a Joke for Saturday

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with. The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?" The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said, "the best we can do is 1/3 ownership in the store and $3000 a month in living expenses.

He Said..She Said

He said, She said
10. He said: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said: You wear briefs, don't you?
9. She said: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said: It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
8. He said: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said: Well, you succeeded.
7. He said: Two inches more, and I would be king'.
She said: Two inches less, and you'd be queen'
6. On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere."
Written just below it: "I do not."
5. He said: Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said: "That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
4. Priest: I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.
She said: Who's gonna look?
3. He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
2. He said: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
1. He said: Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said: I would but you're never there.

MY MOM SAID I COULD

Yeah...Friday!!

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.
After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''

a Joke for Friday

Late one Saturday night, a woman was awakened by her phone. "Hello." A breathless voice on the line rushed into a lengthy speech. "Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up but I had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home 'cause Daddy's car got a flat tire but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were in the movie. Please don't be mad, okay?" Since the woman didn't have a daughter, she knew it was a wrong number. "I'm sorry, dear, but you must have misdialed. I don't have a daughter." There was a long pause. "Gosh, Mom, I didn't think you'd be this mad!"

NO EGGSATURATION..THIS EGG IS ENORMOUS..

HONEYOYE FALLS, NY -- Chris Schauerman of Honeyoye Falls went into the chicken coop on his farm last week, when he found an ailing chicken lying there.
"I came up to the chicken and I nudged her," said Schauerman. "She was barely able to pick her head up before it fell back down to the ground."

That chicken, known as Roberta died later that night, but not before laying a massive egg.
"I just couldn't believe it," he said. "You open up the chicken coop and sitting inside the nest with five other eggs is just this behemoth."

The egg, called Little Roberta, was two and a half times the normal size of an egg, and weighed 138 grams, over a quarter of a pound.
"I was pretty excited when I saw it but also kind of sad because I knew the chicken put forth its last effort to give this egg," said Schauerman.
Schauerman says he doesn't have major plans for the egg, other than to cook it up in a giant omelet.

This Hawk Bit Off More Than He Can Chew

This is the moment a tiny but very angry kingbird hitched a piggyback ride on a red tail hawk.
The feisty little flyer began attacking the bird of prey after it ventured too near its nest.

Pat Gaines, 41, captured the moment at Bonny Lake park in Colorado.

'I've never seen a hawk harassed so much. The kingbird pecked at its head as the hawk flew away screaming,' she said.

THIS IS FUN

COOL VIDEO SHOT IN ONE TAKE BY SOMETHING LIKE 172 STUDENTS..THE SONG IS "I GOT A FEELING" BY BLACK EYED PEAS

OK GUYS..I FOUND HER..THE PERFECT WOMAN

the Joke for Thursday

3 Bulls
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years.Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking
point.
First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick.Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"