JOKE: Rindercella

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper. The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny! The end.

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VIDEO: WOW!! Rice Texas Tornado Yesterday

The dramatic moment a tornado ripped off a US school roof has been caught on camera by an official who was in a vehicle just metres away.

In the video, Eric Meyers, an emergency management coordinator, yelled out several times: "We are in the tornado! We are in the tornado!"

The storm injured at least four people, knocked 11 train cars off their tracks, and destroyed five homes in Rice, north-east Texas.

The tornado, with 125 mph winds, also pushed a truck onto a car and caused major damage to Rice Elementary School.

People did whatever they could to escape the storm - one couple even hid in the freezer of a restaurant.

Man collects 26 years of belly button lint

A librarian has won a place in the Guinness Book of World Records after collecting fluff from his belly button every day for 26 years.

Graham Barker has amassed 22.1 grams of lint since embarking upon his unusual hobby, reports the Daily Telegraph.

"One evening, when a little under-occupied, I noticed the lint in my navel and started wondering about it," he said.

"I became curious as to how much of it one person can produce, and decided the only way to find out was to collect it for a while and see."

Mr Barker, who color-codes his collection in jars, says thermal underwear produces the most lint.

The 45-year-old from Perth, Australia, has sold three jars to a museum for an undisclosed sum.

"The raw material is worthless but as a unique world record collection and a piece of cultural heritage, of debatable merit, it has some curiosity value," he said.

While most people have a positive reaction to his collection there is "a small minority - usually women" who find it unappealing.

Mr Barker said he was not the only navel fluff collectors in the world - but he was the only one who had gone the distance.

"One guy might have persisted, but he got married and his wife ordered him to stop," he added.

3000 King Cobras Escape..Town is Terrorized

Terrified householders had to abandon an entire town after 3,000 illegally bred king cobra eggs hatched out and gave their owner the slip.

The eggs - bred to supply the traditional health industry - had been stored in a cage in a house in Xianling, south west China.

But the newly hatched snakes escaped through a hole in their enclosure and took over the entire town.

"We don't really know how many survived but we caught 170 of them so we think a lot are still missing," said a police spokesman.

King cobras - which as adults can reach 18ft in length -are among the most deadly snakes in the world and can kill a man with a single bite.

Illegal breeder Cai Yong is now facing jail for breeding venomous snakes without a license.

'World's sexiest hacker' faces court

STARING alluringly into the camera with dazzling blue eyes and a rather daring outfit is the Russian student accused of a plot to defraud British and US banks of millions.

Kristina Svechinskaya, 21, has been dubbed the "world's sexiest computer hacker" after being charged with being part of a gang aiming to steal $223 million. Wearing leather boots and skin-tight jeans, she wept during a court appearance this week.

She was expected to appear in court again yesterday, charged with conspiracy to commit bank fraud and false use of passports.

If convicted, she could be jailed for up to 40 years.

Thirty-seven people have been accused in New York over the alleged Eastern European-based plan to use an internet virus to siphon money from the online accounts of small businesses and individuals.

Svechinskaya was one of four students at New York University said to have acted as "money mules" by opening hundreds of accounts.

Prosecutors claim she opened at least five bank accounts, which received $35,300 of the stolen money. British police also are investigating the fraud and arrested 11 Eastern Europeans in Essex last month.

They have been charged with fraud and money-laundering offences over bank thefts amounting to $9.6 million.

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