JOKE: Did the Mailman Come Yet?

Tom comes home from work one afternoon and is stopped by his neighbor, "It may be none of my business, but this afternoon a strange man came to your house and your wife let him in. I was mowing grass between our houses and I happened to look in your window and I saw them making wild, passionate love."

Tom asked,"Was he short, about 5'8?"

"Yes, "the neighbor answers, "I believe he was."

"Did he have a droopy eye, and appear drunk," Tom asked?

"Yes," the neighbor agrees.

"Then that was the mailman, Jim," Tom responds. "That guy will screw anything."

VIDEO: Last man in Hawaiian volcano town gives up after 26 years

Thick black lava from the Kilauea Volcano has covered the last standing property in the town of Royal Gardens on the south eastern side of Hawaii's Big Island. Jack Thompson built his house on the island in 1983, but an eruption of lava threatened it shortly afterwards.

Fortunately, the flow stopped right behind it, sparing the house. However, the latest lava flow forced him from the building on March 2, before overcoming the property over the weekend. Returning to his former property, Thompson said he was amazed to see the scale of damage just one day after.

"It's like a funeral. You know there are trees here that I've grafted and all of them were producing. Doesn't look like any of them are going to survive. This is just going to be a big piece of rock. Unbelievable." Nearly 200 residents once lived in Royal Gardens but Thompson believes this community has run its course.

"I think it's about the end of it. I don't think anyone will be living up here anymore," he said. Large expanses of land have been buried by the lava over the past 26 years. A home in Royal Gardens was the first to be claimed by lava on the island, back in March 1983.

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JOKE: GETTING PAID FOR SEX

A man,new in town, goes to the best brothel in the city. Choosing the best looking girl in the place, he retires to a large and well-appointed suite, where he has some of the best sex of his life.

Satiated, the man asks the madam, "How much do I owe you?"

The madam motions for him to put away his money. She then pulls two hundred dollars out of a purse and gives it to him. She fends off all his attempts for an explanation.

Naturally, the man returns the following evening. He gets the same treatment, and is again given two hundred dollars.

The third night he does the same thing, but when he sees the madam she asks him for three hundred dollars. "Wait a minute," he says. "The first night you gave me two hundred dollars. The second night you gave two hundred dollars. Now you want me to pay you three hundred? Why?"

The madam smiles and says, "Tonight you weren't live on the Internet."

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