A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and crap like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.
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WOULD YOU FOR ONE MILLION?
A man walks up to a woman in a bar and says, "Excuse me, would you have sex with a man you didn't know for one million dollars?" She thinks about the proposition for a minute, and then replies, "Yes, I would sleep with a man I don't know for a million dollars."
The man then asks, "Would you sleep with me for fifty cents?" Insulted,the woman replies, "Of course not! How could you ask me such a thing?"
The man states, "Well, we've already established the fact that you're a whore. Now I'm just haggling over the price."
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WAYS TO SAY SOMEONE IS INTELLECTUALLY IMPAIRED
A few hairs short of a wig.
Three feathers short of being fluffy.
The dip stick doesn't reach the oil.
Sharp as a bubble.
Nice toy -- no batteries.
A few quacks short of a duck.
A few peas shy of having a casserole.
A couple trucks short of a convoy.
An experiment in artificial stupidity.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
Doesn't have all the dots on her dice.
Forgot to pay the brain bill.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a refund.
Couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses.
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