* The voices in my head told me to clean all the guns today.
* When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the crapper, but I feel good about it.
* I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
* The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
* I prefer to remain an enigma.
* My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
* I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.