BLACKULA

JOKE: Jacob and the Lottery

A Jew called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray...........

"God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Jacob goes back to the synagogue............
"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".

Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!

Back to the synagogue................. .
"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and my children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself :

"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE....BUY A DAMNED TICKET".

JOKE: I'm Pastor Fuzz

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had to much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar!"
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded, "Hell then, if you're that far along, you might as well finish up."

A UFO CRASHED IN MY YARD !!!

A single small extraterrestrial succumbed in the crash. I have been beseiged by every federal agency known to exist. The CDC is being a huge pain in the Butt. The IRS is here taking inventory and assessing the potential value of this craft and how it affects me. The FBI have taken control and shooed away the local gendarmes but it seems everyone is fighting for position to see who controls this insane scenario. The mayor has taken this opportunity to thump his chest and stump for votes. Everyone is watching me like a hawk and this one photo is all that I've been able to get. In fact they've taken my camera and even examined my computer.One reporter even had the temerity to suggest that this space intruder was a relative. The utter gall of that guy!

The blasted media people are everywhere now and my once quiet life has been turned into utter chaos. Thoughts of a quiet Halloween have disappeared with all the big tv rigs parked in the street and the choppers constantly thwacking overhead.

More news as it becomes available. Cosmo out..