JOKE: Farmer John was in trouble

Farmer John was in trouble. A neighbor saw him "enjoying himself" with one of his sheep and reported him. He was charged with bestiality. Worried, Farmer John started looking for a lawyer. He asked his barber, who replied, "There's two: Brown is sharper, but expensive; Smith ain't so bright, but he sure can pick a jury. And, he's cheap."

Farmer John hired Smith. Came the day of the trial, the whole town packed the courtroom. John was worried, despite Smith's reassurances that all was taken care of. The prosecution's star witness started off with, "I saw Farmer John abusing that poor animal with my own two eyes. And when he was through, danged if that sheep didn't turn around and lick him !" John thought, "That's it. I'm dead." But then he noticed the jury foreman whispering to the other jurors, who nodded in agreement, "A good sheep'll do that!"

GOT CAPTION? 8/25

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JOKE: the Talking Clock

After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

'What's that big brass gong?' one of the guests asked.

'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk replied.

'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend.

'YUP, it is' replied the drunk.

'How's it work?' the friend asked, squinting at it.
'Watch,' the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. .

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You ASSHOLE! It's THREE-FIFTEEN in the MORNING!

GOT CAPTION? 8/24