JOKE: "I want your meanest attack dog"

"I want your meanest attack dog," the man told the kennel owner. "I need to protect my business." "No problem," said the kennel owner, "I've got just the dog for you!" Soon they came upon a large snarling dog, biting and clawing at its cage. "This one?" asked the businessman. "Oh, he's not bad, but I have a better one in mind." Next they found a huge vicious dog that snarled at them and tried to bite through the wire of the cage. "Ah," said the man. "This is the one." "No," said the owner. "Keep walking." He led them to a medium-sized dog, lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He didn't even notice the men approach. "This one!" said the proud owner. The buyer was flabbergasted. "Are you kidding?! This is no attack dog. He's just lying there, licking his butt!" "Yeah, I know," said the owner. "But that's because he just ate a lawyer and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth!"

The Bangles Walk Like An Egyptian

Victim in Fatal Car Fire Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Meet Frankie the Feline.. Real Life Cat Burglar

A real-life cat burglar has left his owner feeling less than purr-fect - by swiping dozens of cuddly toys from nearby homes.
Frankie the tom cat has got his claws into 35 teddies and soft toys in the last year.
Owner Julie Bishop believes the two-year-old feline is sneaking into her neighbours' homes.
He drags each one of his finds through the catflap before depositing them on the same spot in the living room.

Julie, 52, said: 'Frankie looks very pleased with himself when he comes in with these presents.

'He's been going out of the house and coming back with all these toys for pretty much as long as he's been allowed out.
'They're all soft toys for cats I think. About 15 of them are all the same leopard. He doesn't really play with them. He dumps them down and goes out looking for something else.'
In the past year alone Frankie's haul has included teddy bears, leopards and a giant squeaky beefburger.
Now Julie has plastered her home town of Swindon UK with posters to try and trace the rightful owners.

Julie, who lives with her partner Gary Witts, 47, got Frankie from a Wiltshire farm in 2006.
She said: 'I'd be interested to find out what's happening when he goes out.
'Frankie is quite independent and comes in and out of the cat door all through the day and night.

'He's quite a friendly cat and likes to sleep on your shoulder, although he lets you know if he wants to be on his own.'
Two days ago Frankie stole two green witch's heads, which must have come from a recent Halloween party.

He has also swiped a range of old socks, nappy sacks, half-eaten beefburgers and chips - as well as the traditional dead mice and birds.

JOKE: Stumpy and Martha went to the fair

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, Martha, I think I really should try that. Martha replies, I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10. So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, Martha, I m 70 now, and I don t know if I ll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane. Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

The pilot pipes up, Excuse me folks, I couldn t help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I ll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I ll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each. Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn t make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff. Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!

JOKE: The Three Kick Rule

A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next two kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck, now it's my turn."

The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

the Oasis of the Seas

I've been trying to find better photos of this floating monstrosity but so far no luck. Royal Caribbean has controlled the photos it allows and the media has gotten most of them. Interestingly this ship almost didn't make it out to sea. The smokestacks on the ship had to be lowered just so it could pass under a bridge in Denmark and begin it's passage to it's home port in Fort Lauderdale Florida.

The Oasis of the Seas. Five times larger than the Titanic , the $1.5 billion ship has seven neighborhoods, an ice rink , a small golf course and a 750-seat outdoor amphitheater. It has 2,700 cabins and can accommodate 6,300 passengers and 2,100 crew members. It is a cruise ship in the fleet of Royal Caribbean International . At approximately twice the size of the RMS Queen Mary 2 , the ship replaces the Freedom-class cruise ships (also owned by Royal Caribbean) as the world's largest passenger vessel. [ 9 ] The ship was completed and turned over to Royal Caribbean on 28 October 2009. Two days later, it departed for its intended home port of Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States. While exiting the Baltic Sea, the vessel passed underneath the Great Belt Fixed Link, in Denmark on 1 November 2009 with less than 2 feet (0.6 m) of clearance. [ 10 ] Its maiden passenger-carrying voyage is expected to take place on 1 December 2009. The ship will operate year-round cruises to the Caribbean.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oasis_of_the_Seas

the Georgia Guidestones

I generally don't subscribe to conspiracy theories..as a matter of fact I try to avoid them. In recent times I've seen mentioned more than I care to admit such words as the New World Order and the Illuminati and I would prefer to not believe what people say about this. But when I learned about the Georgia Guidestones it became very hard for me to ignore many of the things that up to now I had been able to ignore. And the more I learn, the more nervous I become. As mentioned in these guide stones, a perfect world population would be 500 Million and not the nearly 6 Billion that now populate the planet. There are many knowledgeable people who are very worried given the current circumstances of the Swine Flu "epidemic" and what might occur.

______________________________________________________________________________

On one of the highest hilltops in Elbert County, Georgia stands a huge granite monument. Engraved in eight different languages on the four giant stones that support the common capstone are 10 Guides, or commandments. That monument is alternately referred to as The Georgia Guidestones, or the American Stonehenge. Though relatively unknown to most people, it is an important link to the Occult Hierarchy that dominates the world in which we live.

The origin of that strange monument is shrouded in mystery because no one knows the true identity of the man, or men, who commissioned its construction. All that is known for certain is that in June 1979, a well-dressed, articulate stranger visited the office of the Elberton Granite Finishing Company and announced that he wanted to build an edifice to transmit a message to mankind. He identified himself as R. C. Christian, but it soon became apparent that was not his real name. He said that he represented a group of men who wanted to offer direction to humanity, but to date, almost two decades later, no one knows who R. C. Christian really was, or the names of those he represented. Several things are apparent. The messages engraved on the Georgia Guidestones deal with four major fields: (1) Governance and the establishment of a world government, (2) Population and reproduction control, (3) The environment and man's relationship to nature, and (4) Spirituality.

In the public library in Elberton, I found a book written by the man who called himself R.C. Christian. I discovered that the monument he commissioned had been erected in recognition of Thomas Paine and the occult philosophy he espoused. Indeed, the Georgia Guidestones are used for occult ceremonies and mystic celebrations to this very day. Tragically, only one religious leader in the area had the courage to speak out against the American Stonehenge, and he has recently relocated his ministry.

THE MESSAGE OF THE GEORGIA GUIDESTONES

1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
2. Guide reproduction wisely - improving fitness and diversity.
3. Unite humanity with a living new language.
4. Rule passion - faith - tradition - and all things with tempered reason.
5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
9. Prize truth - beauty - love - seeking harmony with the infinite.
10.Be not a cancer on the earth - Leave room for nature - Leave room for nature.

Limiting the population of the earth to 500 million will require the extermination of nine-tenths of the world's people. The American Stonehenge's reference to establishing a world court foreshadows the current move to create an International Criminal Court and a world government. The Guidestones' emphasis on preserving nature anticipates the environmental movement of the 1990s, and the reference to "seeking harmony with the infinite" reflects the current effort to replace Judeo-Christian beliefs with a new spirituality.

The message of the American Stonehenge also foreshadowed the current drive for Sustainable Development. Any time you hear the phrase "Sustainable Development" used, you should substitute the term "socialism" to be able to understand what is intended. Later in this syllabus you will read the full text of the Earth Charter which was compiled under the direction of Mikhail Gorbachev and Maurice Strong. In that document you will find an emphasis on the same basic issues: control of reproduction, world governance, the importance of nature and the environment, and a new spirituality. The similarity between the ideas engraved on the Georgia Guidestones and those espoused in the Earth Charter reflect the common origins of both.

Yoko Ono, the widow of John Lennon, was recently quoted as referring to the American Stonehenge, saying:

"I want people to know about the stones ... We're headed toward a world where we might blow ourselves up and maybe the globe will not exist ... it's a nice time to reaffirm ourselves, knowing all the beautiful things that are in this country and the Georgia Stones symbolize that. " (1)

What is the true significance of the American Stonehenge, and why is its covert message important? Because it confirms the fact that there was a covert group intent on

(1) Dramatically reducing the population of the world.
(2) Promoting environmentalism.
(3) Establishing a world government.
(4) Promoting a new spirituality.

Certainly the group that commissioned the Georgia Guidestones is one of many similar groups working together toward a New World Order, a new world economic system, and a new world spirituality. Behind those groups, however, are dark spiritual forces. Without understanding the nature of those dark forces it is impossible to understand the unfolding of world events.

The fact that most Americans have never heard of the Georgia Guidestones or their message to humanity reflects the degree of control that exists today over what the American people think. We ignore that message at our peril.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_Guidestones

http://www.unfictional.com/joseph-moshe-mossad-bioweapon-swine-flu-vaccine-westwood

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2300385/posts?page=10

Gilligan's Island and the Seven Deadly Sins

Many of my generation have discovered (sometimes with the help of a certain herb) that the opening sequence of Wizard of Oz matches up with Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Co-incidence or happenstance? Who can say? Was Pink Floyd under the "influence" of Frank Baum?

Another strange co-incidence has come to light. The lyrics of Gilligan's Island perfectly match up with Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven."

Happenstance? Then riddle me this -- why does Gilligan's Island have exactly the same theme as Jean Paul Sarte's NO EXIT?

Consider:

Each one of the characters represents one of the 7 deadly sins:

- Ginger represents LUST - she wears skimpy outfits, is obsessed with her looks, and is a borderline nymphomaniac.

- Mary Ann represents ENVY - she is jealous of Ginger's beauty.

- The Professor represents PRIDE - he is an annoying know-it-all.

- Mr. Howell represents GREED - no explanation needed.

- Mrs. Howell represents SLOTH - she has never lifted a finger to help with their escape plans.

- The Skipper represents two sins: GLUTTONY - again, no explanation needed and ANGER - he violently hits Gilligan on each show.

- This leaves Gilligan. Gilligan is the person who put them there. He prevents them from leaving by foiling all of their escape plots. Also, it is HIS island. Therefore, Gilligan is SATAN.

JOKE: Refusing To Jump

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an aeroplane. The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news.

"So, did you jump?" the father asked.

"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the 'plane, and the Sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the 'plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.

"Um, not yet. Then the Sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the 'plane. I told the Sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be to get off the 'plane or he'd kick my a**."

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the 'plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go.

Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds.

He said to me, 'Boy, are you going to jump or not?' I said, 'No, Sir. I'm too scared.'

So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and exposed himself. He said, Boy, either you jump out of that door, or you and I are going to have some wild times".

"So, did you jump?" asked the father. "Well, a little, at first."