JOKE: GETTING PAID FOR SEX

A man,new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city. Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he retires to a large and well-appointed suite, where he has some of the best sex of his life.

Satiated, the man asks the madam, "How much do I owe you?"

The madam motions for him to put away his money. She then pulls two hundred dollars out of a purse and gives it to him. She fends off all his attempts for an explanation.

Naturally, the man returns the following evening. He gets the same treatment, and is again given two hundred dollars.

The third night he does the same thing, but when he sees the madam she asks him for three hundred dollars. "Wait a minute," he says. "The first night you gave me two hundred dollars. The second night you gave two hundred dollars. Now you want me to pay you three hundred? Why?"

The madam smiles and says, "Tonight you weren't live on the Internet."

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JOKE: The Record Collector

A lady, who was an avid record collector, heard there was a new recording on the market so she dialed her local record store. In her haste, she mis-dialed the number and got a local bar. Before the bartender could say the establishment' s name, she blurted out: "do you have hot lips and seven kisses?"

After a short pause the bartender replied: "No, but I have hot balls and seven inches!"

She asked: "Is that a record?"

To which he replied: "No, but it's better than average!"

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VIDEO: The Religion Of Dudeism..The Church of the Latter-Day Dude

Dudes are recognised in a new religion which is going head to head with the Jedi church as the second Hollywood-inspired faith. Despite sounding like a joke, The Church of the Latter-Day Dude, is battling to become an officially-recognised faith based on the cult film The Big Lebowski. More than 100,000 members of the church have been ordained as 'Dudeist Priests', in theory giving them the authority to preside over weddings, funerals and other religious events. American, Oliver Benjamin, 43, started the world's first online religion in 2005 after watching the hit Coen brothers movie, starring Jeff Bridges as Jeff Lebowski, a surreal, ironic, dope-smoking 40-something character nicknamed 'the Dude'. Based in the Thai hippy city of Chiang Mai, 500 miles north of Bangkok, Oliver, who now calls himself the Dudely Lama, claims to have ordained over 120,000 Dudeist priests worldwide. Oliver, a graphic designer from California, travelled the world for ten years, first watched the film in 2000 and then set up a website (www.dudeism.com) in 2005. Oliver hopes that Dudeism will form congregations all over the world in the coming years.

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