Thursday, October 28, 2010

WHAT A NIGHTMARE!!!!

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In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I'm circumcised!

Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo and it was that same color. Black.

I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair.

But it's a wheelchair!!

That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!!

I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.''It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed!!!

I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Oh, my God..... Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive! !!

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH,noooooo...I' m Bald!!!

The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, 'Since Mom and Dad died the only thing you do is hangout, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.

Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo.. .Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan.

But he doesn't get it.

Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand!!!

With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out.

I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses!

There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker... .

Pacemaker?

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV- positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetiepie,my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided which inaugural party we are going to for Obama ?????

Say it isn't so!!!

I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed,drug addicted, Jewish queer on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald,orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend ,but please, oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a DEMOCRAT....

JOKE: A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle

eagle bald

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?"
Man: "Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."

Judge: "Proceed."
Man: "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish.

I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the Eagle. I figured that since I killed the Eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."

Judge: "The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony."

15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.

Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the Eagle, the court will dismiss the charges.
But if you don't mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste like?"

Man: "Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe a combination between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl."

�� Got Caption ?? 10/29

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VIDEO: Man with widest mouth in the world enters record books

Measuring over six and a half inches across, Francisco Domingo Joaquim officially has the widest mouth in the world.

The 20-year-old from Sambizanga in Angola has the unusual ability to fit an entire 12 ounce can of soda in his mouth, SIDEWAYS.

Joaquim, also known as "Chiquinho", recently appeared on an Italian TV show where he amazed crowds by placing and removing a can of coke from his mouth 14 times in under a minute.

After finding out that he would feature in the Book of Guinness World Records 2011, Chiquinho said that it was "a dream come true."

VIDEO: Kitten pesters dog to distraction

VIDEO: This is Fun..Don't Wet Your Pants

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