ESCAPING THE MONDAY BLUES: MANO NEGRA - KING OF BONGO

Cosmo�Tested~ Mother Approved

~ADORABLE~

"pssst I know how to bust you outta here"

Two year-old Evelyn-Marie Dewhurst, 2, of Reikorangi N.Z., and a 23 inch tall American Miniature Horse prove that the cutest things come in small packages.

Talking mapgie tops pecking order as cat befriends birds

THREE AMIGOS: Maggy the magpie, Pussy the cat and Yellow Bird the yellow bird - three unlikely friends - were reluctant to perform for the camera. The trio see nothing unusual in their friendship.

In the Garden of Eden the lion lay with the lamb, but in one garden in Waitara, New Zealand the magpie plays with the cat.

Adele Crofskey and Barney Smart's Princess St farmlet is home to goats, guinea fowl, pigs, sheep, ducks, cows and peacocks.

But the star of this menagerie is undoubtedly Maggy, the talking magpie who may or may not realise it is not a human and definitely does not realise her best mate, Pussy, is an instinctive bird eater.

"Go away. Go away," she squawked at Adele as she tried to coax her to play with the cat.

"She's grumpy because Barney picked her up down in the back paddock and brought her in here for a photo. She's sulking now.''

"Go away. Go away,'' the bird continued to whine.

The bird was found as a chick by Barney on one of his possum lines. Though of rough looking exterior, the long-time possum, deer and goat hunter couldn't leave a bird in need.

He brought her home and the pair hand-raised the bird for the past few years.

She now welcomes guests with the blunt "What do you want?'', has a colourful way of telling visitors where to park and frequently pretends to be a rooster.

"I don't think she knows she's a magpie'' Barney says.

Just as there are suspicions the cat, Pussy, doesn't know he is a cat. He has reportedly never tried to eat Maggy or the yellow bird, naturally called Yellow Bird, who is their frequent companion.

The trio play and sleep together but part for meal times.

"Well, Pussy's never been much of a hunter or he would have eaten Yellow Bird,'' Adele says, adding that the confused cat's usual diet is fresh rabbit meat, shot by Barney of course.

"We've always called Maggy 'Maggy' and Yellow Bird 'Yellow Bird'. I suppose we just never found a name that fit right for the cat so we always called her Pussy.

"I always wanted a cat that was called Calici, you know like the virus but we could never agree,'' Adele says.

JOKE: George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show

George Burns was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and bragged, that despite his 97 years, he could still have sex three times a night. After the show, Oprah said, "George, if I'm not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place.

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, George says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for a half hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand."

She says okay. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. George says, "Oprah, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand."

Oprah says,"Great, George, but tell me, does my holding your organs stimulate you while you're sleeping?"

George replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a black woman, she stole my wallet."

VIDEO: CROW AND CAT..BEST FRIENDS

DEAR ABBY: My Husband Spends a Lot of Time in Erotic Chat Rooms

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for many years. We have three happy, successful children and a good life together. I love him dearly.

I recently discovered that he had been spending a lot of time in erotic online chat rooms. He had hundreds of contacts he was speaking with regularly for pleasure. It had escalated to the point that he would have "conversations" with them on the phone or watch them on a webcam.

After I caught him, he promised to stop. I caught him again and threatened to leave him. He swore that he had never met any of these people and that he had used a fictitious name. He's now getting counseling and expects me to get beyond it. I am trying, but I feel betrayed. I feel as though he was unfaithful.

I am sure you have other readers out there who have experienced Internet infidelity. Do you consider it cheating if they never actually physically meet the people they talk to? I have no one to discuss this with and would appreciate some input. -- JUST PLAIN SAD IN MAINE

DEAR JUST PLAIN SAD: Yes, I do consider it a form of cheating. And it would be in your interest to get to the bottom of why this happened before you "get beyond it."

You're feeling sad because you were betrayed. And the fact that you have no one to discuss it with makes me sad. That's why I'm advising you that you could also benefit from counseling, and I recommend that you seek a referral right away.

JOKE: The Christmas Tree Angel

One particular Christmas season a long time ago,
Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was
coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found
that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the
boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on
his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?

Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

JOKE: The Pope and His Driver

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

VIDEO: Cool Plane..Multipurpose Amphibious Aircraft

The Beriev Be-200 Altair is a multipurpose amphibious aircraft designed by the Beriev Aircraft Company and manufactured by Irkut. Marketed as being designed for fire fighting, search and rescue, maritime patrol, cargo and passenger transportation, it has a capacity of 12 tonnes (12,000 litres) of water, or up to 72 passengers.^[1]

The name Altair was chosen after a competition amongst Beriev and Irkut staff in 2002/2003. The name Altair was chosen as it is not only the name of the alpha star in the Eagle constellation, but also because "Al" is the first part of the name of the A-40 amphibious aircraft Albatross, whose layout was the development basis for the creation of the Be-200, "ta" stands for Taganrog, and "ir" stands for Irkutsk.

VIDEO: Happy Elk Calf Plays in Puddle

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