survives Wash And Spin

Kimba the kitten was making herself comfy in the dirty laundry at her home in Australia when her owner switched on the machine, not knowing she was inside.

Thirty minutes later Kimba emerged drenched, bruised and soapy - but alive, not to mention much cleaner.

After a check-over at the vets she was back safe in her basket and, said her owner, "purring like a little motor".

JOKE: A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".

The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have any bronze politicians"

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