Monday, December 13, 2010

JOKE: The Cigar Addict

"Doc, ya gotta help me: I'm addicted to cigars!" The doctor was familiar with this compulsive patient, so he recommended an unusual form of aversion therapy.

"Tonight, when you go to bed, unwrap one cigar and stick it up your butt. Then tomorrow morning, remove it, rewrap it, and place it with all your others, so you can't tell which it is. Not knowing, you won't dare smoke any of them."

"Thanks, Doc. I'll try it." Three weeks later, the same guy was back.

"What's wrong? Didn't my recommendation work?" asked the doctor.

"Well, it kinda worked, Doc."

"What does that mean?" asked the doctor.

"Now I don't smoke cigars, but I can't go to sleep without a cigar up my a$s!"

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Drunk Atlanta Tourist, Got A$$ Kicked in Brawl With Female Miami Beach Cop

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This mug shot tells only half the story, but it tells it clearly: Sterling Roderick Wilde, a 26-year-old Atlanta tourist allegedly found sleeping in a South Beach hotel hallway, tangled with the wrong lady cop.

According to her police report, Miami Beach Police Officer Lisa LoBello reported to the fourth floor of the Tides on Ocean Drive around 11 p.m. Friday, November 19, after hotel employees complained of a drunk guy sleeping on the floor. Hotel security had taken his wallet and figured out that Wilde was actually booked at the W Hotel ten blocks north.

LoBello woke Wilde and told him she would escort him downstairs to get a cab to the W, according to the report. He flashed his middle finger and told her: "Fuck you, bitch. Get the fuck off of me." As the cop tried to help Wilde off the floor, she claimed, he "began hitting [her] legs and my arms with both open hands." She tried to pull him to the elevator, and Wilde, "screaming and irate," began punching her.


LoBello -- who is 5-foot-5 and 130 pounds -- says she was unable to cuff the 180-pound Wilde, who landed several punches to her head and "began to rip out [her] hair by the ponytail and pull [her] down to the floor." LoBello punched Wilde in the face, and they grappled on the floor. He tried to tear the radio from her shoulder while continuing to pull her hair.
"Finally able to get his hands out of my hair," LoBello later wrote, she sprayed Wilde with mace and put one cuff on him. When he continued to resist, she "delivered a closed fist punch to the left side of his face," which certainly shows in that mug shot, and finished handcuffing him.

After backup arrive, Wilde was treated by paramedics, dragged "kicking and screaming" into a police vehicle, and transported to jail. Wilde was charged with felony counts of battery on a police officer, resisting arrest with violence, and depriving an officer of a radio. He's free on $16,500 bond.

LoBello "sustained serious injuries to her neck," according to MBPD spokesperson Juan Sanchez, and is on medical leave. "All department policy and protocols were followed with regards to use of force," he says.

A Wrestling Move or Sexual Assault?


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Preston Hill, a Buchanan High wrestler suspended for a wrestling move he made on a freshman teammate, with mother Kirsten Hill, shows medals he has won in wrestling since the fourth grade. The senior was supposed to be the captain of his Buchanan High wrestling team this year.

Fresno court case alarms wrestling community It's called the "butt drag," in which a wrestler grabs a rival's butt cheek and puts fingers in the anus to get leverage. The move is widely used at matches around the country and has been around for decades.

But now it is at the center of an uproar after Buchanan High wrestler Preston Hill was expelled and charged with a sex crime for using it on a teammate.

"It just doesn't make sense," said Preston's father, Darren Hill. "His coaches taught him the move when he was in middle school. All the wrestlers use it and my son did it in front of his coaches at a school-sponsored event."

Clovis police, however, say 17-year-old Preston went too far. A police report says that at a July 15 practice, he molested a Buchanan freshman teammate by inserting his fingers deep into the boy's anus, causing him pain.

The boy's father, Ross Rice, said Preston is a bully who targeted his 14-year-old son because he stood up to Preston in an earlier encounter. Now, Preston's friends are teasing the boy at school, Rice said. The Bee is not naming Rice's son because of the allegation that he is the victim of a sex crime.

"Preston took it beyond a simple wrestling move," Rice said. "He crossed the line."

The Fresno County District Attorney's Office has charged Preston with sexual battery. His trial begins Thursday in Fresno County Superior Court.

The case has some scratching their heads.

Former Fresno State coach Dennis DeLiddo said the butt drag is a common move used by wrestlers all the time. "I've never heard this move used as being ugly or dirty," he said.

On Friday, DeLiddo was at a wrestling tournament in Las Vegas. During a telephone interview, he said, "a coach just yelled out butt drag" to encourage one of his wrestlers to use it.

District Attorney Elizabeth Egan declined to comment. But Michael Idiart, a former assistant Fresno County district attorney, said he would not have filed criminal charges because wrestlers know that once they get on the mat, they are consenting to pain -- and sometimes embarrassment.

"If this is a legitimate and recognized wrestling move, the DA has no case," he said.

But if bullying had occurred, Idiart said, school officials should address it in a reasonable fashion: "Kids do stupid things. They shouldn't have their lives ruined."

Clovis Unified School District officials said they couldn't comment because of laws that protect minors.


Philly Airport Search Raises Many Questions

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At what point does an airport search step over the line?

How about when they start going through your checks, and the police call your husband, suspicious you were clearing out the bank account?

That's the complaint leveled by Kathy Parker, a 43-year-old Elkton, Md., woman, who was flying out of Philadelphia International Airport on Aug. 8.

She says she was heading to Charlotte, N.C., for work that Sunday night - she's a business support manager for a large bank - and was selected for a more in-depth search after she passed through the metal detectors at Gate B around 5:15 p.m.

A female Transportation Security Administration officer wanded her and patted her down, she says. Then she was walked over to where other TSA officers were searching her bags.

"Everything in my purse was out, including my wallet and my checkbook. I had two prescriptions in there. One was diet pills. This was embarrassing. A TSA officer said, 'Hey, I've always been curious about these. Do they work?'

"I was just so taken aback, I said, 'Yeah.' "

What happened next, she says, was more than embarrassing. It was infuriating.

That same screener started emptying her wallet. "He was taking out the receipts and looking at them," she said.

"I understand that TSA is tasked with strengthening national security but [it] surely does not need to know what I purchased at Kohl's or Wal-Mart," she wrote in her complaint, which she sent me last week.

She says she asked what he was looking for and he replied, "Razor blades." She wondered, "Wouldn't that have shown up on the metal detector?"

In a side pocket she had tucked a deposit slip and seven checks made out to her and her husband, worth about $8,000.

Her thought: "Oh, my God, this is none of his business."

Two Philadelphia police officers joined at least four TSA officers who had gathered around her. After conferring with the TSA screeners, one of the Philadelphia officers told her he was there because her checks were numbered sequentially, which she says they were not.

"It's an indication you've embezzled these checks," she says the police officer told her. He also told her she appeared nervous. She hadn't before that moment, she says.

She protested when the officer started to walk away with the checks. "That's my money," she remembers saying. The officer's reply? "It's not your money."

At this point she told the officers that she had a good explanation for the checks, but questioned whether she had to tell them.

"The police officer said if you don't tell me, you can tell the D.A."

So she explained that she and her husband had been on vacation, that they'd accumulated some hefty checks, and that she was headed to her bank's headquarters, where she intended to deposit them.

She gave police her husband's cell-phone number - he was at her mother's with their children and missed their call.

Thirty minutes after the police became involved, they decided to let her collect her belongings and board her plane.

"I was shaking," she says. "I was almost in tears."

When she got home, her husband of 20 years, John Parker, a self-employed plastics broker, said the police had called and told him that they'd suspected "a divorce situation" and that Kathy Parker was trying to empty their bank account. He set them straight.

"I was so humiliated," she said.

What happened sounds to me like a violation of a TSA policy that went into effect Sept. 1, after the American Civil Liberties Union sued the agency on behalf of the former campaign treasurer of presidential candidate Ron Paul.

In that case, Steven Bierfeldt was detained after screeners at Lambert-St. Louis International Airport discovered he was carrying about $4,700 in cash. He challenged their request that he explain where his money came from.

The new TSA directive reads: "Screening may not be conducted to detect evidence of crimes unrelated to transportation security." If evidence of a crime is discovered, then TSA agents are instructed to contact the appropriate law enforcement agency.

So just what evidence made them treat Kathy Parker like a criminal?

Lt. Frank Vanore, a Philadelphia police spokesman, said that TSA personnel had called his officers, who found the checks to be "almost sequential." They were "just checking to make sure there was nothing fraudulent," he said. "They were wondering what the story was. The officer got it cleared up."

TSA spokeswoman Ann Davis said the reason Parker was selected for in-depth screening was that her actions at the airport had aroused the suspicion of a behavior detection officer, and that she continued to act "as if she feared discovery."

"We need to ascertain whether fear of discovery is due to the fact a person is concealing a threatening item, be it a dangerous weapon or some kind of explosive," Davis said. "If the search is complete, and shows individuals not to be a threat to the aircraft or fellow passengers, they are free to go."

But why call police? Davis said, "Because her behavior escalated."

When Parker first told me her story, she didn't know the initial TSA officer was a behavior specialist. She told me he peppered her with questions about her trip as she knelt to consolidate three bags into two, and suddenly realized that her shirt was revealing too much for her comfort. When the man then volunteered to examine her belongings, she felt "it was just strange."

"When they decided to search me, there was nothing wrong with my behavior," she said. "I was trying to keep a positive demeanor about everything. My behavior didn't escalate. I did ask questions."

Vic Walczak, legal director of the Pennsylvania ACLU, called what happened to Parker "preposterous" and a violation of the Fourth Amendment, which protects people from unreasonable searches.

"I think they clearly crossed the line," he said, adding that no one had probable cause to examine her checks.

"None of this makes any sense except as a fishing expedition, which under the U.S. Constitution is not allowed. They can't rummage through her personal life. I'm not surprised this woman is outraged. She should be."

In that case, Steven Bierfeldt was detained after screeners at Lambert-St. Louis International Airport discovered he was carrying about $4,700 in cash. He challenged their request that he explain where his money came from.

The new TSA directive reads: "Screening may not be conducted to detect evidence of crimes unrelated to transportation security." If evidence of a crime is discovered, then TSA agents are instructed to contact the appropriate law enforcement agency.

So just what evidence made them treat Kathy Parker like a criminal?

Lt. Frank Vanore, a Philadelphia police spokesman, said that TSA personnel had called his officers, who found the checks to be "almost sequential." They were "just checking to make sure there was nothing fraudulent," he said. "They were wondering what the story was. The officer got it cleared up."

TSA spokeswoman Ann Davis said the reason Parker was selected for in-depth screening was that her actions at the airport had aroused the suspicion of a behavior detection officer, and that she continued to act "as if she feared discovery."

"We need to ascertain whether fear of discovery is due to the fact a person is concealing a threatening item, be it a dangerous weapon or some kind of explosive," Davis said. "If the search is complete, and shows individuals not to be a threat to the aircraft or fellow passengers, they are free to go."

But why call police? Davis said, "Because her behavior escalated."

When Parker first told me her story, she didn't know the initial TSA officer was a behavior specialist. She told me he peppered her with questions about her trip as she knelt to consolidate three bags into two, and suddenly realized that her shirt was revealing too much for her comfort. When the man then volunteered to examine her belongings, she felt "it was just strange."

"When they decided to search me, there was nothing wrong with my behavior," she said. "I was trying to keep a positive demeanor about everything. My behavior didn't escalate. I did ask questions."

Vic Walczak, legal director of the Pennsylvania ACLU, called what happened to Parker "preposterous" and a violation of the Fourth Amendment, which protects people from unreasonable searches.

"I think they clearly crossed the line," he said, adding that no one had probable cause to examine her checks.

"None of this makes any sense except as a fishing expedition, which under the U.S. Constitution is not allowed. They can't rummage through her personal life. I'm not surprised this woman is outraged. She should be."



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