Thursday, August 30, 2012


Morris and his wife were vacationing in Hawaii when a violent earthquake occurred at 3 AM. As soon as morning came, the man went down to the hotel lobby to read the newspaper about what had happened. As he was reading the newspaper, a local gentlemen stepped up and ask him if he had felt the earthquake during the night.

"I sure did. My wife and I are here on vacation from the mainland, and I have felt other earthquakes, but I have never felt a quake like that one, it was terrible. I thought the building was going to come down on us."

The guy asks, "What were you doing during the earthquake?"

"Gee, I was having the best sexual performance of my life as that earthquake was happening."

"Is that right? And what did your wife think about it?"

Morris answered, "Well, it damn near woke her up!"



Wednesday, August 29, 2012

VIDEO: A real infomercial .. Perfect Polly Pet

JOKE: The Sex Therapist

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lied about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone has had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled an auditorium with people, and went down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately until he came to the last man in line, an elderly gentleman, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Twice a day," the therapist guessed. But the therapist was surprised when the man says no.

"Once a day, then?" Again the answer is no. "Twice a week?" "No." "Twice a month?" "No." The man finally said yes when the doctor got to "once a year."

The therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the elderly gentleman, "What the heck are you so happy about?"

The gent answered, "Tonight's the night!"



Tuesday, August 28, 2012

JOKE: A Man Goes to the Doctor

An elderly man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room, and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the elderly man stammers, "My goodness, Doc. Exactly what's my problem?"

The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."



Australian couple charged over noisy sex


A South Australian couple may be the first to be charged with offences under the Environmental Protection Act - as a direct result of their noisy sex. Jessica Angel and Colin MacKenzie are madly in love. The only problem is, their whole neighbourhood knows it, too. After repeated complaints about their passionate but noisy love-making, police have been forced to step in to give their neighbours some peace and quiet. The couple from Adelaide's Black Forest suburb are believed to be the first in South Australia to be charged with offences under the Environmental Protection Act - as a direct result of their noisy sex and could face up to a $4000 fine. Police patrols have been to the couple's unit 20 times since April.

The latest callouts - last Sunday night and twice early on Tuesday morning - resulted in the couple being charged with disturbing the public peace and hindering an environmental protection officer. "We exceeded the noise pollution to the point we were arrested and taken out of our own house and told we couldn't have sex," a stunned Ms Angel said. Mr MacKenzie said: "It is completely over the top. I have been fined for having sex in my own house." On Sunday night, Ms Angel, 34, allegedly the loudest, was issued with an emergency Environment Protection Order by police. The 72-hour order required her to cease "emanating any and all environmental nuisance" including "screaming, loud moaning, swearing and raised voices". Despite the order - issued at 7.30 Sunday night - police were called back early on Tuesday morning. Ms Angel and Mr MacKenzie were fined $315 for breaching Sunday's police order and again warned to be quiet.

At 3.30am, police were called again, after a further complaint about their noisy sex.
This time the couple was arrested after being woken by officers and taken to Sturt police station, formally charged and given police bail to appear in Adelaide Magistrates Court next month. Ms Angel said police told them Sunday night's callout was in response to a report of a domestic dispute and "screaming", but that was wrong. "We were just having sex. No way were we fighting. We were being intimate Sunday and into Sunday night," she said. She said she was shocked to receive the order, but when fined for breaching that order, then formally charged early on Tuesday this turned to disbelief. An unrepentant Mr MacKenzie, 45, conceded they were noisy during sex, but said their neighbours could easily have knocked on the door themselves instead of calling police. "It is mostly Jessie," he said. "Our average sex goes anywhere from four, six, seven hours, basically five nights a week. That's pretty much why I am asleep at six o'clock in the afternoon. I will probably die of a heart attack, she is almost killing me as it is."

Mr MacKenzie said he felt many complaints were malicious, and on some occasions they were not even at home. "We can't even have sex. It's ridiculous and has gone beyond a joke," he said. And to be charged for being too loud, what did they bring a decimetre or something with them in the middle of it? This is all going on someone's hearsay. It is bizarre. What are people doing, just sitting in their flat listening to me and then they say, `I don't like the sound of that so I will ring up and complain.'? How can you live in a place where you can't have sex? It's ridiculous." Sturt Police Detective Chief Inspector Trevor Lovegrove said the incident was "certainly one of the more interesting matters police have had to deal with. We don't want to be seen as the killjoy police because we're certainly not. People have a right to privacy within their own home, but when their actions impact others police need to step in before a situation escalates. In the past, police have been called to the property and warnings issued. On this occasion police had been called earlier in the night, so when called back they took steps to ensure neighbours got a good night's sleep."

Monday, August 27, 2012

VIDEO: Doggie waits for the ice cream truck


A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck gal are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice."
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."
The redneck gal, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says: "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."



VIDEO: Parrot Loves Grooming

Sunday, August 26, 2012

JOKE: A little old lady went into the bank

A little old lady went into the bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!" The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.

She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash on his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The old lady said, "Okay. But since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied.

The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

The president said, "What wrong with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand!"



VIDEO: You've Never Seen Anything Like This!

Saturday, August 25, 2012


VIDEO: Happy Dachshund

JOKE: Jewish Guilt

One weekend, a man decided to call his mother in Florida because it had been quite some time since they had chatted. The man asked his mother, "How are you doing?"

She said, "Not to good. I' have been very weak."

The son then asked, "Mom, why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The son then asked, "How come you haven't eaten in 38 days?"

His mother replied, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when you called."




Thursday, August 23, 2012


A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."



VIDEO: There are bartenders..and then there is this guy

A Story About a Man and His Squirrel

Soldiers in Belarus found a little squirrel and brought it to the Warrant officer.
The squirrel was very weak, so the officer took care of it, fed like a baby every 4 hours.
3 months ago the guy left the army and now works as a taxi driver - and the squirrel is always
with him no matter where he goes!


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

JOKE: An American in Scotland

An American businessman in walked into a Glasgow restaurant and asked the waitress, "What's the special?"

"R-r-r-r-roast and r-r-r-r-rice," the Scottish miss replied in her heavy brogue.

"You sure do roll your R's," said the businessman.

She blushed. "Oh, that's because I'm wearing these new high heels!"



VIDEO: Boxer Floyd Mayweather Counts Out One Million Dollars On His Private Jet

Floyd Mayweather made at least $32 million for just his last fight in May 2012 versus Miguel Cotto. He is worth about $115 million.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

VIDEO: Cat Gives a High Five


Bob was lamenting to the bartender that he met his wife in a brothel.

"You shouldn't be so unhappy about it," the barkeep said, "It's actually really romantic."

"Oh,yeah?" responded Bob. "Well, I thought she was home taking care of the kids and she thought I was bowling. And to clinch it all, the madame wouldn't give me my money back and refused to give me another girl."



VIDEO: Grieving mother hears dead son's heartbeat again after giving life to another


A grief stricken mother got to hear her son's heart beat again. It's something she's prayed for since he died eight months ago. Her son, 16-year-old Caleb Beaver of Saucier, Mississippi, died on Christmas Day 2011. But the gift he gave to a very sick man brought two families, thousands of miles apart, together last week. Caleb Beaver was a big brother and beloved son, a great musician and Harrison Central soccer player who wanted to be a doctor one day.

But the 16-year-old died suddenly on Christmas day after two strokes from a malformation in his circulatory system that he was probably born with. One night, his devastated mother prayed for a sign to feel close to him again. His mother, April Beaver, said, "I was talking to God and crying out and I asked God to let me have a dream or something. I wanted to feel close to Caleb's heart. I wanted to hear his heart beat." The next day her prayers were answered, with a letter from the Kentucky man who wanted to come to Gulfport to say 'thank you' in person.

He had received Caleb's heart through the selfless act of organ donation. As Chuck Shelton, his wife, Amy, and two teenage sons approached them at Gulfport Biloxi International Airport, April Beaver said, "Is it real? Yes, it's real." The first thing they did was embrace and then both pulled out their stethoscopes. There was not a dry eye around as she said "That's Caleb" as she listened and sobbed Shelton said "yes that's Caleb, it's very strong." Shelton invited Caleb's whole family to feel and hear his heart beat. The Lexington psychiatrist wanted to thank them and in some small way, help them all heal. Just eight months ago, he was a very, very sick man.

The grateful heart recipient said, "It's a miracle, it's amazing and I'm back, I'm even better than I had been three or four years ago." Like Caleb, this athlete also played bass guitar in a band as a kid, and is a doctor like Caleb hoped to be one day. Now that they've met Chuck Shelton April and Owen Beaver know more than ever, that organ donation was the right thing to do. April said, "That's what Caleb would have wanted." The man whose life he saved said "It's a gift and it's just indescribable."

Monday, August 20, 2012

GOT CAPTION? 8/20 v.2.0




VIDEO: Kitten dangles from cereal bowl



Grope discounts available.

Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants.

If we did our job any better, we'd have to buy you dinner first.

Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.

Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.

Throw a few back at the airport Chili's and you won't even notice.

Wanna fly? Drop your fly.

We are now free to move about your pants.

We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way.

It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat.

When in doubt, we make you whip it out.

TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'

You were a virgin.

We handle more packages than the USPS.

The TSA isn't silly, they just want to inspect your willy.

Stroke of the hand, law of the land.

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem.

Let your fingers do the Walking.

Turn your head to the side and Cough.

Reach out and touch someone.

Can you feel me now?

When we're done with you, you'll need a cigarette.

VIDEO: Inside a Russian Billionaire's $300 Million Yacht

Saturday, August 18, 2012

JOKES: 8/18

A woman was concerned about her husband's smoking, but finally got him to agree to only smoke at home when they had finished making love. After about a week, her friend asked her how it was going. "Well, not too bad," she said with a big smile. "He's down to about a pack a night!"

A woman, pregnant with her first child, was being examined in her obstetrician's office. "Doctor, my husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know," said the doctor, "I get asked this all the time. It's okay to have sex until late in your pregnancy." "No, that's not it," she said. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

After the executive hired a hot new secretary, it was only a few days before he put the moves on her. She readily agreed and they had a great time. But after a week or so, she started taking advantage of their relationship, showing up late for work, being surly to clients, losing messages, turning out sloppy work. Finally, he pulled her aside for a little talk. "Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start slacking off on the job?" She gave him a sly smile and purred, "My lawyer!"

A doctor pulled a rectal thermometer from his pocket, stared at it, shook his head and said, "Looks like some a$shole has my pen!"

A man decided to take up golf, so he signed up for lessons with the local pro. The pro showed him the proper stance and grip and swing and then said, "Now just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked a beauty, straight down the fairway, onto the green, stopping inches from the hole. "Now what?" the man asked the shocked pro. "Uh, you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." "Oh, great!" said the beginner in a disgusted tone. "Now you tell me!"



Friday, August 17, 2012

JOKE: Diesel Fitter

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation,

Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs.'

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled

labour, he gave him 80 dollars a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 dollars a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out

why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.'

'What skill?' yelled Paddy. 'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.'



VIDEO: This Tire Fights Back If You Stab It

Watch as air rushing out of the resulting stab wound in its sidewall not only lays the man out, but rips off his jacket in the process.

VIDEO: Here are some Sarcastic Fringeheads

Thursday, August 16, 2012

VIDEO: Scottish Fold Kitten Nibbles Ears..

JOKE: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken!

A young police recruit was asked during his final exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered with a smile, "Call for backup!"

Cleaning her teenage son's room, a woman discovers a masochistic porn magazine. She freaks out and calls her husband to ask what she should do. "Well, I'm not exactly sure," says the husband, "but for God's sake, don't spank him!"

Mr. Larsen's new secretary was young, sweet, and very polite. One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. She didn't want to embarrass him, so she waited until she was leaving his office before saying, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open." The remark confused him until he happened to look down and see his open zipper. He decided to have some fun. Calling her in, he asked, "Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?" Miss Jones smiled demurely. "Why no, sir. But I did see a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags!"



Wednesday, August 15, 2012

VIDEO: World's Most Famous Cat Might Be World's Smartest

VIDEO: Driver okay after spectacular crash on Pike's Peak

A racing driver who flipped about 12 times down the side of a hill in a spectacular crash during the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb walked away unhurt.

Jeremy Foley and his co-driver Yuri Kouznetsov took a corner too fast at the 16 mile mark of the famous rally race held in Colorado over the weekend.

The Mistubishi Evo 8 was ripped to shreds as it flipped continuously down the steep hill. Both men were airlifted to a local hospital and have since been released.

Mr Foley said he was a little bruised by the crash and local media reports suggest he broke his leg while other reports suggest both drivers were not injured in the crash.

VIDEO: Cutest puppy video ever!

HeritageGoldens said:
Puppy frenzy! We emptied the puppy swimming pool to clean it. As you can see the puppies had a fit and couldn't understand why their pool didn't have water like it usually does. Their favorite thing every morning is to run out of the house into their pool.
There is nothing like a gang of angry 5 week old golden retriever puppies to get your morning started! You'll be glad to know the pool was promptly filled and the puppies are happy campers again! They are just a little spoiled!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

VIDEO: Outrageously Funny Dog Refuses Treat

by PentagramSchematic

My 5.5 month old fox red lab is terrified of a specific type of jerky. This is strange, and yet hilarious, because this is a dog who will eat anything and pretty much everything. Watch him flip his shit.I know some people would like to play animal activist but I will have you know that this in no way counts as abuse. Once I finished filming, he went back to playing with his toys. He is a much loved and much spoiled pup.

JOKE: The Sexy Neighbor

A middle-aged married couple moved into a new condo, right beside a sexy young single woman. The husband soon took to borrowing things from their neighbor and his wife thought it took way too long for him to return. Finally, she had had enough. She pounded on the wall between the two apartments, but there was no response. So she telephoned but it went straight to voicemail. Finally, she pounded on single's door while ringing her bell. When the door finally opened, the wife fumed, "Why does my husband take so damned long when he comes over here!"

The cutie replied, "Well, sweetie, all these interruptions ain't helping!"



GOT CAPTION? 8/14 v.2.0


GOT CAPTION? 8/14 v.3.0


VIDEO: More Biff Romney Bad Lip Reading

VIDEO: Teddy The A**hole Cat Knocks Over A Bottle

Apparently, Teddy the cat is an a**hole, at least according to his owner krmrmlp. Even under the watchful eye of the camera lens, Teddy shows just how rotten he is, and simply knocks a bottle off the dresser just to be a grouch.

VIDEO: Beagle puppy viciously attacks a Great Dane

Monday, August 13, 2012

JOKE: The Minister


A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. "Evening, boys. What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied the one lad. "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" intoned the minister. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about sex at all."

The boys looked at each other and one said, "You win, Pastor!"





Sunday, August 12, 2012



JOKE: Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Van Damme in Casting

A top movie producer was discussing his new project, an action docudrama about famous composers with several top stars. Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Van Damme were present. The producer really desired the box office oomph of these three, so they were prepared to allow them to select that famous composers they would portray.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, "I'll play him."

The producer was pleased. "Sounds splendid. But who do you want to be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

VIDEO: Plane crash video from inside cockpit

action begins@2:40

link will take you to the action

This is unprecedented footage of a small airplane crash from inside the cockpit from two different views. Miraculously, everyone survived. The pilot will make a full recovery and the rest of us escaped with superficial injuries and feel very lucky to be alive . This trip was much anticipated and due to our excitement we had our Gopro cameras filming at various times. After flying up into the mountains for a morning hike in the Frank Church River of No Return Wilderness we were planning on flying to a small mountain town for dinner. Due to warming temperatures there was an increase in density altitude and we had a hard time getting adequate lift. After taking off we hit an air pocket that made us rapidly loose altitude, pushing us down into the trees. The cameras were left on for a couple of hours during the aftermath. Thank you to all the many individuals who eventually came to our aid and took the time and effort to help in any way they could. We appreciate you more than you know.

VIDEO: Man charged with driving lawn mower while under the influence had drunk 14 beers in 2� miles


James David Gray allegedly said he has "a bad drinking problem." The 68-year-old Florida man, who was arrested on Tuesday and charged with driving a lawn mower while intoxicated, said he has been drinking since he was 16, can't control his habit and needs help. During the last two years, Gray, who receives a disability check, said he had not taken a sip of alcohol. Before that, he said, he used to drink a 12-pack a day.

But on his way home in Citra after cutting grass on Tuesday, Gray said he stopped at a convenience store and purchased an 18-pack of Natural Ice because he was hot and depressed. Gray said he was depressed because the $459 a month from his disability check and the $300 a month he earns from cutting grass is not enough. It was a bad decision. Marion County sheriff's Deputy Rick Palmateer was doing a security check in the Lakes and Meadows subdivision in Citra when he noticed Gray riding the red lawn mower south in the northbound lane.

Stopping the mower, Palmateer found that Gray's eyes were bloodshot and his speech was slurred. The deputy said Gray's breath had a strong smell of alcohol and there was a cold beer open in a cup holder on the lawn mower. Gray said that when the deputy stopped him he had only four beers left. He had ridden about 2� miles from the store, Gray said. He had another half mile to go to his residence, where he lives with his sister. Palmateer reported that Gray failed a field sobriety test.

He was taken to the Marion County Jail, where breath tests showed he had a blood alcohol level of .138 and .147. Those results are well above the .08 level at which one is presumed to be too intoxicated to drive. Gray was charged with DUI. The deputy checked his record and found that Gray had been convicted four times for DUI. With this arrest, Gray violated his felony drug probation, which had begun on July 9, 2011, and was slated to end July 8, 2013. As for the lawn mower, Gray said he handed it over to his sister. He said was it rented and he had just made the first payment of $127 a month.

Dog carried puppies from blazing house and placed them on fire truck


A dog rescued her ten-day-old puppies from a house fire and carried them to safety. The blaze broke out at a home in Santa Rosa de Temuco, Chile, on Thursday after a car bomb went off.

The mother dog - a German Shepherd mix called Amanda - risked her life to pick up the puppies in her mouth and carried them from the burning house to the safety of the fire truck. She ran between the house and truck over and over again until all puppies were safe.


After rescuing all of her pups from the blaze, Amanda sat down next to them, protecting them with her body as the firefighters fought the blaze. Amanda and her puppies were then taken to a vet where one puppy called Amparo, who had suffered severe burns, died. The other four puppies were doing well.


The vet, Felipe Lara, said that Amanda had defended her puppies when they tried to take them away from her to care for them. Eventually she let them check over her pups but she wanted to stay with ailing Amparo and did not want to let her from her sight.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

VIDEO: Dalmatian adopts abandoned spotted lamb

A lamb with markings like a dalmatian dog is turning heads in South Australia's Barossa Valley. The lamb belongs to local dalmatian breeder Julie Bolton and has been adopted by one of her dogs after being abandoned by its mother. Ms Bolton says she laughed when she first saw the animal.

"It is truly spotted. Black spots on a white-based coat which is the same as a dalmatian," she said. "Now the mother who doesn't have puppies at the moment is actually cleaning it and licking it and mothering it and it tries to mother up to her udder. The lamb follows the dog but it gets its milk from me from the bottle."

University of Adelaide animal behaviour expert Dr Susan Hazel says bonds between different species are not uncommon. "The striking thing about this particular story is that the animals look alike. That's why people like it. It's a cute picture but it's not an unusual story," she said. "It's hard to know what goes on in the mind of an animal but I think a lamb, even with spots, a dog's going to know it's not a puppy.

"There are neuropeptides that we know are related to the formation of bonds in animals and also in humans." Dr Hazel says the fact that the lamb's coat resembles that of a dalmatian may be just a coincidence. "The bond that lambs form with their mother plays a very important part so I don't think just looking alike would be enough for a lamb to bond."

Friday, August 10, 2012

JOKE: A salesman stopped at a farmhouse

A salesman stopped at a farmhouse and saw a three legged pig hopping around. So he ask the farmer what's with the pig? The farmer said that's a very good pig. He saved our lives when our house was on fire. He woke us up. And he pulled my grand son from the pond and saved him from drowning. The salesman ask how did he loose his leg?

The farmer replied: "you just dont eat a pig like that all at once".



GOT CAPTION? 8/10 v.2.0


GOT CAPTION? 8/10 v.3.0


Thursday, August 9, 2012

Waterboarding Charges Against Delaware Doctor Who Tortured Young Daughter

A Delaware pediatrician who writes about near-death experiences of children and has appeared on "Oprah" is accused of waterboarding his 11-year-old daughter for two years, according to Delaware State Police.
Dr. Melvin Morse, 58, and his wife Pauline, 40, were arrested Tuesday, a day after their daughter told a child advocate that her father had "waterboarded" her four times between May 2009 and May 2011 while her mother watched and did nothing to stop the abuse, Cpl. Gary Fournier told ABC News.

Delaware's Child Advocacy Center first became aware of the girl, whose name has not been disclosed, following a July 12 incident in which Morse was charged with third-degree assault for allegedly pulling his daughter out of a car, dragging her across a gravel driveway and spanking her in their Sussex County home, Fournier said.

The girl reported that incident to a neighbor who called police, Fournier said. Morse was later released from custody after he posted $750 in bail.

She later told the child advocate about the alleged waterboarding, police said, triggering the parents' arrest on Tuesday.

The Morses each face two counts of endangering the welfare of a child, a second-degree felony conspiracy charge and four counts of felony first-degree reckless endangering for the alleged waterboarding incidents.

As a method of disciplining his daughter, Morse held her face under a running faucet, causing the water to go up her nose, Fournier said.

Melvin Morse is the author of two books on near-death experiences, "Closer to the Light" and "Transformed by the Light." He appeared on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" and "Larry King Live" in 2010 to discuss his research on the psychological effects of being on the verge of death.

Melvin Morse's attorney, Joe Hurley, said he did not yet know enough about the case to comment on it, but said "There is always another side to the story."

Hurley said he was concerned that Morse would not get a fair trial because of the notorious 2010 case of Earl Bradley, also a pediatrician in Sussex County, who was convicted of molesting, raping and exploiting more than 100 of his patients, including some as young as 3-months-old. Hurley said Morse bears a striking physical resemblance to Bradley, who is thought by some to be the worst pedophile in American history and whose face was plastered all over local and regional newspapers for months during his trial.
"It was the case of the century," Hurley said. "The chances of finding 12 people in that county who could be fair jurors for this case are non-existent."

The Morses' daughter and her 5-year-old sister are in the care of the state's Division of Family Services.
Their parents have been ordered not to have contact with each other or their children. Pauline Morse was released from Sussex Correctional Institute on $14,500 unsecured bail and could not be reached for comment today.
Her husband is also being held there on $14,500 secured bond. Jason Miller, a spokesman for the Delaware attorney general's office, said the state issued an emergency petition to suspend Morse's medical license Wednesday.
The Morses will appear in court next week for a preliminary hearing.



It was fun being a baby boomer until now. Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:

Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

Ringo Starr - I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon - Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye - Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations - Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba - Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando - Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

Helen Reddy - I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

And my favorite: Willie Nelson - On the Commode Again.



GOT CAPTION? 8/9 v.2.0


GOT CAPTION? 8/9 v.3.0


VIDEO: Super parkour dog

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

JOKE: "Grampa, what is couple sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather who was working in the yard and asked him "Grampa, what is couple sex?

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied,
"Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.




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