GOT CAPTION 8/9

JOKE: Little Jimmy and The Builders

I'm Going To Be A Builder When I Grow Up

Did you hear about little Jimmy? He is four years old.

He was bugging his mother so she said, "Jimmy, why don't you go across

the street and watch the builders wrok. Maybe you'll learn

something."

Jimmy was gone about two hors. When he came home his mother asked him

what he learned.

Jimmy replied, "Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the son

of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the cock sucker back down.

Then you have to take a cunt hair off each side and put the Mother

fucker back up.

Jimmy's Mother said, "you wait till your dad comes home". When

Jimmy's dad got home, mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across

the street. Jimmy told his dad the whole story. Dad said, "Jimmy you

go outside and get a switch."

Jimmy replied, "Fuck you, that's the electricians job!"

I THINK I HAVE AN EEL UP MY BACKSIDE

A FISHMONGER nearly died after he slipped into a tank of hundreds of writhing live eels - and one shot straight up his backside.

Horrified Li Chang, 43, suffered severe internal injuries when he slipped into the tank at his warehouse in Guangzhou, southern China and the eel shot up his bottom.

He said: "I guess they were scared when I suddenly landed in the tank so they started wriggling everywhere.

"Several shot up my trouser leg. And then to my horror I felt one go up my bottom.

"I didn't say anything at first when I climbed out - I was too embarrassed. I dried myself off and tried to carry on working, but it was just too painful.

"I could feel it moving around. I hoped it would maybe come out again in the toilet but it didn't. I was in incredible agony"

Astonished medics carried out a five hour operation to remove the eel and repair the severe internal trauma caused by its thrashing about.

A hospital spokesman told the Austrian Times: "The eel had badly injured the patient. If he had not arrived when he did he would have died. We expect he will make a full recovery though.

"The eel was was as wide as two fingers and as long as a man's arm."

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/playlist/view/147459/I-think-I-have-an-ell-up-my-backside/

Goat Attack

Shark! Shark! Shark!

Funny Photos After Gay Marriage Law Was Overturned

Proposition 8 was overturned when a federal judge declared the ban on gay marriages "unconstitutional." There are some folks who are not so pleased about it. To celebrate the death of Prop. 8, here are some photos of anti-gay protesters being counter-protested with hilarious signs. While the protesters used a lot of fiery language and big, bright signs, the counter-protesters used irony, wit, and some strategic standing to show how silly the anti-gay protesters were. Looks like it worked!

GOT CAPTION? 8/8

JOKE: The Pope was finishing his sermon.

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti homini" - Blessed be mankind. A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that he had blessed all of mankind, but not womankind.

So the next day, after his sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind and womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said they had noticed that he had blessed mankind and womankind and asked if he could also bless those who are gay. The Pope said, "OK."
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini, et tuti fruiti."