Monday, July 19, 2010

VIDEO: Watermelon Baby

GOT CAPTION? 7/20

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VIDEO: Fairy tales from the Darkside

JOKE: A farmer came home early...

A farmer came home early after his fortnightly trip to the market, and upon entering the house heard the sound of highly energetic lovemaking coming from the bedroom. Fearing the worst and in a terrible rage, he grabbed his shotgun and rushed into the bedroom where he was met with the sight of his beautiful wife, stark naked, astride his equally naked farmhand in the throws of passion. Furious, the farmer ordered the terrified lad out of the house and into a small workshed out in the yard. Once inside, the farmer pushed the farmhand towards the workbench and secured his exposed member in a vice, next to a rusty old hacksaw blade.

"You re not going to cut it off, are you?" Begged the farmhand.

No replied the farmer, "You are!! I m going to set fire to the shed!!"

farmer

11-year-old becomes internet's latest victim (or a product of it)

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Jessi Slaughter became the latest unwitting Internet celebrity. Now she's its latest victim.

It began with a disturbing video posted on YouTube that not only showed extreme immaturity (even for an 11-year-old), but jaw-dropping behavior (especially for an 11-year-old). The troublemakers at 4Chan.org's infamous /b/ board immediately pounced. Understand: These guys could well be "the internet's scariest hive mind." When its users unite, it's like a swarm of bees.

Slaughter (not really her name) was already a mini-celebrity on tween sites, where rumors spread about her sexual practices. She then decided that the best way to answer all the talk was by creating a video saying that her critics were just jealous of her because of her extreme popularity and beauty. With an onslaught of profanity, Slaughter proceeded to warn "haters" that "I'll pop a glock in your mouth and make a brain slushy."*

Needless to say, this was a bad idea. The swarm zeroed in. The mockery rose to a new level. Users on /b/ board began using Slaughter's real name, phone number, address, and social networking accounts. It became relentless.

That's not all. It's likely she never would've risen to the level of internet fame had it not been for her father. Apparently, poor judgment runs in the family. The 11-year-old made another video --this one showing herself crying because her life has been ruined, and then, her furious dad butts in from behind her to scream into the camera in a tirade that included three phrases that became instant classics: "You dun goofed," "consequences will never be the same," and "the cyberpolice are on their way."





There's plenty to chew on here: A girl completely lacking in grace and social skills with an attitude that could only have come from her parents --or maybe a lack of parenting. You wonder if this is what Jon Benet Ramsey would've become had she lived to be 11.
And the parents, in what's become symptomatic of our society, are completely uncouth and completely unaccountable. You're going to call the cyber police? Dude, when it comes to kids using the internet, it's the parents who are the cyber police.
Too late now. The genie's out of the bottle and the girl has been branded, a brand that will probably stick with her through high school. Who knows how that might impact the rest of her life psychologically?
A prank call to the family home is distrubing in that someone would do that and post it on YouTube, but listening to how the parents respond on the phone raises troubling questions:


What's the lesson here? Is this girl a victim of the internet, or a product of it?
Some will say that digital technology has changed our culture and that our social norms have yet to catch up. No, that's looking through the wrong end of the telescope.
The problem isn't that this family's social norms haven't caught up; it's that this family's social norms are messed up. The kid is a brat and the parents are insolent morons. She talks smack, has a haughty air of superiority (I'm prettier than everyone) but dresses like a whore, makes violent threats and references to what most would consider repulsive sexual behavior. (Is it common for today's 11-year-old to know about fisting and bestiality?) Where did that come from? Probably from the same place where she got her filthy mouth: Her parents. The internet didn't cause this family to be so dysfunctional; the internet merely pulled back the curtain.


*The "pop a glock" phrase comes from hip hop pop culture. In fact, there's even a song by the same name by an artist name Uffie. Some of the lyrics:
i got a loaded bodyguard dont make him pull out the glock and pop
...
pop the glock, pop the glock, pop the glock, pop the glock, pop the glock pop
the glock pop the glock, the glock you pop
sound like twista, fast as hell
i rock this beat you know damn well

Girl Scout leader admits taking $8,000 worth of cookies without paying

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MOUNT ORAB, Ohio (NBC News Channel) -- An Ohio woman has admitted taking more than 2,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies but never paying for them.

The Brown County Sheriff's Office said that Donya R. Waits pleaded guilty last week to charges of theft. Sheriff Dwayne Wenninger said that Waits, 35, reported that her child had sold 2,359 boxes of Girl Scout cookies in January 2010. She admitted that she received the cookies but never paid the Girl Scouts for them. Deputies said Waits told them she took the cookies so that she could feed her family. The cookies were valued at $8,256.50.

Waits and her husband, Michael A. Waits, 44, also pleaded guilty to theft by deception for taking $26,500 from a 76-year-old man in 2009 by convincing him they would pay him back once they received a large inheritance.

Donya Waits remains in custody at the Brown County Adult Detention Center.

Michael Waits was released from custody on $25,000 bond.

VIDEO: the Joy of Circumcision

VIDEO: DOG LOVES BATMAN

GOT CAPTION? 7/19

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JOKE: I ended up talking with an older woman at a club last night

I ended up talking with an older woman at a club last night. She  looked O.K. for a 57-year-old. 
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking  that she probably had a hot daughter. We drank a bit, and a had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if  I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double. 
"What's that?" I asked 
"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said. 
"Wow" I said excitedly. 
We drank a bit more and then she declared it was my "lucky  night". 
We went back to her place. 
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: "Mom, you still  awake?" 
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