An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'
Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantel piece?'
'No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.'
'O'Halloran,' asked the pharmacist, 'did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?'
'It did surely,' replied O'Halloran, 'but it keeps fallin' off.'
The Doctor was puzzled 'I'm very sorry Mr O'Flaherty, but I can't diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink.'
'Don't worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober.', said O' Flaherty.
'Ah, that was a lovely dress,' announced Colleen, 'and it would have fitted me if I could have got into it, so it would.'
O'Gara was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.
After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, 'Not guilty.'
'That's grand,' shouted O'Gara, 'Does that mean I get to keep the money?'
Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."
'Faith now,' exclaims Reilly, 'I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.