JOKE: Walter was sittin' and rockin' on the front porch

A few years back, Walter was sittin' and rockin' on the front porch of the county nursing home when he saw a cloud of dust coming up the road. A farmer approached on his tractor, pulling a large wagon. "Good day!" hollered Walter.

"Afternoon," replied the farmer. "Where you headed?"

"Town."

"What've you got in that wagon?"

"Manure."

"Manure, eh? Whatcha gonna do with it?"

"Spread it over my strawberries," said the farmer, matter-of-factly.

"Well," said Walter, "you should come over here for lunch someday. They use whipped cream!"

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JOKE: an old Russian woman was riding on a bus

Years ago, an old Russian woman was riding on a bus so crowded that she had to stand, holding her heavy packages. Finally, someone got off and she grabbed the empty seat. "Thank God," she breathed with relief.
The man in the seat beside her said, "Excuse me, comrade, but we are an atheist society. You should say, 'Thank Stalin,' not 'Thank God.' "
"You're right, of course" she replied. "Thank Stalin." She was silent for a moment and then said, "Comrade, I've had a terrible thought. What will we say when Stalin dies?"
The man replied, "In that case, I think we'll all say 'Thank God!' "

JOKE: the Rorschach test

A psychiatrist, administering a Rorschach test, showed his patient the first ink blot and asked, "What do you see here?"

The patient replied, "A naked woman!"

He showed him another ink blot and asked, "What about this one?"

The patient replied again, "A naked woman!" And a third, and a fourth, fifth, and sixth ink blot, it was always the same: "A naked woman." The psychiatrist said, "Now I see your problem -- you're obsessed with sex!"

The patient replied, "Me?! You're the one with the dirty pictures!"

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JOKE: MAKING OUT AT THE BEACH

A recently widowed lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often" she asked?

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here" she asked?

"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life! As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know I wanted sex?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

Mercury 'turns' wetland birds gay

Mercury affects the behavior of white ibises by "turning them homosexual", with higher doses resulting in males being more likely to pair with males.

Scientists in Florida and Sri Lanka studied the effect of mercury in the birds' diet. Their aim was to find out why it reduced the ibises' breeding.

Mercury pollution can come from burning coal and waste, and run-off from mines.

The report, in Proceedings of the Royal Society B, shows that wetland birds are particularly badly affected by it.

Although the researchers already knew that eating mercury-contaminated food could affect an animal's development, they were surprised by the "strange" results of this experiment.

"We knew mercury could depress their testosterone (male sex hormone) levels," explained Dr Peter Frederick from the University of Florida, who led the study. "But we didn't expect this."

The team fed white ibises on food pellets that contained concentrations of mercury equivalent to those measured in the shrimp and crayfish that make up the birds' wetland diet.

The higher the dose of mercury in their food pellets, the more likely a male bird was to pair with another male.

Dr Frederick and his colleagues say the study shows that mercury could dramatically reduce the breeding rates of birds and possibly of other wildlife.

The exact mechanism that causes this change in behaviour is not yet fully understood.

But mercury is known to disrupt hormonal signalling, so it could have a direct impact on the sexual behavior that is mediated by those hormones.

Importantly, the males with the higher mercury doses performed far fewer courtship displays, so they were more likely to be "ignored" by females.

Males fed higher mercury doses performed fewer courtship displays

Wetland habitats, like the Florida Everglades that are home to these birds, are particularly vulnerable to mercury contamination.

Bacteria that live in the thick, oxygen-free sludge chemically alter the mercury, turning it into its most toxic form - methylated mercury.

And this chemical can act as a sort of biological impostor, mimicking hormones that act as the body's natural chemical signals.

Some of these signals are involved in reproductive behavior - they may stimulate an animal to carry out a courtship display or motivate it to mate.

"We're seeing very large reproductive effects at very low concentrations [of mercury]," said Dr Frederick. "So we really need to be paying more attention to this."

Doctors work to save 'Baby Klaus,' born with massive head due to excess fluid build-up

'Baby Klaus' has been diagnosed with hydrocephalus, a condition in which excess fluid builds up in the brain and can damage sensitive tissue.

Neurosurgeons at a hospital in San Antonio are fighting to save the life of an 11-month old baby born with a rare condition that caused his head to swell to more than twice the normal size.

"Baby Klaus," as his parents and local media are calling him, was born with hydrocephalus, a build-up of excess fluid in the brain that has caused his head to swell to more than 130% larger than a typical newborn's head.

After several doctors near their home in west Texas refused to operate or told them that their baby would die soon, the stricken baby's parents, who identified themselves as Klaus Sr. and Beatrice, found a hopeful savior in Dr. David Jimenez, the chairmen of the department of neurosurgery at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio.

Jimenez and his staff inserted a tube in the baby's head to drain the fluid and relieve the pressure, and the child's head is already about a foot smaller than it was when his parents brought him in about two weeks ago.

Still, doctors and hydrocephalus experts said Baby Klaus's had a particular severe case and that progress would be slow.

"It's like nothing that I've seen before," Jimenez said.

Known to doctors as "water on the brain," hydrocephalus occurs in about 1 out of 500 babies born and can cause brain damage, according to the Mayo Clinic's website. If left untreated, the condition can be fatal.

Baby Klaus's parents told local media in a news conference that they are praying for their son every day and hopeful that the fact that he has managed to live almost a year is a sign that he will survive. It is likely, though, that he faces extensive reconstructive surgery in the future, Jimenez said.

"What I can tell about my son is he's a great fighter," Klaus, Sr. said. "He's a warrior."

Lucky trucker's cliffhanger escape

A truck driver survived a real life cliffhanger when his overloaded rig balanced above a 400ft drop after its brakes failed.

Police say the truck - loaded with 40 tons of coal - was going too fast to make a turn onto the exit ramp leading from a mine in Qingzhen, south west China.

And after crashing through a safety barrier, the out of control truck was only saved when it ploughed through a pile of sand being used by builders.

"It was enough to slow it down. The driver had been convinced he was going to die and took a lot of persuading to climb out of his cab and back up the truck," said a police spokesman.