JOKE: Speech Impediment

Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, would you promise to answer me honestly?"

"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment," inquired the first fellow? "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"

"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"

GOT CAPTION? 10/18

GOT CAPTION? 10/18 v.2.0

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Remember Your First Date? Hope it Wasn't Anything Like This

First dates can be awkward, so it's good to find common interests, like long walks on the beach or petty crime.

Florida police arrested two teenagers last week for allegedly attempting a "dine-and-ditch" after the couple enjoyed their first date.

Authorities say that Devin Norling, 18, and Sydney Sanders, 19, were just finishing up their meal at the Indian River Mall T.G.I. Friday's when they began plotting to avoid the $25.16 bill, the TCPalm reports.

A restaurant manager explained that shortly after Sanders mentioned the couple was on their first outing, the pair attempted their first crime.

First, Sanders successfully made her way from the restaurant patio where the couple dined to the parking lot. Unfortunately for Norling, however, an alarm sounded after he attempted to leave through a fire exit, prompting a Friday's manager to corner Norling and insist that he pay for the meal. Instead, Norling fled again.

Authorities also say they discovered marijuana and a pipe in Sanders' purse.

Both teens face charges of obtaining food with intent to defraud. Police also charged Sanders with possession of drug paraphernalia.

JOKE: Bob has a pit bull

Bob's pit bull, Mace, had a bad habit of eating grass, so he mostly kept the animal inside. One day while Bob worked on his car, he lost a wrench in the lawn. That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate a lot of grass, revealing Bob's wrench. When Bob realized what had happened, he proclaimed to heaven, "A grazing Mace... how sweet the hound... that saved a wrench for me!"

GOT CAPTION? 10/17

GOT CAPTION? 10/17 v.2.0