JOKE: the Kid and the Farmer

A farmer was sitting on his front porch when the neighbor boy walked past holding his hands cupped tightly together. "Wha'cha got?" asked the farmer.

"Got me a bullfrog!" says the kid.

"Wha'cha gonna do with it?" asked the farmer.

"Gonna take it to town and trade it for a bull!"

"Fat chance," thought the farmer, but within an hour, the kid was back, leading a fine bull. The next day the kid walked by again, his hands cupped tightly together.

"Wha'cha got?" asked the farmer.

"Got me a horsefly!" says the kid.

"Wha'cha gonna do with it?" asked the farmer.

"Gonna take it to town and trade it for a horse!"

"Fat chance," thought the farmer, but within an hour, the kid was back, leading a fine stallion. The third day the kid walked by, his hands again cupped tightly together.

"Wha'cha got?" asked the farmer. "Got me some pussy willows!" he said. The farmer yelled into the farmhouse, "Martha, don't wait lunch. I gotta drive the neighbor kid !"

Exorcists wanted: apply to Catholic Church

Wanted: a few good men to cast out devils. Overwhelmed with requests for exorcists, U.S. Roman Catholic bishops are holding a special training workshop in Baltimore this weekend to teach clerics the esoteric rite.

The church has signed up 56 bishops and 66 priests for the two-day workshop that began on Friday, seeking to boost the small group of just five or six American exorcists that the church currently has on its books. "There's this small group of priests who say they get requests from all over the continental U.S.," Bishop Thomas Paprocki of Springfield, Illinois, was quoted as saying.

"Actually, each diocese should have its own" exorcist, he added. Paprocki did not say why there was increased demand for exorcisms, which he noted were rarely performed. While solemnly regarded by the Catholic Church, exorcism is a staple of Hollywood fright films - most notably the 1973 film "The Exorcist" - and regarded by many as superstition that lends a chill frisson to festivals like Halloween.

Catholic Church law stipulates that only properly trained priests can perform the rite - and then only with the permission of their bishops. Possible signs of demonic possession include scratching, cutting, biting of the skin; profound displays of strength; and a strong or violent reaction to holy water.

Get an AK-47 with your truck purchase at Florida dealership

Sanford truck dealership, Nations Trucks, is offering a free AK-47 with the purchase of a truck. General Sales Manager Nick Ginetta says, the weapon won't be sitting in the passenger seat or a gun rack when you sign the paperwork and get the keys, instead you get a voucher. "Now you take that voucher, you go down to Shoot Straight. You present the voucher. They will fill out all federal and state forms, and a background check. If you are eligible for that weapon, you'll be entitled to it."

Ginetta says if guns aren't your thing, you can have 400 bucks off the truck or vouchers for other stores. Will it work? "People are calling us, don't believe it. They want to come in and see it. We have some people that don't believe it. In fact, as I told them, listen; you can do this on your own. You don't need us." Already there's been a bite. Craig from Longwood heard about the deal and came on down. "I'm getting ready to buy a truck because I need it for pulling my race cars. I figured this is a beautiful selection. I come here and I'm getting a free gun!"

Ginetta said they're doing this as a salute to veterans, but maybe they should have asked a guy next door at the VFW hall. "Them guys next door that are giving away AK-47. I was shot 14 times by that rifle. It's a hell of a rifle. Kills a lot of people. They've got no business giving those rifles away."

A little research shows truck owners just happen to like the 2nd Amendment. The deal runs through the end of the month. Sanford Police Chief about it and he says as long as the rules of gun ownership are followed, they're not concerned about because legal gun owners rarely give them trouble. The only worry they had was that a crook might steal an AK 47 and use it in a crime.

JOKE: Old Lady Dogsitting

An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after and house her neighbors dog while the neighbors went on their trip. The only problem was that the spinster's own dog was a bitch that was in 'heat' and the neighbour's dog was a male. Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.

As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep the spinster was suddenly awakened by awful howling and moaning sounds from downstairs. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating. The dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage. Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next. Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet and after a few rings a rather grumpy voice of the vet answered the phone. The spinster explained the problem.

The vet said, "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them. I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."

"Oh," said the spinster, "Do you think that will work?"

"Well," the vet replied, "IT JUST WORKED ON ME!"

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Mountain lion trapped up tree by Jack Russell terrier

A mountain lion found it was no match for a Jack Russell terrier which trapped it up a tree on a farm in South Dakota. The dog's owner, Chad Strenge, heard frantic barking near the family's farm in Colman, Moody County.

He discovered the 150lb male lion, also known as a cougar, clinging to the top of a tree with 17lb terrier Jack at the bottom. Mr Strenge, helped by his dog, chased the mountain lion and shot it dead. "He trees cats all the time," Mr Strenge said. "I suppose he figured it was just a cat."

Professor Jonathan Jenks, an expert on cougar migration, said hunters usually needed two or three hounds to chase a lion up a tree. He said the cougar was probably not hungry enough to attack Jack. "It very well could have lost a territory and decided to take off from the Black Hills and head this way," he said.

Arden Petersen, of the South Dakota Game, Fish and Parks department, told said that no charges would be filed for shooting the animal. People in South Dakota have the right to kill mountain lions which they feel are a threat to themselves, their livestock or their pets. The lion was taken to South Dakota State University, where it will be studied.

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