Wednesday, July 27, 2011

JOKE: EMBARRASSING MEETING



A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It
wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought,"yes!".

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about
it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again,the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
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VIDEO: Shanty

GOT CAPTION? 7/28

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GOT CAPTION? 7/28 v.2.0

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VIDEO: Leave Me....this is a beautiful video

Man hurt as porta-potty explodes in Australia

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The victim, who was taking part in a joint Australia-United States military exercise at the time, was rushed to hospital with burns to his head, face, arms, chest and airways after the incident at Rockhampton airport.

"There was some sort of explosion in a portaloo. It's believed the man was lighting a cigarette at the time," a Department of Community Safety spokeswoman said.

The Australian Defense Force confirmed the explosion happened during the Talisman Sabre joint military exercises, and said the injured man belonged to the Royal Australian Air Force.
"The Royal Australian Air Force member received immediate first aid from his colleagues and he was taken to the Rockhampton Base Hospital with severe burns," said spokesman Brigadier Bob Brown.

Criticism spreads as China buries car in high-speed train disaster

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Criticism within China over a high-speed train accident that killed 35 has shifted from attacks against a lack of safety measures to accusations of a government cover-up.

Early on July 24, less than a day after the accident on the Hexie (harmony) train line, seven loading shovels were seen digging a hole to bury the front car of the bullet train that had rear-ended a train that had stopped due to a power outage caused by lightning.

While the Hexie name and CRH letters indicating the train was part of the high-speed railway system were visible at first, the loading shovels crushed the car to erase such labels.

"Is this an attempt to not inform us about the real cause of the accident?" said a 37-year-old woman who was injured in the accident and whose friend's daughter died.

Police officials would not confirm that the train car had been buried. But a number of railway sources said it was only natural to bury anything that could not be removed from the accident site.

The three other train cars that fell from the elevated tracks but maintained their outer form, as well as the two cars that had stopped on the tracks were left as they were.

During the three hours when the front car was being buried, there were no signs that any expert entered the car to investigate the cause of the accident on the line that Chinese officials claim is the world's fastest.

"In order to determine the cause of the accident, the train driver's seat should normally be thoroughly investigated," said a photographer for a local newspaper who covered the scene.

But a railway official said the investigation "was completed by that time."

The collision occurred several kilometers north of Wenzhou South station in Zhejiang province.

"The heavy rain and lightning (on Saturday) caused a power outage in the area," said Yang Wanling, 38, a factory worker who witnessed the accident. "A train came to a stop on the elevated tracks. Another train approached the first train at an incredible speed."

After the collision, several cars of the oncoming train fell from the elevated tracks.

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A 29-year-old woman who also saw the accident from her workplace said, "About a dozen minutes or so after the first train stopped, a train approaching from the back of the first train collided with the train, rose on top of it and fell over."

A 36-year-old man from Fujian province who was sitting in the second car of the rushing train said: "I had no idea what happened. There was no announcement about any possible danger."

The man also said he did not feel the train slowing down.

"It was probably traveling at a speed as fast as 200 kph," he said.

After the train shook, the man realized he had fallen on shattered glass. The car fell off the elevated track and the man injured his hip. A colleague died in the accident.

A resident who lived near the scene said, "There was blood everywhere in the train car, with one girl's leg severed."

The accident stunned Chinese government leaders.

In a meeting on July 24, Premier Wen Jiabao told Yohei Kono, the former Lower House speaker, "I did not sleep at all last night because I had to deal with the accident."

An editorial in the July 24 edition of the Jinghua Shibao (Beijing Times) criticized the central government for ignoring safety in its bid to promote a high-speed rail service.

"The train is not running in a laboratory," the editorial said. "It is a public service in which the lives of the people are at stake."

The editorial also pointed out that lessons were not learned from the various problems that occurred on the line linking Beijing and Shanghai that began operations in late June.

The Jinghua Shibao is affiliated with the People's Daily, the organ of the Communist Party.

The unusual criticism of the government followed similar but much more heated comments that appeared on the Internet after the Railways Ministry said only that the cause of the accident was lightning.
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"I cannot ride on a train that will malfunction every time there's a lightning storm," one poster said.

Another post said, "This is a human disaster caused by corrupt bureaucrats."

Others posts said the underlying cause was China's rush to become No. 1 in the world, even at the expense of safety.

"It was all done to overtake the gross domestic product of advanced economies and people's lives were used," said one.

Another said, "Being the fastest in the world is meaningless to common people who have no say."

Others urged Wen to go immediately to the accident site.

In response to the criticism, Vice Premier Zhang Dejiang, who is in charge of transportation issues, was dispatched on July 24 to the site.

At a July 24 news conference, Wang Yongping of the Railways Ministry apologized to victims of the accident. High-ranking ministry officials in charge of the train line were relieved of their duties the same day.

"Unless we handle the accident appropriately and suppress public opinion, there could be a spread of government criticism," a Communist Party source said.

Yet reports--and additional criticism--are spreading about the burying of the train car.

The Chinese government is seeking to export its high-speed railway technology, but it is a very complicated mixture of technology imported from Japan, France, Germany and Canada with rollingstock manufactured in China.

The signal system used a Chinese method that was based on the French system.

Because existing railway lines were in part speeded up, cargo trains and regular lines travel over the same tracks in some portions of the network.

Chinese authorities had emphasized the speed of the Hexie (harmony) train line, with some boasting that Chinese train technology had far surpassed Japan's Shinkansen.

Such boasts are no longer heard.

"We still are behind the advanced nations in terms of maturity and experience," a high-ranking Railways Ministry official admitted.

Zhao Jian, a professor at Beijing Jiaotong University, said, "Choosing development over rationality in railway administration has come back to haunt us."

Japanese officials involved in Shinkansen operations said it would be unthinkable for such an accident to occur in Japan.

Japan uses a system that automatically stops a Shinkansen train if it gets too close to another train.

A railway source said the lightning in China may have knocked out the system that passes on information to other trains.

Concerning the burying of a train car after the accident, a source in Japan who investigates train accidents said, "Investigative agencies in China are not very independent, and I have heard that in many cases they are influenced by what the government wants done."

Pigs can't fly... but they can swim: Homesick pigs swim a mile across the sea

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Pigs can't fly - but this pair of homesick Tamworth boar crosses can certainly swim.
They took to the water like pigs to mud after they were put out to pasture on the uninhabited island of Longa off the North West Scottish coast.
Named Mary and Truffle by their owner, James Cameron was startled to discover they had returned home the day after he left them and their swim across the sea was caught on camera.
Holidaymaker Jay Goss, 31, watched in amazement from his parents' seaside cottage at Big Sands in Wester Ros.

At first he thought they were otters but soon realised they had snouts. He said: 'The sea was a mill pond and the two wee chaps swam 1.5km to the mainland. It was incredible. They reached the shore and were shivering and nervous.'
He called Mr Cameron to tell him he had the two pigs but he thought it was a joke at first.
He said: 'We have six piglets, or weaners, at the moment and we decided to put two of them out to Longa.
'We normally put sheep over to the island and we thought the pigs would like it. There is plenty of rooting material and fresh water.
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'We put them out at 6pm on the Thursday evening and on Friday about 8pm I got a call to say "Your piglets have just swam back home".
'I thought it was a joke at first and that somebody was pulling my leg because people had been thinking it was quite a story that the pigs were going to Longa. My initial reaction was 'Aye, right'. But it was true.'

'I went down to check for myself and they were just wandering about on the shore, quite happy and none the worse for their swim across the loch. I put them in the trailer and reunited them with the others.'
He added: 'I've been talking to people about it and nobody has ever seen pigs swim.'
His wife, Marie said: 'Holidaymakers at the campsite make a great fuss of the pigs and I think they just missed the company - and feeding time. People are always giving them food.
'Mary and Truffle won't be going back to Longa. They told us in no uncertain terms that they didn't fancy island life so they'll be staying here.'


Hotel seeks assistant duckmaster

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A Memphis hotel said it is reviewing applicants for the position of "assistant duckmaster," an employee in charge of wrangling the hotel's five ducks.

Duckmaster Jason Sensat said the previous assistant duckmaster, Don Fort, is moving to the concierge desk and more than 100 people have applied for the position to ensure the ducks are escorted to the hotel's lobby fountain for daily swims.

Sensat said he and the assistant duckmaster are also responsible for maintaining a "calm and inviting" environment for the ducks - a 78-year tradition at the hotel - and making sure their $200,000 rooftop nest is kept pristine and stocked with food. "A lot of people think it's just standing in front of people and talking about ducks," Sensat said. "But there's a lot more to it."

The duckmaster said the mallards are released into the wild every three months and new ducks are brought in and trained. "It's basically getting the ducks into a routine," Sensat said, "that allows us to herd the ducks into the area that we need them to be - then back off and let them relax."

PRANK VIDEO: Disembodied Head

Thieves Steal 140 Wheels Off 35 New Cars

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Heritage Buick GMC in Rockwall was burglarized overnight Saturday, but it wasn't cars that were stolen -- just parts of them.

Robert Bobo, the owner of the dealership, said the Rockwall Police Department called him Sunday morning and told him that 35 of his vehicles, Yukons and pickups, were up on blocks and stripped of their 20-inch tires and wheels. The theft is estimated at $150,000.

Rockwall police said the thieves knew something about electricity because the lights were disabled on several poles at the dealership.

"I wouldn't say this was a typical theft, it was organized somehow," said Rockwall Police Sgt. Jeff Welch. "I at least think a minimum of four people were at least involved in this."

Bobo said it's not uncommon for car dealerships to occasionally be the victim of crime, but that in his experience a theft of this magnitude is not only rare, but unprecedented.

"Dealerships deal with minor incidences frequently. I've been in the car business over 20 years and I've never heard of a theft of this magnitude," said Bobo. "[The] police indicated to me that they have never had a report of a theft of this many tires/wheels at one location."

While the dealership did not have surveillance cameras at the time of the thefts, it does now.

Crime Stoppers is offering a reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for the theft and the dealership said it would match the reward. Anyone with information is asked to call the Rockwall police.

Rockwall is approximately 20 miles northeast of Dallas.

Florida man accused of child abuse after trying to remove son's cast with saw

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A Fort Lauderdale man was arrested over the weekend after he tried to saw a cast off his son's hand with a circular saw and severely cut the teenager, according to a Coral Springs police affidavit released on Monday.

Lawrence Roberts, 33, was arrested Sunday and charged with aggravated child abuse, a first-degree felony, punishable by up to 30 years in prison.

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