VIDEO: How Not to Mount an Elephant

JOKE: It was visitors day at the lunatic asylum

It was visitors day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria." And singing it beautifully. Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil. A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the choir.

"I am a retired choir director," he said.

"This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard,"

"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.

"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they called?"

"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor! They are the Moron Tapanapple Choir!!

ty Daryle

�� Got Caption ?? 10/12

VIDEO: Google's Secret DRIVERLESS Cars In Action

With little fanfare on Saturday night, Google revealed that it has been furtively testing and refining driverless cars on the streets of San Francisco and Los Angeles, clocking up an incredible 225,000 test-driving kilometres as they did so.

Google says its major motivation is road safety. But there could be another imperative at work. The tech industry needs a fresh market to address after TV, computers and cellphones - and the car is being seen as that "fourth screen". Make sure the driver has nothing to do, and you've got a willing subject who's able to interact with a raft of lucrative in-car apps and search tools.

Google Computer-Driven Prius from Ben Tseitlin on Vimeo.

Woman shares her joy of living with Beemer the red kangaroo

There are plenty of kangaroos in South Australia but not many of them like cider, playing footy, watching TV and sitting at the table for breakfast. But Beemer, the red kangaroo, does. Each morning he eats a plate of grass with a side of Vegemite toast watched by his adopted mum, Julianne "Julz" Bradley, in her Glendambo home in the Far North. He also loves dry cider but Julz - who saved him after a road accident 18 months ago - doesn't let him overindulge. Something he's allowed to do every day is to muck about with a football, his favourite pastime.

On Tuesday nights, Beemer has a nap after dinner and wakes up in time to watch his favourite TV show, Skippy, which is on very late. "He just stands there and watches it. He relates to it, he loves the theme music and dances to it," said Julz, 50, who lives alone. But Skippy isn't the only thing he likes to watch on TV. As well, Beemer loves donning a Coober Pedy Saints guernsey to watch St Kilda play every weekend during the footy season. Sometimes, he'll even wear a blue shirt for his own safety. "The National Parks and Wildlife told me to put a shirt on him so that the roo shooters know he's a pet," Julz said.

She said she always wanted a pet kangaroo but it was only when, 18 months ago, a woman brought little Beemer into the Glendambo service station that Julz manages that her dream was realised. The woman rescued Beemer from his mother's pouch after she was killed by a BMW motorcycle. The woman took the tiny joey in a jumper to the nearest service station where Beemer met his new mum, Julz.

Beemer is now hopping happily around Julz's backyard and in and out of the doggy door of her house - which he makes a bit bigger by kicking every now and then to accommodate his growing body. He shares the yard and house with Julz's other pets - Woolly the merino sheep, dogs Ned, Apples and Cider and Petie the cat. "Beemer wouldn't know if he's a kangaroo, a cat, a dog or a sheep," Julz said. He could easily jump the metre-high fence that surrounds the yard but it seems Beemer wants to stay. "I love him and he loves me," Julz said. "It would break my heart if he ran away but I don't think he will. He's just like part of the family, he's like my son."

�� Got Caption ?? 10/11

Car hits Palestinian boys who had been throwing rocks

Two stone-throwing Palestinian boys were injured after being hit by a car driven by a Jewish settler leader in East Jerusalem, officials have said. Imran Mansur, 11, broke his leg after being thrown into the air and bouncing off the car windscreen. Iyad Gheit, 10, had to have glass removed from his arm. David Be'eri said he accidentally hit them when trying to escape the assault.

The incident was photographed by journalists, who were in the area in case of unrest after Friday prayers. Silwan, just south of Jerusalem's Old City, has been the scene of regular clashes between hardline settlers and local Palestinians.

A Jerusalem police spokesman said: "We have opened an investigation into the driver of the vehicle and we will check all the footage." Mr Be'eri has been questioned by the police and released on bail. He is the local leader of Elad, a right-wing group that supports increased Jewish settlement in the Old City and occupied East Jerusalem.

Elad spokesman Udi Ragones said: "His car was surrounded with tens of people with rocks, when they started throwing them, and he hit them when he tried to flee from the area. It seems that they were lying in wait and the ambush was planned with rocks. It may have even been a lynch situation. He felt his life was in danger," he added.

Police responding to burglar alarm kill family dog then leave nice note on door

Mary Kate Hallock arrived at her Oakland hills home after running errands Tuesday and found a blue note fluttering on her front door. "Oakland police responded to your residence to investigate a burglar alarm," the handwritten note read. "While circling the rear perimeter, lab advanced on officers in a threatening manner before being shot and killed."

"Lab" was Gloria, an 11-year-old, arthritic yellow Labrador Hallock's family had owned since she was a puppy. Oakland police shot Gloria three times with a 40-caliber Glock handgun in the family's backyard while responding to a false burglar alarm at the property. The dog, police said, growled and barked at them.

"I probably read that note 10 times," Hallock, an Oakland preschool teacher, said Thursday. "I was incredulous. Gloria's never bit anyone. She's just a gentle old dog, a classic Lab, always wagging her tail."

Oakland police defended the shooting as a necessary action. "My heart goes out to the family," said police spokesman Jeff Thomason. "We never want to go into a situation where we hurt a family pet, but in the course of doing our job, sometimes we have to make split-second decisions."

Man bought skeleton for Halloween at yard sale discovers it is real

A Hillsborough County, Florida man thought he was buying a Halloween decoration when he spent $8 for a box of bones at a yard sale in Brandon. But when he and his wife got the box home, they realized it was an actual human skeleton. "I got looking at it and thought, gosh, this is the real thing," recalled Judith Fletcher, wife of Mitchell Fletcher, the retiree who bought the box of bones.

The couple called the Hillsborough County Sheriff's office. Detectives took the mystery bones to the medical examiner's office. Experts there determined it's a professionally prepared human anatomical skeleton, the kind used in college and university medical courses, like the example pictured here. They estimate it's worth more than $3,000.

"We did find a serial number on the femur," says sheriff's spokesperson Cristal Bermudez Nunez. She says detectives are contacting colleges and universities who may be missing a skeleton. The Fletchers can't remember the exact address where they attended the yard sale. They told deputies it was somewhere on Parsons Avenue in Brandon.

State law says individuals can't own human skeletons, so the Fletchers won't get their blockbuster find returned. "If I see any more, I'll report them to the sheriff's office," said Mitchell. "But I don't want them." The Fletchers say they will continue to search for deals at yard sales. "But, I don't know about anything that would be that spectacular," added Judith. "It's hard to top a human skeleton."

Man bites police dog

A West Haven man thought to be high on drugs is accused of biting a police dog and punching a police officer in the face. The incident happened in the area of 72 Elm Street in West Haven on Thursday at around 2:30am.

Police say Ofc. Scott Bloom was on patrol with his K-9 named Onyx when he spotted the suspect, Roderick Lewis, walking with his pants falling down. Lewis then removed his jacket and approached Ofc. Bloom and repeatedly yelled, "I need a bag of dust." Dust is street slang for angel dust or PCP.

That's when police say Lewis reached into his waistband. Ofc. Bloom grabbed his arm and Lewis told him, "You're not stronger than me" and punched the officer in his face. Onyx deployed himself from the police cruiser and tried to assist Ofc. Bloom. During the struggle Onyx yelped and Ofc. Bloom says he saw Lewis biting the dog on its right side.

Lewis was finally taken into custody and transported to Milford Hospital for treatment of his injuries and possible drug use. Ofc. Bloom and Onyx were also treated for minor injuries. Lewis has been charged with assault on a police officer, disorderly conduct and cruelty to animals.