Saturday, May 28, 2011

JOKE: Play Ball

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Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox game.
Sitting in the first row with the Secret Service people directly behind them, one of
The Secret Service guys leans forward and says something to the president. Barack stares at the guy, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head violently.
The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request, from the owner of the team down to the bat boy. And...the fans would love it!"
So, Barack shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what the people want."
He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her pants, and drops her right over the wall into the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, and screaming -- and the crowd goes wild, cheering, applauding, and high-fiving.
Barack is bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says, "You were right, I would have never believed that!"
Then noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what is wrong.
The agent replies, "Sir, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!"

ty Larry

GOT CAPTION? 6/05

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GOT CAPTION? 5/30

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GOT CAPTION? 5/29

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Video: This is just INSANE !!!

VIDEO: Incredible Surfing Action

VIDEO: BALL BALANCING BUDGIE

VIDEO: Baby having a bath with the cat

VIDEO: Now this is how to get into a car!

PRANK: Good Night Mattress

Washing machine a casualty of in home target shooting

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ST. LUCIE COUNTY, Fla. - Officials are investigating a weekend incident in which a woman apparently fired an AR-15 rifle at a target inside her future ex-husband's master bedroom closet, missing the target and blasting holes in a washing machine.

When deputies on Sunday entered the home in the 5700 block of Spanish River Road, they found "a lot of water on the floor covering most of the residence," according to recently released St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office records.

The 21-year-old woman said she and her husband are divorcing. She said her 33-year-old spouse called on Saturday, asking whether they could "get together."

They had a "good evening," but started arguing on Sunday about reconciling. She said she told her husband she didn't want to get back together because she has a new boyfriend. She said her husband "went crazy" and started shooting indoors.

She said he was firing close to her and thought he was trying to scare her. She said blood on her legs came from "the bullets hitting the washing machine and the metal shards hitting her."

The woman, however, said she also was shooting with her husband.

Asked to write a sworn statement, she said, "I'll try my best but I'm drunk."

Investigators found .223 caliber and .45 caliber cartridge casings in the master bedroom and a wood and metal shooting target in the closet. Bullet holes riddled the washing machine, and bullet exit holes were spotted in the wall across from the washing machine.

A deputy learned they'd been in the bedroom shooting the target in the closet.

"They had done this on multiple occasions," a report states, noting both had been drinking.

The husband said he was cooking on the grill outside. His wife was inside, and he ran in when he heard shots.

"According to (the husband), once inside he observed water all over the floor and learned (his wife) had shot the AR-15 assault rifle, missing the target, going through the wall and striking the washing machine causing the water leak," a report states.

That, he said, is when he started arguing with his wife and told her to get out.

He said metal shards struck his wife while she shot the AR-15 alone.

It could be argued that firing a rifle within the confines of a bedroom is unwise.

One neighbor said he and his wife heard loud music coming from the home, but said that wasn't unusual. He said he heard five to six "'pops that sounded like gun shots in rapid succession,'" but suspected they were fireworks.

About 10 minutes later, the neighbor said, he saw the husband grilling in the driveway. The neighbor noted four to five more shots coming from in the house as the husband grilled. The husband raced inside and deputies soon showed up, apparently after the wife dialed 911.

As deputies watched the husband, he said, "About the arguing, she just grabbed the gun from the safe and started shooting and punching holes in the walls. The house then flooded so I went inside to clean it up."

Investigators spoke to a prosecutor and determined no charges would be filed at the time. The husband's three guns were taken from a safe and put into evidence for safekeeping.

The wife walked away, saying a ride was going to pick her up.

"Both parties were advised to stay away from each other," the report states.

It wasn't immediately clear what the husband was grilling.

Prison "computer error" lets 450 violent California felons walk free

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According to California prison inspectors, an ill-equipped computer system has allowed the release of 450 inmates who are considered to have a "high risk of violence." The mistake originated in a computer program designed to organize the release of low-risk prisoners parole-free, and keep the facilities from wasting time and taxpayer dollars on those who pose no threat to society.

Unfortunately the criteria the system was using when it determined the release dates for 10,134 inmates last year failed to take into account convictions and disciplinary actions for over half of the state's entire prison population. Using only arrest information, which on paper can make even the most violent criminal appear to be a minimal threat to society, the system ordered the parole-free release of violent felons, gang members, and rapists.

Prisons in the state are dangerously overcrowded, and a federal mandate has given officials 2 years to cut the inmate population by 33,000 individuals. The computer program at fault was meant to help with this process, but without accurate records, it won't do much good. Law enforcement has made no attempt to track down the erroneously freed felons at this time, and officials say that they can only be returned if they are caught committing a crime.

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