JOKE: A HOOKER, A RABBI, A 3 LEGGED DOG AND A DUCK

walk into a bar and sit down.

The bartender says "is this some kind of a joke?"

Woman Swiped Ring From Dying Sister's Hand

Geraldine Magda sat next to the nursing home bed of her dying sister and held her left hand.

Later that day, police in Austin, Minn., found the dead woman's wedding ring in Magda's purse, and now Magda finds herself charged with two felonies.

Magda, 44, of Mapleview, Minn., was charged Wednesday with two felonies: theft and possession of stolen property.

According to police, Magda visited Mary Ulwelling, 58, at the ComforCare Nursing Home in Austin on New Year's Day, where her terminally ill sister only had a few hours to live.

Other relatives were present and noticed that Ulwelling's gold wedding ring with diamonds, valued at $2,500, was missing after Magda had visited.

Questioned by police, Magda said she sat next to her sister's bed and held the dying woman's left hand but denied taking the ring.

With Magda's consent, police searched her purse and found the ring in a prescription pill container. Magda said she didn't know how the ring got there.

Relatives told police that Magda has previously stolen jewelry from family members.

Mary and Paul Ulwelling were married in Las Vegas in the summer of 1999.

'Dumped' Mistress Posts Billboards

A woman has reportedly taken revenge for being dumped by her married lover by plastering huge billboard posters across the US showing the couple together.

The giant images of YaVaughnie Wilkins and Charles E Phillips in happier times have the words "You are my soulmate forever!" above them.

Ms Wilkins is thought to have commissioned the public adverts when Mr Phillips, who is a computer software boss and an adviser to President Obama, decided to go back to his wife.

One high-profile poster was placed in New York's Times Square while others were put up in Atlanta and San Francisco, where she lives. They are thought to have cost her a total of $225,000.

The billboards, which are three storeys high, also feature a link to a shrine-like website, (sadly no longer working), containing over 1200 photos of Ms Wilkins and Mr Phillips together from 2001 to 2009. The site also has 65 karaoke tracks and about 35 articles written by Ms Wilkins.

Mr Phillips, who is president of the giant Oracle Corporation, admitted: "I had an eight-and-a-half-year serious relationship with YaVaughnie Wilkins. My divorce proceedings began in 2008. "The relationship with Ms. Wilkins has since ended and we both wish each other well."

Fed Up Homeowner Graffitis His Own House To Spite Developer

Everett Washington homeowner Paul Larson says a developer excavated land surrounding his home five years ago to make way for a large subdivision. The work, he says, left behind sinkholes, toppled trees, a ruptured septic tank and waterline.

Instead of spending thousands of dollars to fight the developers in court, he decided to spend a couple hundred dollars on paint to graffiti his own house to make the neighbourhood a little less attractive to potential buyers.

JOKE: Three black men

This is a non-politically correct "guy" story. I trust you will handle it accordingly.

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.

The curator of the gallery went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple.

"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all! They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

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