Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the U.S. by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.
"Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
A U.S. Navy superweapon could rapidly fire hundreds of projectiles to shoot down missile swarms, deliver devastating broadsides to far-off enemy warships, or bombard coastal defenses from hundreds of miles offshore. But first, the Navy must create a system capable of delivering pulsed power to its futuristic railgun weapon.
The Navy wants to transform its single-shot experimental railgun into a full-fledged military weapon capable of firing six to 10 rounds per minute in "bursts of 100s of shots," according to a new request for information to the defense industry. Such a weapon uses the power of electromagnetism rather than chemical propellants to launch projectiles at 4,500 mph to 5,600 mph across hundreds of miles.
Railguns are being researched as weapons with projectiles that do not contain explosives, but are given extremely high velocities: 3,500 m/s (11,500 ft/s, approximately Mach 10 at sea level) or more (for comparison, the M16 rifle has a muzzle speed of 930 m/s, or 3,050 ft/s), which would make their kinetic energy equal or superior to the energy yield of an explosive-filled shell of greater mass. This would allow more ammunition to be carried and eliminate the hazards of carrying explosives in a tank or naval weapons platform. Also, by firing at greater velocities railguns have greater range, less bullet drop and less wind drift, bypassing the inherent cost and physical limitations of conventional firearms.
If it were possible to apply the technology as a rapid-fire automatic weapon, a railgun would have further advantages of increased rate of fire. The feed mechanisms of a conventional firearm must move to accommodate the propellant charge as well as the ammunition round, while a railgun would only need to accommodate the projectile. Furthermore, a railgun would not have to extract a spent cartridge case from the breech, meaning that a fresh round could be cycled almost immediately after the previous round has been shot.
"The next phase of the development effort is to demonstrate the ability to operate at a firing rate of significant military utility," said Roger Ellis, program manager of Electromagnetic Railgun at the Office of Naval Research.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Joe Ayoob, former college star quarterback throws a John Collins design, officially breaking the world record by 19 feet, 6 inches. The new world record, once verified by Guinness, will be 226 feet, 10 inches.The current record is 207 feet and 4 inches set by Stephen Kreiger in 2003.
Seamus' father James will mark his birthday on February 29, a date which only comes around every four years as a leap day.
While Mr Clarke is actually 44, in 2012 he will only ever have celebrated 11 birthdays on his actual birth date as one of a select batch of leap year babies.
Despite missing out on a total of 33 birthdays since 1968, the car salesman admitted being born in a leap year does have its benefits.
'I'm used to missing out on my real birthday, but being born in a leap year did have its benefits when I was at school,' he said.
'You know what children are like - especially boys. We were always giving each other birthday bumps or beats.
'But I usually got away with it because on February 28 I'd tell them "it's my birthday tomorrow" and then on March 1 I'd say "my birthday was yesterday".'
Seamus will turn 11 just hours before on February 28, something he has enjoyed reminding his father of ahead of a planned joint party.
'Seamus finds it hilarious that he will turn 11 before me,' revealed James.
'He's been telling all of his friends at school and they have a good laugh - it's a real big deal for him.'
A leap day occurs as a result of the accumulation of six additional hours every year over a period of four years as the earth orbits the sun.
Leap year babies can either celebrate their birthday on February 28 or March 1, while it is also seen as an opportunity for women to go against tradition and propose to their partners.
As the absent-minded professor prepared to leave for work, his wife told him, "Don't forget: we're moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon, it'll be empty."
But predictably, he didn't remember until he was standing before the empty house. He mumbled, "Where were we moving?"
A little girl skated past. He asked, "Excuse me, little girl. Did you see a moving van here today?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Can you tell me where it went?"
She said, "Sure, Daddy. I'll show you!"
VIDEO: Eccentric Man Gives Hilarious Rant Speech At City Council After Being Arrested For Using The F-Word
This was on public access after the WTO protests in Seattle. Guy snaps in front of the Seattle City Council. Watch the end with a standing ovation and what the council member says.
As the absent-minded professor prepared to leave for work, his wife told him, "Don't forget: we're moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon, it'll be empty."
But predictably, he didn't remember until he was standing before the empty house. He mumbled,
"Where were we moving?"
A little girl skated past. He asked, "Excuse me, little girl. Did you see a moving van here today?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Can you tell me where it went?"
She said, "Sure, Daddy. I'll show you!"
Monday, February 27, 2012
The icy roads of Russia are a popular place for terrifying and horrible car accidents. In the Petushki district on highway M-7, a Nissan SUV lost control and bumped into a small truck next to it. That caused the Nissan to speed directly into the opposite lane of traffic where it was literally crushed by a speeding semi truck. The entire scene was caught on dash camera.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they never had sex. "We'll have to wait until we are married," she told him.
So he waits.
They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says "I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don't want our first time to be all bloody!"
John says, "You're kidding!"
Mary says, "We'll just have to wait a bit longer."
Mary goes to sleep, and wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling.
"There's no use John," she said, "You might as well go to sleep."
"I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my eyes!"
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Father Guido was a devout and pure man. When he finally appeared at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him, "Hello, Father Guido. We've been expecting you. Welcome to Heaven! Because you were such a holy man, I'll grant you a wish."
Guido immediately replied, "Well, I have always wanted to meet the Virgin Mother."
Saint Peter took him to Virgin Mary, where Father Guido said, "Mother, I have always been a great admirer of yours. I have studied everything I could about you. I followed your life as best I could. Yet I've always wondered: every painting of you shows you with a slightly sad look. What was it that made you sad?"
She replied, "Honestly? I was hoping for a girl."
A timelapse video of the Falkirk wheel in Scotland, the world's first and only rotating boat lift. At one time these two canals were joined by a series of 11 locks which took half a day to traverse. Now it can be done in 7 minutes!
A Sturgeon Bay, Wisconson woman has a lot to be thankful for after her newly adopted cat woke her from an insulin reaction just hours after bringing him home. Amy Jung and her son, Ethan Jung, originally went to the Door County Humane Society on Feb. 8 to play with the cats, not to bring one home. Then Jung, 36, saw Pudding lying on a counter. She made a quick decision to adopt Pudding and his pal Wimsy.
When the Jungs arrived home, the 21-pound, orange-and-white Pudding made himself right at home, acting as if he had always been there. "He just really took right over. Really second nature," she said. At around 9:30 p.m., she went to bed and about 1� hours later, the prodigious kitty came to her rescue. Jung, who was diagnosed with diabetes at the age of 4, started to have a seizure. According to Jung, Pudding planted his weight on her chest and, when he could not wake her, began swatting her face and biting her nose.
"Anything he could to pull me out of it (the seizure)," she said. It worked. She woke up and the convulsions stopped long enough for her to call to her son for help. When Ethan did not respond to the calls, the cat ran to his room and jumped on his bed. Ethan later told her that he didn't know anything was wrong until the giant cat landing on the bed woke him up. Jung is convinced that she would not have survived the night if Pudding had not intervened.
"If something or someone hadn't pulled me out of that, I wouldn't be here," she said. The next day she spoke with her doctor about her seizure and her cat's unusual actions. The doctor told her he had heard of animals alerting their owners to a health crisis but had never known anyone who had experienced it. "Realistically you can't be without him," he told her. Jung is registering Pudding as a therapy animal. Pudding will also sit at her feet and meow when her blood sugar is low, she said.
Friday, February 24, 2012
She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to
As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little 'whoops' and prays that a sales person wasn't anywhere near. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her and he's good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany's. He politely greets the lady
With, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this
He answers, "Madam . . If you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price ".
A Florida church has caused outrage by turning away children from its popular Sunday services to cater to a pastor who is a registered sex offender. The decision to allow convicted child molester Darrell Gilyard into the pulpit has angered neighbouring pastors and members of the congregation of the Christ Tabernacle Missionary Baptist church in Jacksonville. Gilyard, 49, is allowed no contact with minors under the terms of his release from a three-year jail sentence for abusing a 15-year-old girl at another church in 2009. As a result church leaders have made his services "adults only".
Parishioners claim security guards hired by the church have begun refusing admission to families with children, including a woman who tried to attend on Sunday with a two-year-old boy. Instead, they say, children are directed to remain "off site" while Gilyard is preaching, and they accuse the church of dismantling its playground to keep them away. Since Gilyard was hired last month, soon after his December release from jail, the church in Northside, one of Jacksonville's poorest, mostly black neighbourhoods, has become the scene of angry exchanges between protesters and his supporters.
A group of demonstrators calling itself the New Black Panther party clashed with churchgoers and promised to protest each time Gilyard led a service. "We came because the children who we should be teaching and preaching cannot come out today," said Mikhail Muhammad, the group's leader. "The black ministers in the city of Jacksonville ought to be ashamed of themselves. How can you say you're a follower of Christ but you won't stand up and speak out against this injustice?" Despite the protests, the church appears to have benefited from Gilyard's notoriety. His first service in January drew an estimated 150 people, up from a regular attendance of only five to 10, with dozens attending the most recent service on Sunday.
Deacon Paul S Newman, chairman of the church ministry, said: "He was down on the ground, and the church was down on the ground, and we both needed to get up." But fellow Baptist leaders have denounced Gilyard's appointment, saying he needs to apologise to his victims and the community before being allowed to preach to others. Before his conviction on two counts of molesting minors, Gilyard was a shining star in the Baptist community, having spent 14 years preaching to thousands at Jacksonville's Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church. One mentor hailed him as one of the "most brilliant men in the pulpit".
Six-year-old Pankaj Singh, from Karnal in India, who had been locked up in school for failing to complete his homework, died after his family claims he failed to come to terms with the harsh punishment. A student of Rajkul Senior School, Kamela, in Gharonda subdivision, Pankaj had allegedly been locked up in a dark room on December 27 last year to reprimand him for his 'negligence'.
When the Dera Gandhi village resident didn't reach home after school was over for the day - and everyone had gone home - his family raised an alarm. They claimed that they found Pankaj unconscious inside the room. Allegedly, the school had forgotten that they had detained him. 'Pankaj stopped eating properly and had to be admitted to the Post Graduate Institute of Medical Sciences in Rohtak,' Mahipal, Pankaj's uncle said. But the sensitive child struggled to come to terms with the harassment he had faced in school, he added.
Pankaj's father Jasvir Singh said that after his son showed signs of recovery, he was discharged from the hospital and was sent back to school. Things were fine until he attended the class of the teacher who had allegedly punished him earlier. The boy fainted and had to be hospitalised. He was discharged on February 11 and passed away on Sunday night. Jasvir and his family reported the matter to the local police on Monday, alleging that the private English-medium school had caused the death of their child.
Sandeep Singh, vice-president of the school, denied the teacher had punished Pankaj. The child was suffering from some disease which led to his death, he claimed. The village panchayat stepped in, attempting a truce between Pankaj's family and the school. The panchayat has reportedly directed Jasvir not to talk to the police until they decide on the matter. Based on their assurances, the family cremated the child, without any autopsy being carried out. Neelam P. Kasni, the Karnal deputy commissioner, however defended the school. 'Pankaj's family had attempted to blow the issue out of proportion. The family accused the school of harassment after two months of the incident, only after the child died,' the official said.
I posted this back in September but I really like this video so here it it again plus I know new friends haven't seen it. These creatures amaze me. Love whales and dolphins. My favorite are beluga whales.
"Luna was an orphan orca-boy who lost his family and, after that, started to seek contact with people."
a beluga whale and a friend
Thursday, February 23, 2012
The young blonde returned from her South American vacation and went to the local bank to exchange her foreign currency. She plopped a huge wad of bills on the counter, the teller counted it, consulted his computer, and then counted out $27.18.
The blonde gasped, "You mean that's all I get for that mountain of money?"
"I'm afraid so, Miss," replied the teller. "That's the current exchange rate."
"Damn! And I even fixed him breakfast!"
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
A man who appeared to have two prosthetic legs is wanted for attempting to rob a Virginia drugstore.
Police said the man entered a CVS Pharmacy on Midlothian Turnpike near Buford Road Saturday night and handed the pharmacist a note demanding prescription pills.
The man left the store without the receiving the pills, police said.
Police described the suspect as a black man, 5'6" tall and 130 pounds.
Police said he wore a dark gray, hooded sweatshirt, black shorts and a blue knit cap.
Police say this could be a quick capture, because of the specific details of prosethetic legs.
A grieving daughter was forced to pay an extra �3,000 to her father's care home - after failing to give them 28 days notice of his death. Sue Cann was 'shocked' when she learnt small print in the contract for dad Kenneth's care stated the private home required four weeks warning of his passing away. Miss Cann, 54, has now been landed with the hefty charge and said it was 'ridiculous' people needed to give prior notice of when they were going to die. She said she is appalled by the 'callous' conduct of the Highcliffe Nursing Home in Dorset. In a letter sent to her a day after her 79 year-old father's funeral, they stated: "...a notice period of four weeks (28 days) is required in event of a resident moving out or passing away." Miss Cann said: "When the letter came I was so shocked about it.
"According to the letter my father had to give 28 days notice for moving or passing away. But how on earth can you do that? Nobody knows when they are going to die. It's ridiculous. In effect they are saying that you have to pay 28 days after you have passed away. I think that is really so callous. When you have died and can't give notice of your death that's taking advantage and it's daylight robbery." Mr Cann, who spent 42 years working as a service manager for British Gas, had lived with wife, Winnie, but she passed away aged 74 in March last year from ovarian cancer. He was admitted to the seaside nursing home, run by Suffolk-based Kingsley Healthcare, 17 months ago after a long battle with dementia. He died on January 30.
Mr Cann, who paid taxes all his working life and saved for his retirement, ended up spending �63,000 on his care for the short time he was there. Miss Cann said she understands the extra fee is to cover the period from her father dying to the home getting a new tenant in. She said: "I wouldn't mind paying for a week but I really object to a whole month. To pay for a month which covers his food, laundry and nursing care it is daylight robbery. His belonging were removed from the home on the evening of his death as far as I'm aware. He shared a room so it was clean for the other occupant. And to receive the letter the day after his funeral was insensitive. I understand that the nursing home would not necessarily know when his funeral was, although the home sent flowers for his coffin because I informed them. But the letter came from head office."
Miss Cann said she felt she had no choice but to pay for �3,052 bill. A spokesman for Kingsley Healthcare said that they were changing their notice period for death from 28 days to seven days, which is in line with most other care homes. Ian Jarvis, finance director for Kingsley said: "We have now reviewed our administrative procedures, including the provision of notices relating to termination following death. We have decided to reduce the notice period on death to seven days with immediate effect. We do not wish to comment any further on the specific circumstances which brought this matter to our attention as this would be a breach of confidentiality."
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. "Well,Sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."
"I agree," says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
"Sister, would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK," the Priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh Father, may I touch it?"
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can Give Life."
"Is that true Father?"
"Yes, it is, Sister."
"Oh Father, that's wonderful. Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
Their underwear is $3.99 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. They almost never have strap problems in public. They are unable to see wrinkles in their clothes. Everything on their face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.They only have to shave their face and neck.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Most are about 30 seconds..the best one is the last and runs 6 1/2 minutes. You may recognize 1-2 that I posted previously. This list comes courtesy of the editors of Jalopnik.
With Russians mounting video cameras on their car dashboards in an attempt to avoid the rising tide of insurance scammers, we've been treated to a slew of crazy driving antics captured on film.
10.Without the video evidence, this is a simple clumsy rear-end accident. With the video, this is a simple clumsy attempt at insurance fraud and shifting the blame to an innocent party. The body language throughout is priceless.
9. A few years ago crash testers started to incorporate offset collisions to reflect how real-world accidents were often more complex that a straight impact into a wall. This is exactly the kind of impact they had in mind.
8. On the one hand, we're not sure what causes this truck to shed a tire — loose lugs? metal fatigue? something left off during a brake job? On the other hand, this is one sweet controlled landing. Kudos to an otherwise unlucky driver.
7. Incidents involving collisions and driver weirdness are not the only things caught on dash cams. This band of hoodlums in a properly bourgeois black Volvo give a whole new meaning to the term "beer run."
6. Sometimes the good stuff happens when the camera is facing inward. LOL
5. There's no reason for this to happen other than a driver with an irrepressible urge for a quick hoon. We wonder if this is just a standalone dose of brilliant control or if that curb can testify to repeated attempts that weren't quite as clean.
4. Usually dashcams are intended to catch other people in the act. In this car, it turns out to be self-incriminating, although the driver/videographer has a willing partner in traffic-slicing crime.
3. One near miss is usually enough for most people. Two in a few seconds beggars belief. Hard to tell if everyone's okay — that silver car looks like it's on the verge of rolling — but what we do see is a quick combo punch to the adrenal glands.
2. How do people usually react in a fender-bender? Ashamed? Slightly shaken up? Angry, but still at least somewhat controlled? We're not quite sure what's going on here, especially since the driver of the car in front was plainly at fault, but sometimes you gotta go with your feelings.
1. Every gearhead's deepest darkest daydream made real. Not really a "dash" cam, obviously, but for pure motorized Moscow madness it's unbeatable
On a joint military exercise, three soldiers shared a tent. The conversation turned to food. "In the Russian Army, we get 2,000 calories per day," said the Russian.
The Englishman responded, "In the British Army, we get 4,000 calories a day."
The American bragged, "The US Army gives us 8,000 calories."
The Russian laughed. "Nonsense!" he snorted. "No man could eat that much cabbage!"
With his blonde pigtails and purple tutu, Zach Avery, now five, has been living as a girl for more than a year - after he first refused to live as a boy when he turned three.
Little Zach was just three when he began refusing to live as a boy, instead choosing to wear pink dresses and ribbons in his long, blonde hair - because he has Gender Identity Disorder (GID).
And the primary school he attends in Essex has even changed the kids' toilets to gender-neutral Unisex in support of Zach since his official diagnosis last year, aged four.
Zach is one of the youngest in Britain ever to be diagnosed with GID - meaning he feels like he's a girl trapped in a boy's body.
Mum Theresa Avery, 32, said Zach used to be a 'normal' little boy who loved Thomas the Tank Engine, but suddenly at the end of 2010, he decided he wanted to live as a girl.
He became obsessed with the girly kids' TV character Dora the Explorer and started dressing in girls clothing.
Parents Theresa and Darren Avery, 41, became worried by Zach's behaviour and took him to the doctors.
After numerous consultations and observations, he was officially diagnosed by NHS specialists with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), making Zach one of the youngest affected children in the UK.
Mum-of-four Theresa said: "He just turned round to me one day when he was three and said: 'Mummy, I'm a girl'. I assumed he was just going through a phase and just left it at that.
"But then it got serious and he would become upset if anyone referred to him as a boy.
"He used to cry and try to cut off his willy out of frustration."
Concerned Theresa and Darren took him to a specialist at Tavistock and Patman Foundation Trust in London.
At first his parents thought he may be autistic, but after several months a child phycologist diagnosed Zach, affectionately called Zachy, with GID.
The dedicated specialists explained to them that gender identity disorder is a conflict between a person's actual physical gender and the gender that person identifies himself or herself as.
Theresa said: "They told us that although he had a male body, his brain was telling him he was a girl."
And Zach's school - Purfleet Primary in Essex - has even turned their toilet block gender-neutral to support him.
Theresa added: "They have changed the toilets for Key Stage 1 pupils into Unisex instead of male/female and they address him as a girl, which is what he wants.
"When he gets a bit older, to Key Stage 2, then obviously the law changes and there will be more difficulties surrounding the bathroom issue, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it - it may be that Zach will use the staff toilets.
"We explained to the other kids at the school that Zachy's body was that of a boy but in his brain he was a girl. We said Zach was just happier being a girl than a boy.
"But the other kids haven't batted an eyelid, they've accepted Zach as Zach and there's been no problems at the school with bullying.
"The school has been brilliant and really, really supportive."
When he goes to school, Zach wears a girl's trouser uniform and black boots with pink trim, which his mother said is female but still neutral.
And mum said that although she misses her little boy, the family is very supportive of Zachy.
She said: "He just wants to be like a little girl and he's very happy with his long blonde hair, pink and red bedroom and a wardrobe full of girls clothes.
"He likes playing with his sister's old toys but he still loves Dr Who too and playing with his brother. And we still put some neutral clothes in his wardrobe if he ever decides he wants to wear them.
"We leave it up to him to decide what he wants to do - if he changes his mind and wants to be a boy again then he does, but if he doesn't, he doesn't.
She admitted: "I would love to have my son back, but I want him to be happy. If this is the route he wants to take - if this is what makes him happy - then so be it. I would rather him have my full support.
"People need to be aware of this condition because it's very common but even many family support workers have never heard of cases in children. There are people out there but they don't want to talk about it."
Figures from the Tavistock and Patman Foundation Trust clinic - the national body for GID - revealed 165 children have been diagnosed with GID this year.
A spokesperson at Tavistock Clinic in London said they were unable to comment on individual case, but only seven children under the age of 5 were diagnosed last year - making Zach one of the youngest.
The spokesperson said: "Tavistock Clinic had 97 referrals in 2009/2010; 139 in 2010/2011 and thus far this year 165 referrals.
"The trend in referrals has been up over the years - this may reflect greater awareness.
"We see children and young people up to the age of 18, from across the UK, who are experiencing difficulties in the development of their gender identity.
"This includes children who are unhappy with their biological sex. Some may be boys who prefer activities and role associated with the opposite sex, some may also identify as the opposite sex and vice versa for girls.
"In general when younger children are referred it is in relation to cross gender preferences in play, play mates and activities. It is more unusual for children of this age to express cross gender identification - that is the wish or belief that they belong to the opposite sex.
"The diagnosis of GID is made by the key workers working with the young person. We will also assess their general wellbeing. We remain in contact with young people often for many years.
"Our aim is not to predict or direct the outcome, but rather to support the young person in their general development as well as develop a trusting collaborative therapeutic relationship in which it is possible to openly explore their feelings about their gender."
A Swedish man survived for more than two months in a snowbound car in temperatures as low as -22F (-30C) thanks to an "igloo effect". Peter Skyllberg, 44, was found on Friday by a passer-by near the northern town of Umea, just south of the Arctic Circle, He had been snowed into his car since at least December. Doctors explained that outside temperatures had been below -22F (-30C) over the period Mr Skyllberg had been in the car, but air trapped around the vehicle had formed a natural igloo. "It's not possible for humans to hibernate like a bear does," Dr Ulf Segerberg, the Chief Medical Officer at Norrland's University Hospital, in Umea.
"If you cool the body, of course the metabolism slows down, but I don't think he would have survived if that had happened. In the car he had very warm clothes, he had a warm sleeping bag, and as the car was snowed under, that would have made it more like an igloo. Down below the snow, you would normally have a temperature of around zero," he said. Dr Segerberg said it was not unusual for someone to survive such a period of starvation. "Starvation for one month, anyone can tolerate that if they have water to drink," said Dr Segerberg. "If you have body fat, you will survive even longer, although you end up looking like someone coming from a concentration camp." He estimated that Mr Skyllberg could have lost more than three stone of his body weight over the period.
Earlier police reports suggested Mr Skyllberg was in "really bad shape" when he was found. He conceded that it was incredibly rare for someone to survive for so long outside in the cold Swedish winter. "This is a case in a lifetime. Every winter we have people who have frozen to death. But a case like this, with someone caught outside for such a long time, is very rare, because it's very rare that you are not missed by anyone, which seems to be the case in this instance." Mr Skyllberg has so far declined all requests for interviews about his ordeal. "The patient only wants it to be known that he is feeling well and is being well-treated in the hospital," the hospital said.
Scientists listened to animals playing and they noticed something that appeared to them to be laughter. They studied this behavior for couple of years before acturally realizing that it is laughter.
Soon they got a device which transformed higher frequency sounds to frequencies our auditory system can hear.
So they developed a way to ask these rats if they liked being tickled and the answer was definite yes!
Zoe the yellow Labrador has a special talent. She can pick up three tennis balls at once. The best part is when she gets all three in her mouth, she appears to be making a big smile.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although they do make me look a bit gay.
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend - Beautiful,Intelligent, Gentle,Thoughtful,Innocent, Trustworthy,Sensible. Or in other words.............
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.."
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"
Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians,single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads and non English speaking people" isn't the right answer. They've sent my form back!
Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the program's called Fact Hunt.
The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Without my glasses, you couldn't pass for a female.
You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo.
What do you like for breakfast?
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
I want to call your mother and thank her.
Your daddy must be a thief, because he stole the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes.
That outfit would look great crumpled up on the floor at the foot of my bed.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
My name is [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice setof buns.
(Look at his/her shirt label) When they say, "What are you doing?" You say, "Checking to see if you were made in heaven."
There must be something wrong with my eyes, because I can't take them off you.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Do you know how to use a whip?
Can you give me directions to your heart?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I'll still make your bed rock.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
A drunk man who smelled like whiskey sat down on a bench in a subway station, next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of Jim Beam was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized."I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Remember that vodka ad on a New York billboard that was removed late last year after residents and Jewish groups complained its message ("CHRISTMAS QUALITY. HANNUKAH PRICING") was anti-Semitic?
Well, the folks behind it are at it again.
A new billboard advertising Wodka has surfaced on Seventh Avenue near New York's Penn Station with a similarly offensive message--this one referencing prostitutes:
"Our intent was not to be offensive toward women," Brian Gordon, president of MMG, the firm that created the campaign, told Yahoo News.
"We're a bit of a lightning rod after the last one," Gordon continued. "There was justified sensitivity, which is why we took it down.
"People are going to be offended for different reasons, but there's nothing derogatory about this campaign," he added. "These are words people use, and one denotes a higher quality. We're creating a juxtaposition, that's all."
A representative for Panache Beverages Inc., the New York-based distillery that owns Wodka, did not return a call from Yahoo News seeking comment.
The latest billboard was spotted by a Twitter user, Katie Kitamura, who said she was rendered speechless upon seeing it.
The ad, which features a sheep wearing a sombrero, also appears on Wodka's website. According to Gordon, there are currently at least seven copies of the ad up in New York; a Wodka campaign with different creative ("LOBSTAH QUALITY. CHOWDAH PRICING") recently launched in Boston.
"Maybe the lobster industry is going to come after us next," Gordon said.
The Wodka billboard with the holiday message was posted on the West Side Highway last November. It was taken down after the Anti-Defamation League denounced the ad as "crude and offensive."
Police say they were forced to use an electric stun gun on a naked 6-foot-4-inch, nearly 300-pound man after he allegedly stole socks from a Walmart in Chester County. The incident unfolded on Wednesday at approximately 5:30 p.m. at the Walmart in West Whiteland Township, Pennsylvania.
Police said officers responded to the scene and located the suspect, later identified as Verdon Lamont Taylor, inside the store wearing only a pair of socks. According to police, Taylor refused to comply with commands from the officers, and a stun gun had to be used. While in custody, Taylor allegedly spat on the face of one of the officers.
An investigation revealed that the socks Taylor had been wearing were stolen from the store, police said. Surveillance video of the incident obtained from Walmart showed Taylor exiting a vehicle in the parking lot, removing all of his clothes, walking into the store completely naked and approaching the counter. That's when, according to police, Taylor stole the socks, put them on his feet and walked farther into the store.
The video also shows shoppers avoiding Taylor as he walked through the store. The 32-year-old man, a resident of Downingtown, was arraigned on charges of indecent exposure, aggravated assault, simple assault, retail theft, receiving stolen property and disorderly conduct, police said. He was sent to Chester County prison after failing to post $50,000 bail, and he faces a preliminary hearing on March 21.
Friday, February 17, 2012
It's the first rule of politics: make sure you've got your facts right before you start broadcasting your strident views.
But one Louisiana Congressman was left rather embarrassed after he took to Facebook to express outrage over plans for an $8billion 'Abortionplex' to be built by Planned Parenthood -- only to discover it was based on a satirical article written by The Onion.
To make matters worse, the spoof news report had been written a year earlier.
John Fleming -- or someone on his staff -- added a link to The Onion story 'Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex' on his official Facebook page with the comment 'More on Planned Parenthood, abortion by the wholesale.'
The link was quickly removed from his page, but not before it was captured by the blog Literally Unbelievable, which specializes in embarrassing people who repeat stories from the Onion without realizing it is a fake news outlet.
The Onion story, which was published in May, says the building is a '900,000-square-foot facility has more than 2,000 rooms dedicated to the abortion procedure.'
'The Abortionplex's high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds. That's almost a million abortions every month. We're so thrilled!' Planned Parenthood's president is 'quoted' as saying.
The Onion, which wrote the story in light of last year's fight in Congress over federal funding for the group, republished the story in light of Susan G. Komen Foundation controversy, which saw the charity pull its support for Planned Parenthood only to reverse its decision.
A spokesman for Fleming, a second-term Republican and family practice doctor, confirmed that the link was posted but said it was taken down. He would not comment further.
Eight constituents had commented by the time Literally Unbelievable caught the post. One of them pointed out: 'The Onion is satire. How exactly did you get elected?'
Joe Randazzo, the editor of the Onion, played his response to the row as tongue-in-cheek as his newspaper's stories.
'We’re delighted to hear that Rep. Fleming is a regular reader of America’s Finest News Source and doesn’t bother himself with The New York Times, Washington Post, the mediums of television and radio, or any other lesser journalism outlets,' he said in a statement to Politico.
Hudson Hongo, who runs the Literally Unbelievable blog, told Politico he finds it 'extremely satisfying to see a politician being made the rube by just the kind of sensationalism (in this case satiric) that they seem so adept at manufacturing these days.'
Fleming represents Louisiana's Fourth District, which includes Shreveport.
Jane was ugly -- so ugly, it hurt. Having never had a boyfriend, she asked a psychic for help. The psychic said, "Jane, you will not be lucky in love in this lifetime, but, you will be reincarnated and then you will be Earth's most desirable woman. Men will fall at your feet. And you will find great joy." Jane left happy and excited. On her way home, going over a bridge, she thought, "The sooner I die, the sooner my great new life will begin." So she stopped her car right there and jumped off the bridge. Incredibly, she didn't die! She landed in the back of an open truck loaded with bananas, but she did faint. After riding a few miles, she came to, drowsy, unable to see well, not knowing where she was, and started feeling her surroundings. Feeling all those bananas, she laughed and said, "Gentlemen, please. One at a time!"
A British man was bitten "down under" by a killer snake while answering a call of nature in the Australian bush. The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott's testicle as he squatted in the dark.
But when he begged best mate Roddy Andrews to suck the venom out, his friend refused. Instead he drove Jackson on a 40-minute life-or-death dash to Hobart, Tasmania, where doctors gave him an antidote to the deadly tiger snake poison.
Jackson, 29, of Glasgow, said: "I went into the garden at four in the morning after a night in the pub to save flushing the toilet because water is precious in the outback. Just as I finished and was about to tuck everything safely away, it bit me. I had my pants around my knees when I hobbled into Roddy's bedroom. My heart was racing and I was hallucinating.
"Needless to say, Rod was not of a mind to suck out the poison." Jackson, starting a year's working holiday at the remote farm, added: "The doctors and nurses were very professional. They didn't take the mickey out of me being bitten on my wedding tackle."
An Oildale, California man is behind bars, accused of killing cats and eating them.
A case of alleged animal abuse led investigators to a home on Wilson Avenue in Oildale.
"It was shocking. I was just blown away. I mean how often do you hear that," said neighbor Steve Poe.
Poe lives next door Jason Wilmert, 36, who is accused of killing cats and eating them.
"I heard he was using his house pets as snacks which is kind of disturbing. You would have never guessed anything like that. I saw him buy a case of beer. So if he can afford a case of Natural Ice, you can get some Top Ramen," continued Poe.
Neighbors say Wilmert kept to himself and acted strangely.
"He would just stare at my dog, like just stare at it, and he makes me nervous, you know what I mean? I told him to stop and he said I'm not doing nothing. I'm just looking," said Steven Smith.
One neighbor said she saw him in action.
"My roommate recently told me about two days ago that our neighbor was crazy and she caught him cutting up a dead cat in his backyard," said Crystal Gates.
Neighbors had their suspicions about how Wilmert may have prepared the cats.
"He spent, I want to say, three straight days burning stuff in his backyard. It smelled like leaves and everything like that. I don't know if the guy was having a BBQ or what not, but it was three to four days solid burning stuff in his yard," said Poe.
Wilmert faces two misdemeanor charges, one count of cruelty to animals and one count of using a pet as food.
"I've been involved in these types of cases for well over almost 20 years now. I've never seen this charge before," explained Michael Yraceburn, Supervising Deputy District Attorney.
If convicted, Wilmert faces up to six months in jail.
Investigators say they don't know where the cats came from, but they believe the killings happened on more than one occasion.
Wilmert denied our request for a jailhouse interview.
He is expected to be in court Friday.
A 2-hour standoff between armed San Diego Police and an empty car on the freeway ended with no injuries. Several freeway lanes were closed, backing up rush-hour traffic along Interstate 8 for several miles.
Cops surrounded the 2001 Pontiac Grand Prix, but could not see if anyone was inside because the car had heavily tinted windows.
For more than two hours, officers stood pointing guns at the car and trying different ways to check the car for anyone inside. They used a trained police dog, a helicopter with heat-sensing technology and, at one point, an officer even threw a tree branch to break the back window.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three pound live lobsters - one in each hand. It was three weeks after the season closed!
Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says, "Well me laddie, I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season closed!"
The Newfie says, "No my son, you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended."
The Fisheries Officer says, "Trained... like how?"
"Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!"
"Likely story", the Fisheries Officer says! "Lets take them on down the wharf and see if it's true."
So, the Newfie goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water. The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another!
After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, "How about whistling?"
The Newfie says, "What For?"
The Fisheries Officer says, "To call in the lobsters."
The Newfie says, "What lobsters?"
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
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