Thursday, October 8, 2009

Mother of the Year Nominee

Unlimited Free Image and File Hosting at MediaFire OCTOBER 6--Meet Jackie Knott. The Alabama woman, 37, is facing a child endangerment rap for allegedly having her teenage daughter ride in a cardboard box atop her minivan as it traveled along an interstate highway Saturday morning. Knott, pictured in the above Albertville Police Department mug shot, told cops that her 13-year-old daughter Haley was serving as a human paperweight to keep the box from falling off the vehicle (and careening down U.S. 431). While Knott explained that the box was too large to fit inside her van, it is unclear why she did not seek to simply flatten it in an effort to squeeze the box into her crowded vehicle. When stopped by cops, Knott, a Boaz, Alabama resident, noted that "the box was tied to the van with a clothes hanger," according to a police press release.

British Tourists Love Fucking

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British tourists have left the residents of one charming Austrian village effing and blinding by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly named village.

While British visitors are finding it hilarious, the residents of Fucking are failing to see the funny side.

Only one kind of criminal stalks the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border - cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humor and a screwdriver.

But the local authorities are hitting back with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout.

"We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed," the officer said.

"It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is puerile."

Local tourist guide Andreas Behmueller said it was only the British that had a fixation with Fucking.

"The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg," he explained. "Every American seems to care only about 'The Sound of Music' (the 1965 film shot around Salzburg.) The occasional Japanese wants to see Hilter's birthplace in Braunau."

"But for the British, it's all about Fucking."

Guesthouse manager Augustina Lindelbauer described the village's breathtaking lakes, forests and vistas. "Yet still there is this obsession with Fucking," she said. "Just this morning I had to tell an English lady that there were no Fucking postcards."

We don't know how severe the stolen sign problem there really is, but Austria is indeed home to a town called 'Fucking' (48' 03"N 13' 51"E). Pronounced "fooking," the little hamlet of Fucking is named after the man who founded the village in the 6th century. His name? Focko.

This sign carries the hilarity even further: "Bitte - nicht so schnell!" is German for "Please - not so fast!" (Snopes.com)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria

Spokane Blows Up Problem Squirrels


SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) - The Finch Arboretum is being overrun by ground squirrels, and Spokane Parks and Recreation is bringing in some special artillery.

The agency is using a special machine called the Rodenator Pro to detonate some of the estimated 100 to 150 squirrels tearing up the grounds.

The Rodenator Pro pumps propane and oxygen into the tunnels of squirrels, then sends an electric spark that causes an explosion. The shock waves kill the squirrels and collapse their tunnels - but in a humane way, the agency said.

Spokanimal, which is the local animal shelter and Humane Society chapter, was caught by surprise by Monday's announcement.

"You're kidding," Director Gail Mackie said when she learned the news. "That borders on cruelty."

Mackie said she would investigate the practice.

The parks department is warning area residents that it plans to blast squirrels all week, and to not be alarmed by noises that sound like gun shots. Parks officials said police have already been called to the arboretum by people who heard the explosions.

Timing is crucial. Parks officials said they want to detonate their prey before the animals start reproducing.

Parks officials said ground squirrels have been a minor problem for years, but their population is, well, exploding.

The squirrels dig tunnels and holes that people can trip on or fall into, the agency said. They eat new tree roots, can spread disease and are spreading to neighboring yards.

Gas bombs were tried in the past, but were not effective, the agency said.

Enter the Rodenator, a product whose workings have been captured on numerous YouTube videos. The company is based in Midvale, Idaho, and promises on its Web site that its product is effective against the "saber-toothed gopher."



a Joke for Thursday

No Bell Piece Prize and the Pulletsurprise

Burt was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Burt's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover. To Burt's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.


Burt was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the District Fall Fair. The rooster became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.


Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

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