JOKE: The Hijacker

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door burst open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and stewardess. He held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place." The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and says, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." But the copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." But the navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the stewardess's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HER brains all over the place." No one says a word, but the stewardess leaned over and whispered something into the hijacker's ear. He turned beet red, dropped his gun, and ran out of the cockpit in a panic. The crew tracked down the hijacker, who was found cowering behind some crates in the hold, and tied him up. The pilot then asked the stewardess what she said that terrified the man so. "I told him, sir," she replied, "that if he killed me, HE'd be the one who'd have to give you guys your blowjobs."

GOT CAPTION? 11/28

GOT CAPTION? 11/28 v.2.0

JOKE: A man and wife go golfing

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.”

“We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball……..stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,

“Hey, this looks like yours!”

VIDEO: Wife Acknowledges Abuse of Young Boy By Her Husband..Syracuse Univ. Basketball Coach

Earlier this month, Syracuse assistant basketball coach Bernie Fine was accused of sexual molestation by former ball boys Bobby Davis and Mike Lang.

The story gets even more bizarre. Davis said, and Laurie Fine appears to acknowledge, that the two of them had a sexual relationship when Davis was 18. Davis said he told Bernie Fine about it.

VIDEO: Two Close Calls

VIDEO: Elephants Reunited After 20 Years

Moving video of 2 elephants reunited after 20 years. The Dallas Zoo had an elephant named Jenny, who was alone for 20 years after they had sent one elephant to another zoo for mating. There was talk about sending her to a zoo in Mexico , but the outcry from animal lovers prevented that. Now, finally, there are 2 more elephants. Can you imagine the loneliness these animals felt to have been isolated for so long when they are naturally loving toward all members of their troop. At least now they each have companions to spend their days with.

Jenny and Shirley were elephants at the same circus when Jenny was a calf, and Shirley was in her twenties. The two lived one winter together, but then were separated twenty-two years ago.

It's very rare for elephants to display this kind of emotion in captivity, and it's probably the first time such a thing has been documented on film.