Groom accidentally kills three relatives at wedding

A groom accidentally killed three relatives at his wedding in Turkey when he fired into the air with an assault rifle in celebration, according to reports.

Eight other people were wounded at the incident at the village of Akcagoze in Turkey's southeastern province of Gaziantep.

The groom unleashed a series of rapid aerial shots with an AK-47 rifle to celebrate his nuptials, but quickly lost control of the weapon and accidentally shot his guests, the Anatolia news agency said.

His father and two of his aunts died in hospital.

The groom was arrested.

Turks are notorious for breaking out into gunshots to celebrate weddings and sports victories, a practice that has caused many deaths and which authorities have so far failed to curb.

GOT CAPTION 8/10

JOKE: A young fellow was about to be married

A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his 

grandfather about sex.  
He asked how often you should have it.  
His grandfather told him that when you first get married, 

you want it all the time..and maybe do it several times a day.  
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.  
Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.  
When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year.

maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "well how about you 

and grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well,"Grandpa said, "she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to 

bed in my bedroom.  
And she yells, 'fuck you', and I shout back, 'fuck you too.'

Flight Steward Say's F*** You,I'm Done..Exits Plane Via Emergency Chute

Police arrested a JetBlue flight attendant today at New York's John F. Kennedy International Airport after he got into a verbal altercation with a passenger and then fled the scene by sliding down the plane's emergency evacuation chute.

It all happened as the plane pulled into the gate at JFK after what had been a routine flight from Pittsburgh. But shortly after landing, a passenger stood up as the plane was taxiing to the gate and began removing his bags from the overhead bin. According to the Wall Street Journal's Sean Gardiner, the flight attendant, identified as Steven Slater, asked the passenger to return to his seat.

A "heated" exchange ensued, which culminated in Slater walking to the rear of the plane, where he grabbed the intercom. "To the passenger who called me a motherf***er, f*** you!" Slater yelled, passengers tell the New York Daily News. "I've been in the business 28 years. I've had it. That's it." He activated the emergency chute and slid away.

Slater then walked along the jetway into the terminal, where he took a shuttle to the employee parking lot. Observers watched as he ripped off his JetBlue tie and threw it to the ground. Slater got into his vehicle and drove to his home in Queens. According to the New York Times' Ray Rivera, he was arrested shortly afterward and faces charges of criminal mischief and trespassing.

Teenager sells virginity to save home

A Hungarian schoolgirl who auctioned off her virginity to a British businessman has called off the deal after he asked her to marry him.

The 17-year-old blonde - who started the sale to stop her mum's home being repossessed - says she is looking for a "saviour" not a husband.

The original sale was closed down by eBay, after the bidding had topped �100,000, but will reopen on Hungarian television this week.

The freckle-faced girl - who claims she has never had a boyfriend and lives in northern Hungary with her mother - explained: "I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

"It's just for one night. And I think it's actually quite romantic because the man who pays me this money will be helping to save my family from being homeless. He will be our saviour.

"I broke off with the British guy because he wanted to go too far. I'm not looking for a husband - I'm doing this for my family."

The girl launched the sale with a blog titled Miss Spring and was astonished by the response.

"I started to write a blog. But when hundreds and hundreds of men started to write emails and started a bid, I felt I couldn't hold the facts back from my mum any longer," she said.

"It is only the two of us living together as adults, and we both take care of my little brother, who is 20 months old.

"So keeping my secret felt unfair. I told my mum about the plan. She was shocked and begged me not to do it but how else will we raise the cash to save our home?

"Since the media frenzy started, a lot of people have called me a martyr or a slut. I am neither. I am just a girl who wants to have a better future, who wants to take care of her family."

Orphaned baby otter rescued and nursed back to health

An orphaned baby sea otter has been rescued and nursed back to health in Alaska.

Two-and-a-half-month-old Tazo was found in Homer, Alaska in June, severely dehydrated.

Staff at the Alaska SeaLife Center nursed Tazo back to health, under a rehabilitation programme authorised by the US Fish and Wildlife Service.

The pup gained more than 12 pounds under staff care.

Tazo has now been taken to his new home at the Wildlife Conservation Society's New York Aquarium where his will live out his days with two other adult otters.

Tazo could not be released back into the wild because he had become too dependent on humans.

God Bless You

GOT CAPTION 8/9

JOKE: Little Jimmy and The Builders

I'm Going To Be A Builder When I Grow Up

Did you hear about little Jimmy? He is four years old.

He was bugging his mother so she said, "Jimmy, why don't you go across

the street and watch the builders wrok. Maybe you'll learn

something."

Jimmy was gone about two hors. When he came home his mother asked him

what he learned.

Jimmy replied, "Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the son

of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the cock sucker back down.

Then you have to take a cunt hair off each side and put the Mother

fucker back up.

Jimmy's Mother said, "you wait till your dad comes home". When

Jimmy's dad got home, mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across

the street. Jimmy told his dad the whole story. Dad said, "Jimmy you

go outside and get a switch."

Jimmy replied, "Fuck you, that's the electricians job!"

I THINK I HAVE AN EEL UP MY BACKSIDE

A FISHMONGER nearly died after he slipped into a tank of hundreds of writhing live eels - and one shot straight up his backside.

Horrified Li Chang, 43, suffered severe internal injuries when he slipped into the tank at his warehouse in Guangzhou, southern China and the eel shot up his bottom.

He said: "I guess they were scared when I suddenly landed in the tank so they started wriggling everywhere.

"Several shot up my trouser leg. And then to my horror I felt one go up my bottom.

"I didn't say anything at first when I climbed out - I was too embarrassed. I dried myself off and tried to carry on working, but it was just too painful.

"I could feel it moving around. I hoped it would maybe come out again in the toilet but it didn't. I was in incredible agony"

Astonished medics carried out a five hour operation to remove the eel and repair the severe internal trauma caused by its thrashing about.

A hospital spokesman told the Austrian Times: "The eel had badly injured the patient. If he had not arrived when he did he would have died. We expect he will make a full recovery though.

"The eel was was as wide as two fingers and as long as a man's arm."

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/playlist/view/147459/I-think-I-have-an-ell-up-my-backside/