Monday, September 26, 2011

JOKE: I Got Jewish Jokes

In a Brooklyn upscale pet shop Sarah Goldman, an elderly woman burst into the store. "I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a real good singer. I've got good, hard U.S. cash, but I'm only paying only for a good singer."  The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store. "Ma'am, I'm forty years in this business. In that cage is the best singer I've ever had ."  "Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a canary but it's got to be the best singer."  By this point the shop keeper was coming down from the ladder. "Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" Placing the cage on the counter, the bird burst into melody after melody.  Awed Mrs. Goldman murmured, "This bird is really a good singer." Suddenly in a shrill scream, "Hey, what's with you ? This bird's only got one leg."  The pet store owner was unperturbed, "Lady what do you want a singer ?  . . . or a dancer?"

Mrs. Yetta Rosenberg gets off the plane in Miami and, being tired from the flight, goes to the first hotel she sees in order to get a room. She walks up to the desk and tells the clerk, 'I'm Mrs. Yetta Rosenboig, and I desire a room for de night.'  The clerk looks disdainfully at her and coldly says, 'I'm sorry, madam, but our hotel is completely booked.'  Just then, a man with his suitcase in hand, drops his key and a check at the desk, and heads for the door.  'Oy, vot luck, says Mrs. Rosenberg. 'I can take his room.'  'I'm sorry, madam,' says the clerk, 'but I thought you understood my meaning. To be blunt, we do not cater to Jews.'  'Jews?' exclaims Mrs. Rosenberg. 'So, who's a Jew? I'm a Cat'lic.'  In obvious disbelief, the clerk asks her, 'If you're a Catholic, then answer this question: Who is the Son of G-d?'  'Dot's easy,' says Mrs. Rosenberg, 'Jesus Christ.'  The clerk, still not convinced, then asks, 'Who was Jesus' mother and father?'  'Mary and Joseph,' replies Mrs. Rosenberg , testily.  Then the clerk asks, 'And where was Jesus born?'  'In a manger in a barn,' answers Mrs. Rosenberg, becoming agitated.  'And why was Jesus born in a manger in a barn?' asks the clerk.  ''Cause a schmuck like you vouldn't rent a room to Jews!!!' 

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