Friday, December 16, 2011

JOKE: Why Jewish People Love Christmas

As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.
She called on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas Time?", she asked.
Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our Toys".

"Very nice Patrick", she said.

"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mum And Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late.We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings.
We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory.When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'. Then we all go to the Bahamas."

GOT CAPTION? 12/17 v. 3.0


JOKE: A man fell in love with a beautiful woman

A man fell in love with a beautiful woman and offered to take her away on a trip to Mexico. She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."

"That's all right; we'll get to know each other there."

She consented and within 24 hours, they were lying by the resort pool. He climbed the 10-meter board, executed a two-and-a-half tuck gainer, entering the water without a ripple. He followed that up with several more dives, all perfectly executed. As he lay back down beside her, she said, "You were incredible!"

"I was an Olympic diver," he replied. "See, I told you we'd learn about each other."

Then she jumped in the pool and started doing laps, back and forth, rapidly: freestyle, breaststroke, butterfly. After at least thirty laps, she climbed out and lay back down beside him, barely breathing hard. He said, "Incredible! Were you an Olympic distance swimmer?"

She said, "No, I was a hooker in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania and worked both sides of the Susquehanna River!"



GOT CAPTION? 12/17 v. 2.0


VIDEO: Aussie Cops Busted for Beating Joyriders

VIDEO footage has revealed the ferocity of a police attack on a hoon driver who did burnouts in front of a town cop shop.

The images, captured by a dashboard camera in a police car, show an officer kicking and bashing the driver with a baton.

David Bray, 32, and his passenger, Ryan Boyd, 19, left smoking rubber outside Mansfield police station on May 2.

A court hearing was told police later stopped them on a back road and said: "Do you think you run this town? We do."

Senior Constables Paul Bell and David Farrell are then alleged to have attacked the men.

One was kicked and hit with the baton and the other was punched and slapped.

Sen-Constable Bell, who is suspended without pay, was found guilty in Wangaratta Magistrates' Court yesterday of charges including intentionally causing injury and unlawful assault.

He was given a 12-month supervised community-based order and told to perform 60 hours of unpaid community service.

Farrell, who resigned from the police force in October, pleaded guilty last month to intentionally causing injury and was put on a 12-month community-based order, without conviction.

Sen-Constable Bell's solicitor, Bernie Balmer, said the officers had been frustrated at the road antics of the men they intercepted.

"People will be in two camps." he said.

"Some will say they got their right whack; some will say people can't be treated like that. Out of frustration, they've acted the way they have."

Mr Balmer said one of the officers had previously been shot at, and they had attended road deaths and suicides.

Victoria Police declined to comment because of the 28-day appeal period available to Sen-Constable Bell.

VIDEO: Teddy the Talking Porcupine is Back..Dressed for Christmas

VIDEO: What a Wonderful World with David Attenborough

VIDEO: Cat Scares Bulldog LMAO

VIDEO: Affectionate Camel


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