JOKE: Crisco

As usual, Ted was standing in the bar bathroom again after too many beers when he happened to glance over and noticed the size of Vern's privates.

Ted said, "Vern, this may sound weird, but back in high school you weren't so huge. What happened?"

Vern replied, "Well, Ted, I learned something a while back. Every night I coat it with lard."

"Really?" said Ted, silently resolving to try this new secret. He stopped at a store, bought a can of Crisco, and rubbed himself with it every night for weeks. A few weeks later, he again bumped into Vern at the urinals.

Vern glanced down and cried, "Damn, Ted, what have you been doing to yourself?!"

Ted replied, "It's your fault! I followed your directions and rubbed it with Crisco like you said."

"Fool!" said Vern. "I said 'lard,' not 'shortening!' "