Saturday, December 10, 2011
The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was." St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow. The Saint's eyes open wide an d he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was
thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St. Peter "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with
twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...."
"Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.....but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure", Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first
name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song. . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . "
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run."
A man anticipating an angry confrontation with his estranged mother-in-law hit record on his iPhone, but captured more than a verbal dispute when the woman pulled out a gun and fired three times, striking him twice.Salvatore Miglino's iPhone captured the entire incident, helping police put 66-year-old Tamarac resident Cheryl Hepner behind bars for attempted premeditated murder.
Miglino arrived at the home of his wife's parents Wednesday just after 5 p.m. to pick up his three-year-old son per a court-ordered custody schedule, said Broward Sheriff's Office spokesperson Dani Moschella. Expecting Hepner to be combative as she met him in the yard with the child's pillow and bag, he hit record on his phone before stepping out of the car. The phone instead captured Hepner telling Miglino that his father-in-law wished to speak with him inside. When Miglino declined to enter the house, Moschella said, Hepner pulled a gun from behind her grandson's pillow and fired three shots at her son-in-law, hitting him twice in the ribcage and shoulder. Wounded, Miglino fell on top of Hepner in the yard, screaming, "I can't believe you did that! What are you, crazy? I can't believe you shot me!"
"Get the **** off me!" Hepner screamed, calling her son-in-law at least one choice name before he was transported to Broward General Hospital. Police say he was treated and released. In a classic he-said, she-said, Hepner told investigators that the incident began when Miglino tried to shoot her,
but she knocked the gun from his hand and shot him in self-defense. "Detective weren't able to hear the recording on the phone until Thursday because the phone needed to be charged," Moschella said. "Once it was charged, and they were able to review it, she was arrested."
Hepner, who police say had no prior criminal record, was charged with attempted murder in the first degree.
VIDEO: Chinese police officer Huang Teng indeed hangs ten as he clings to car hood in high-speed chase
An illegal taxi driver tried to escape with a police officer trapped on the engine hood of his car for five kilometers before he was detained Sunday in Chengdu of southwest China's Sichuan Province.
At 12:30 on Sunday, traffic police officer Wang Gang was on duty at a crossing when a gray Hyundai car was violating the traffic law at the intersection.
"I found him (the Hyundai car's driver) violating the traffic law when I was on the side road. I gave him a sign to to pull over," said Wang.
But the driver accelerated his car in an obvious attempt to escape, instead of pulling over. At that moment, Wang Gang found the car without license plate at its back. Amounted on his police motorcycle, Wang started to chase the illegal driver.
"When I was about to overtake his car, he suddenly turned his car rightward and ran into my motorcycle with his rear right door. As a result, I fell down on a flower terrace nearby," said the police officer.
The car was stopped by two traffic policemen on duty at another intersection. But the driver refused to get off his car for questioning. Instead, he restarted his car to push another officer backward and tried to speed away, with Huang Teng, the police officer trapped on the engine hood.
The car sped along the Renmin Road (S.), up to a speed of 150 kilometers per hour.
The car was not stopped until at another intersection, some five kilometers away. The crazy driver was detained and the injured police officer was brought down from the hood.
According to a later investigation by traffic police, Ma Jian, the 27-year-old driver was illegally operating the Hyundai car as a taxi, with a fake license plate. According to police record, Ma had violated traffic law 10 times between March and July this year. Ma Jian is under criminal detention.
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