Saturday, June 26, 2010

JOKE: A priest, a pentecostal minister, and a rabbi would get together twice a week

bear table A priest, a pentecostal minister, and a rabbi would get together twice a week for coffee to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

They both looked down at Rabbi Goldberg, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

bear baby

GOT CAPTION?

Photobucket

GOT CAPTION?

Photobucket

VIDEO: DOG CHASES CHIPMUNK

VIDEO: Duck Hitches Ride on Swimming Dog

Woman flashes breasts to get peace and quiet

Marika De Florio is using bare breasts to win a feud with her neighbours. The 56-year-old says she is sick and tired of her neighbours' five-year-old grandson driving a loud all-terrain vehicle for hours on her quiet street in Seeley's Bay, near Kingston. So she found a solution under her shirt. De Florio has discovered that if she goes out topless, the boy's horrified grandparents rush the child into the house.

And she said she will continue to go topless every time the child rides the ATV. "It is maddening," she said of the noise. "I'm going mental. I can't breathe and I'm not moving, but I need some peace. I can't believe I did this, but they pulled the kid inside and then called police because of their small-town mentality."

Photobucket

De Florio says the problems with her neighbours, Mike and Nancy Berry, started two years ago when she moved to the area. Leeds OPP, which covers Seeley's Bay, have received complaint calls from both De Florio and the Berrys. She is not breaking the law, because in Canada women are allowed to be topless.

"There is not a criminal charge for that ... not since 1996," said Toronto Police Const. Isabelle Cotton. De Florio says she decided to go topless to solve the problem because police wouldn't do anything about the ATV noise. She said it's the bravest thing she has ever done. "I'll do what I have to to eradicate this problem," she said.

VIDEO: Monkey Shenanigans

Painter puts a new spin on Wisconsin landmark

Photobucket

The good news about Stoughton's new water tower: They spelled the name of the city correctly on one side.

The explanation: The painting contractor that misspelled the name of the city on the other side of the tower is based in Illinois.

The fix: They're working on replacing the missing "t."

Residents who have been watching crews build a $1.2 million water tower for Stoughton since last fall got a laugh this week as a painting contractor screwed up on one of the finishing touches. "Stoughton" became "Stoughon."

Painter Mark Sandmire told the La Crosse Tribune that he discovered the error as he was painting, but he had to finish the paint job anyway. He couldn't paint the correct letters over the wet paint.

Sandmire, a painter for 20 years, told the paper this was the first time he's made such a misspelling in big block letters.

Kim Jennings, the finance manager for Stoughton's utilities department, said Friday the painting contractor should have Stoughton's T in its rightful place by the weekend. The tower will be repainted as soon as the weather cooperates, she said.

Meanwhile, no one seems to be taking offense at the misspelling. "I think most people around here just think it's funny," Jennings said.

The best joke Jennings has heard so far could become the city's tourism slogan. "Come to Stoughton," she said. "You'll fit in like a T."

Why did the 15-year-old girl steal 44 pairs of underwear?

panties huge

Why did a 15-year-old girl steal 44 pairs of underwear from a St. Paul store?

The teen reportedly posed a question of her own to a police officer: "Do you expect me to wear dirty underwear?"

She was cited for misdemeanor theft. It was the second panty raid at a St. Paul store that showed up in this week's police reports.

Police cited a 47-year-old man on June 10 for shoplifting "numerous pairs" of women's underwear from the Midway Walmart.

The case with the teen girl happened June 19 at the Maryland Avenue Kmart. She stashed the 44 pairs of women's underwear in a tote bag and walked out without paying, police said.

Thirty-one of the pairs were valued at $4.99 and 13 at $3.99, police said.

JOKE: A hooker was visiting her doctor

A hooker was visiting her doctor for a regular
checkup. "Any specific problems you should tell me about," the doctor asked?

"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the
tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied.
"Do you think I might be a hemophiliac? "

"Well," the doctor answered, "hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a hemophiliac. Tell me, how much you lose when you have your period?"

After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, "Oh,about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

ahahahhhhaa

digitalpoint

Geo Visitors Map

~WHIRLED GNUS~

Followers

Blog Archive