WASHINGTON—According to an incident report filed by the Secret Service,
special agents responded early Wednesday morning to a distress call from
Number One Observatory Circle and arrived to discover Vice President Joe
Biden chained to a bed, spread-eagle, with a pair of cutoff denim shorts
around his ankles. Though White House officials have refused to comment, the
report indicates that Biden told agents his wallet was missing and detailed its
contents as a lucky two-dollar bill, a Sizzler gift card, and a Federal Bikini
Inspector badge. After further questioning of the vice president, the Secret
Service advised local law enforcement to be on the lookout for a stolen white
1981 Trans Am driven by "this real feisty little firecracker.
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