Sunday, August 5, 2012

VIDEO: "Fifty Shades of Grey" by Gilbert Gottfried

JOKE: Mother's Day dinner

A family was out for Mother's Day dinner. The mother was unusually quiet. Her husband asked, "What's wrong?'

She hesitated and then said, "Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you: I've cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for fifteen years and on Mother's Day I don't get so much as a 'Thank you.' "

"Why should I?" he said, "not once in 15 years have I received a Father's Day gift."

She replied, "Yeah, but I'm their real mother!"



GOT CAPTION? 8/5 v.2.0


GOT CAPTION? 8/5 v.3.0



Mystery of live fish that fell from a tree


Three women in North Vancouver are trying to reunite an exotic fish that fell out of a tree with its owner. Cindy Wilkinson got home on Monday to find a voice message from her friend Jan Bailey. "She said, 'The strangest thing just happened. A fish just fell out of our cedar tree on to the ground.'" Bailey had seen the fish dive into her backyard. Her husband went out to investigate, and found the piscine drop-in covered in cedar needles but still alive. It was an unusual looking fish, reddy orange and about 25 centimetres long. Bailey hauled out an old aquarium, filled it with water and put the fish inside.

Then she called Wilkinson, who promptly called Lynda Taylor, another friend who knows her fish and has a big koi pond. "I said, 'There's a fish that just fell out of a tree,'" said Bailey. The friends decided some Internet sleuthing was in order. A quick check showed the mystery fish was probably a cichlid, an aquarium fish native to South and Central America and usually kept in indoor aquariums. Wilkinson and Taylor took it to a local pet store and had its identity as a Midas cichlid con-firmed; it's described online as a "rather robust fish." What's still a mystery is how the fish ended up in the tree.

"Maybe someone was cleaning out its tank and left it outside for a minute," said Wilkinson. Taylor said it's also possible the cichlid was put in an outdoor pond for the summer. Her best guess is an eagle or a heron, seeing a potential meal, snatched it from the water and dropped the fish from its perch. For now, Taylor has set up the cichlid, nicknamed Lucky, in a small 30-gallon tank with pH-balanced water, plants and a bubbler to aerate his environment. "He's swimming around and he's happy," said Wilkinson.

Because Midas cichlids can be aggressive towards other fish, Lucky has the tank to himself. Lucky has also turned from orange to a paler peach colour. Taylor, who already has koi, shubunkins, goldfish and rosy reds, is keeping a close eye on the new arrival. "I've saved a lot of fishes. But not a cichlid. And not one that's fallen out of a tree," she said. What Taylor and Wilkinson hope to do is to reunite the fish with its owner. "Who is going to think their fish is alive?" asked Wilkinson. "It's an unusual fish. I'm sure not many people have lost one of these things."

VIDEO: Doctors amazed by two-year-old who can already read and list all the countries in the world


Sherwyn Sarabi's parents believe they may have a genius on their hands - aged just two. He can identify all the countries of the world, can read, use an iPad and has amazed doctors and child psychologists with his intelligence.

Sherwyn, of South Yorkshire, England, can count to 200, explain volcanoes and shooting stars, and describe all major body organs and their functions. The gifted toddler, who turns three in September, said his first words at ten months and could name all 2D and 3D shapes aged 18 months.

Sherwyn's mother, former schoolteacher Amanda Sarabi, 35, said: "At first we just thought it was normal behaviour, then one day when we were in the doctor's office, he was looking at a map on the wall and started pointing out countries he recognised.

"The doctor was amazed and said he'd never seen anything like it. We've taken him to see a couple of psychologists who have both said he is gifted."


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