JOKE: the Traveling Salesman and the Farmer's Daughter

One moonless night, way out in the boondocks, a traveling salesman wrecked his car. Badly battered and losing blood, he managed to crawl out of the wreckage, lifted himself to his elbows, and spotted a light in the distance. He vows to crawl toward what may be his only hope. Inch by agonizing inch, he crawled, every pebble and twig digging into his broken body. Hours later, he barely made it up the two steps to the farmhouse porch. Unable to stand, he banged his fist against the door. The farmer opened the door and nearly closed it again because he saw no one. "Down here," croaked the salesman. "I missed the curve. Wrecked my car. Need help bad." "You ain't one o' them traveling salesmen, are ya?" asked the farmer. "Yes, I am." The grizzled old man said, "Well, ya can spend the night here but I gotta warn ya: I ain't got no daughters!" There was a long pause and then the salesman asked, "So how far's the next farm?"

'My face might fall off but I'll keep having plastic surgery"

His face is ravaged from the disastrous plastic surgery he's had over the years - but Pete Burns insists he will never stop going under the knife in a bid to fix his features.

The singer has revealed that he's had yet another facelift, despite previous procedures maiming him to an extent he thought his face would 'fall off' and he'd have to have his lips amputated.

Pete has admitted that recent pictures showing him with a swollen face as he sat in the front row of a fashion row were because of a further surgical procedure.

'Getting a new face is like buying a sofa': Pete Burns says he'll go under the knife again in another couple of years

But talking to this week's Reveal magazine, he confessed: 'My most recent overhaul was about a month ago. I had a minor facelift and my eyes slanted.

'I also have regular peels and Botox. I't something I'll always do. People redecorate their homes every few years and I see this as no different. Changing my face is like buying a new sofa.'

Pete, 51, won �450,000 in damages last year from cosmetic surgeon Dr Maurizio Viel, who the singer claims left him 'suicidal' after his lip implant operations went wrong.

'I get bored with how I look': The singer says he'll continue to go under the knife despite numerous botched operations

However, he's now removed most of them.

He explained: 'I had piercings all over my face, which did look dreadful, but I got them done while waiting for my hisband Michael to get a tattoo. I was bored.'

The Liverpudlian said he had his first surgery - a nose job - in the 1980s after the money started rolling in from hits like You Spin Me Round with his band Dead Or Alive

Day out: Burns went out for a coffee on the Kings Road with husband Michael

But he said even that went wrong and his nose was so crooked he could no longer wear sunglasses.

However, he said it didn't put him off and he went on to have an implant in his top lip, then filler injections.

But in 2004 an infection set in, which saw his lips swell to 18 inches.

This week's Reveal magazine, out now

The star - who appeared on Celebrity Big Brother in 2006 - continues: 'My doctor punctured it and the yellow dishcarge that came out filled two mugs. I was put on antibiotics but my whole face began to swell.

'I was housebound for nine months and couldn't move my head - discharge would pour out.'

He finally found a corrective surgeon who said he could help.

Pete continued: 'One told told me that my lips were so bad they would need amputating. It was terrifying.'

However, he said he would continue to go under the knife and insisted: 'I don't feel like I'm addicted to surgery.

'I could leave it alone for long periods of time if I wanted...I'll wait another couple of years before my next overhaul...my face might fall off!'

Burns, who was married to stylist Lynne Corlett until 2006, married partner Michael Simpson in a civil partnership in 2007.

Popstar: Pete at the height of his fame in the 1980s with Dead Or Alive

The Charlie Sheen is Too Damn High Party

The Charlie Sheen is Too Damn High Party from Jimmy McMillan

Woman tries to sell 12-week-old grandson for $30,000

Authorities arrested a Holly Hill woman on Friday on charges that she tried to sell her 12-week-old grandson. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement arrested 45-year-old Patty Bigbee, of Holly Hill, on Friday. Investigators said they arrested her at about 4 p.m., when she met with a buyer in Daytona Beach.

Deputies announced later that they'd arrested a second person connection with the case. Lawrence Works, 42, of Holly Hill, was charged with being a principal to the illegal sale or surrender of a child. It's unclear what his connection is to Bigbee or the child.

The FDLE said the investigation began in October, when they said Bigbee approached an unidentified "third party," offering to sell the baby for $75,000. Investigators say the buyer talked down the price of the infant to $30,000, which Bigbee agreed to accept. FDLE agents said they arrested Bigbee at the scene of the would-be transaction, turning the infant over to the Department of Children and Families.

Officials said the baby's mother is currently incarcerated on unrelated charges. Bigbee was booked into Volusia County Jail on charges of illegal sale or surrender of a child and communication fraud. The FDLE said its investigation is ongoing. Officials described the buyer as a "confidential source." A Department of Children and Families spokesman said the baby showed no outward signs of neglect or abuse and is "doing well."