Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks up the the bar and sits down. He proceeds to order a beer for himself and for the little Leprechaun.
Well, the guy and the Leprechaun drink about two beers when finally the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy's shoulder, trots down the bar and stands in front of a rather large construction worker. He looks at the construction worker and goes, "pfffffft" right to the big guy's face.
Well the Leprechaun trots on back on hops back onto his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is a little ticked, but decides to shine on this breach of manners.
After another beer and a half though, the Leprechaun hops down and again goes in front of the construction worker and goes, "pffffffft" to the construction workers face.
The Leprechaun trots on back and hops back on his buddy's shoulder. The construction worker is visibly bothered, but decides not to do anything again.
Well sure enough, the guy and the Leprechaun drink another beer. Soon enough the Leprechaun hops down, trots in front of the construction worker and goes,"pffffffft" to his face. Well, this time the big guy has had enough of the little guy's manners and walks over to the fellow with the Leprechaun, again on his shoulder.
The construction worker tells this fella, "If your little friend does that again, I'm gonna cut off his little dick!" The fellow tells the big guy "Well Leprechauns don't have dicks." The big guy asks, "Well how does he go pee?" The fellow with the Leprechaun on his shoulder looks at the big guy and goes, "pffffffft."
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Meet the luckiest truck driver in Russia. A dashcam video caught a Russian truck driver crashing head-on with a tractor trailer, flying through the windshield, miraculously landing on his feet and walking away. The accident happened on a bypass near the city of Vladimir.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
The annual fair celebrates a religious holy day with a funfair, market and entertainment as pilgrims come to the temple from all over China. Due to the thousands of visitors it has become a magnet for down-and-outs looking for charity from festival-goers. ‘This year we decided we would no longer accept beggars wandering everywhere, distressing our guests and spoiling it for everyone else,' explained one organiser before adding that no one is forcing them to beg and that they have voluntarily entered the cages. Over the last few years we have had increasing numbers of beggars turning up at the festival and it was becoming very intruding for our visitors. They were being harassed and made to feel uncomfortable. ‘We had no choice but to ban them from the grounds. We found the cages a good solution for everyone. People can still give them donations if they desire too but are not harassed and followed around the festival when they are having a day out with their families. The beggars are quite comfortable in their cages, people send them food and water as gifts. In a way it is better for them there than having to find a place on the busy streets. Our guests come here to enjoy themselves and that is our top priority. The beggars can leave whenever they like but they have to leave the city too, they can't go into the fair,’ they added.
The cages have infuriated human rights campaigners in China who have branded them a human zoo. ‘They are treating them like zoo animals. What will they have to do next - tricks for their food?‘ said one. ‘They are kept behind iron railings at the entrance to the fair, they are supplied with water and food by festival organisers but have to eat it stuck in these cages. This is nothing less than public humiliation. Do they want people to believe the region has no poor people and just put on a good show? These people need help. We should not be allowing them to be locked away in cages. These people are human beings too.’
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
01. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
02. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
03. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
04. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it is hard to pronounce.
05. I am really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
06. Ah. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
07. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
08. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
09. Does everyone visualize duct tape over your mouth so early into the conversation.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about your being competent.
11. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
12. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
13. What am I? ...Flypaper for freaks?
14. And your cry baby, whiny butt opinion would be?
15. Do I LOOK like a people person?
16. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
17. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
18. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
19. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
20. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
21. Interesting perfume. Must you marinate in it?
22. God loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
23. How about never? Is never good for you?
24. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
25. CHAOS, PANIC, & DISORDER - my work here is done.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Capitan, a German shepherd, reportedly ran away from home after its owner, Miguel Guzman, died in 2006. A week later, the Guzman family found the dog sitting by his grave in central Argentina.
Miguel Guzman adopted Capitan in 2005 as a gift for his teenage son, Damian. And for the past six years, Capitan has continued to stand guard at Miguel's grave. The family says the dog rarely leaves the site.
"We searched for him, but he had vanished," widow Veronica Guzman told LaVoz.com. "We thought he must have got run over and died.
'The following Sunday we went to the cemetery, and Damian recognized his pet. Capitan came up to us, barking and wailing as if he were crying."
Adding to the unusual circumstances, Veronica says the family never brought Capitan to the cemetery before he was discovered there.
"It is a mystery how he managed to find the place," she said.
Cemetery director Hector Baccega says he and his staff have begun feeding and taking care of Capitan.
"He turned up here one day, all on his own, and started wandering all around the cemetery until he eventually found the tomb of his master," Baccega said.
"During the day he sometimes has a walk around the cemetery, but always rushes back to the grave. And every day, at six o'clock sharp, he lies down on top of the grave, stays there all night."
But the Guzman family hasn't abandoned Capitan. Damian says the family has tried to bring Capitan home several times but that he always returns to the cemetery on his own.
"I think he's going to be there until he dies, too. He's looking after my dad," he said.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had to much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar!"
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded, "Hell then, if you're that far in, you might as well finish up."
Friday, September 7, 2012
According to Tan Chaoyun, teachers at their primary school in Shenzen, Guangdong Province, were worried that people would not be able to tell the difference between her four six-year-old sons. "They are identical, even to me", she said, adding that the only difference between them is the shape of their eyelids.
This has led to some problems when it comes to keeping the children under control. "Their father [has trouble] telling the differences among them," Tan revealed. "Sometimes he would punish the second one for the third one's mistake."
When the boys were younger, Tan resorted to using ankle tags to tell them apart. Now she has taken a more drastic step to distinguish the boys from each other. "Teachers and classmates can't get confused with the big marks on their head," she added.
Monday, September 3, 2012
A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and
a shapely 30 something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered
the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would
you like to buy some peaches?'
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, 'Are they as
firm as this?' He nodded his head and said, 'Yes ma'am,' and a little
tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, 'Are they
nice and pink like this?' The farmer said, Yes,' and another tear came
from the other eye..
She unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, 'Are they as fuzzy
as this?' He again said, 'Yes,' and broke down crying. She asked, 'Why on
earth are you crying?'
Drying his eyes he replied, ''The drought got my corn, the flood got my
soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get
screwed out of my peaches.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
"No, honey, that dress doesn't make you look fat. You make that dress look fat."
"You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
"This vest is guaranteed to be totally bullet-proof."
"Hey, watch this!"
"I know how to fly a plane, I just don't know how to land."
"Oh, yeah? You don't look so tough."
"I'm sure it's perfectly safe."
"Don't worry. These natives aren't cannibals!"
"Here, hold my beer!"
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
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