
Saturday, June 12, 2010
JOKE: the Palm Reader

Nuns Busted For Marijuana in Uganda
Uganda police are investigating after a marijuana plantation was uncovered in the garden of a convent.
A regional police chief said that plants covering one acre had been found and uprooted in the southern Masaka district. Two nuns and two porters have been questioned.
One of the nuns has been quoted by local media as saying the marijuana was used to treat farm animals, such as pigs. Southern regional commander Emmanuel Muhuirwe said that only the porters had been arrested - not the nuns.
He said the nuns had been questioned because the garden was part of the convent. But he said no-one had been charged yet and the porters have been released on bail.
VIDEO: THE VERY BEST OF COPS
Friday, June 11, 2010
JOKE: CHINESE LAUNDRY PROBLEMS

Man stuck under furnace for days tried to amputate his own arm
Jonathan Metz was on the wet floor of his basement for two days, his left arm wedged under a furnace.
He was in and out of consciousness, but Metz, 31, knew what he had to do.
He had to cut his arm off.
Metz's arm was decaying from a lack of blood flow, going into a "gangrenous state," Dr. Scott Ellner, a trauma doctor at St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center, said Thursday. The infection couldn't be allowed to spread.
"It was the right thing to do," Ellner said. "This man saved his own life."
Ellner and another trauma doctor spoke during the press conference at St. Francis, where Metz was brought at 4:30 p.m. Wednesday. He had been trapped in his basement for nearly three days before a concerned friend summoned police.
Metz had almost succeeded in cutting off his left arm below the shoulder, Ellner said; his rescuers had to complete the amputation. Doctors were not able to reattach the limb. They hope he can be fitted with a prosthetic arm.
Metz wasn't well enough to talk to reporters Thursday, but he has been alert and talking since his arrival at the hospital, staff members said. He still needs surgery that will include skin grafts, said Ellner and Dr. David Shapiro, Ellner's partner on the trauma team.
Metz was trying to replace a part on his furnace when the accident happened Sunday. Ellner declined to speak in detail about his patient's ordeal, but said Metz was in a low position, close to the basement floor.
He was able to drink some of the water that had leaked out of the boiler onto the basement floor, Ellner said.
By the second day, Metz knew his left arm was in bad shape. It began to smell, he later mentioned to the doctor.
He managed to put a tourniquet around his arm, and using whatever tools were within reach, he started cutting. He managed to cut through most of his arm, except for some fat, Ellner said.
"He's a young, healthy guy," Ellner said. "His strength is just so inspiring." Ellner said he never saw anything like this in his more than 10 years as a doctor.
Said Shapiro, "It's inspiring to see someone take their life into their own hands, quite literally."
Metz's friend, Luca DiGregorio, is the person who brought rescuers to Metz's house on Taylor Road.
DiGregorio and Metz are on a softball team, but Metz hadn't shown up at Tuesday night's game. DiGregorio grew more concerned the next day, when a co-worker of Metz's sent him an e-mail saying Metz hadn't been at work.
DiGregorio drove to Metz's Taylor Road house Wednesday afternoon and saw Metz's car outside. He rang the doorbells and called Metz's phone number, but there was no response. And Metz's beagle, Portia, was "yipping at the back door," DiGregorio said. He called 911.
Police responded to Metz's house and found him, conscious, in the basement. They summoned firefighters, who spent about 25 minutes dismantling Metz's furnace, said West Hartford Fire Department Battalion Chief Matt Stuart.
Neighbors said they didn't hear any screams or see anything at the house during the week to cause concern.
That changed late Wednesday afternoon, when DiGregorio showed up at Metz's house and paced for about 15 minutes, neighbors said. A policeman rushed to his patrol car for a medical kit. Fire trucks arrived, one after another, and medics urgently told neighbors they needed as much ice as possible. The rescuers later washed their gear of what the neighbors assumed was blood, they said.
Metz left in an ambulance driven by another neighbor who is a paramedic.
Metz is a quiet bachelor who has lived in the neighborhood a few years, the neighbors said. His family lives in North Carolina.
He works a late shift at Travelers Insurance in Hartford Connecticut and sometimes is seen walking Portia late at night, a neighbor said.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
JOKE: 2 for 1 Friday
GREAT ATTITUDE
Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as
the evening progressed, he found himself more and more
attracted to her. After some really passionate
embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making
love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Jill
replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Jack was amazed.
"No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BABY LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM
A woman was walking along pushing her new born baby in its carriage when she was approached by an old friend.
The woman leaned over, peered into the pram and said, "What a beautiful baby boy! Little Jesse looks just like his father."
"I know," replied the woman, "I just wish he looked
more like my husband!"
~WHIRLED GNUS~
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