Monday, November 2, 2009

JOKE: Stumpy and Martha went to the fair

fly,plane,jet, One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, Martha, I think I really should try that. Martha replies, I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10. So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, Martha, I m 70 now, and I don t know if I ll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane. Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

The pilot pipes up, Excuse me folks, I couldn t help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I ll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I ll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each. Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn t make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff. Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!

JOKE: The Three Kick Rule

Photobucket A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next two kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck, now it's my turn."

The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

the Oasis of the Seas

I've been trying to find better photos of this floating monstrosity but so far no luck. Royal Caribbean has controlled the photos it allows and the media has gotten most of them. Interestingly this ship almost didn't make it out to sea. The smokestacks on the ship had to be lowered just so it could pass under a bridge in Denmark and begin it's passage to it's home port in Fort Lauderdale Florida.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oasis_of_the_Seas

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