I like to post videos,crazy news items and jokes..if I make you laugh,I am rewarded in knowing that I made your day better...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
JOKE: Tom got in a terrible fight with his wife
Tom got in a terrible fight with his wife, which she ended with, "You're homely, weak, and not man enough to satisfy me!"
Tom stomped out of the house, steaming mad. At the edge of town, he spied something in the grass -- an old lamp. He rubbed it and, sure enough, out popped a genie, who made him the standard three-wish deal. With his wife's words ringing in his ears, he responded, "Make me look like George Clooney with the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger and..." he pointed to a horse in a nearby field... "and make me hung like that horse."
The genie said, "As you wish, sire," chuckled, and vanished, back into the lamp. Tom headed happily for home and knocked on the locked front door. His wife peeked through the peephole and saw the face of George Clooney! She flung open the door and saw the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger! Tom swept her off her feet and carried her up to the bedroom. It was as if her dreams had come true! As Tom removed his clothes, he continued, "Oh, honey, wait until you see what else I have for you!" But when he felt his crotch, he cried, "Oh, shit! That horse was a mare!"
Korean CNG Bus Explosion Caught On Camera
A compressed natural gas-powered bus exploded Monday and injured 17 while waiting at a traffic light in Seoul, South Korea. The CNG tank ruptured, tearing the bus apart and shattering nearby windows. The whole incident was captured on video above.
The catastrophic failure resulted in 17 injuries to riders and pedestrians, one of which was serious and resulted in a 28-year-old woman requiring immediate surgery to both ankles. Seoul's bus fleet is comprises of approximately 95% CNG buses and as a result the government's launched an immediate investigation into the safety of the fuel tanks.
If the failure mode is determined to be a defect in the tank, all buses manufactured in the same year will be recalled and possibly others if their tanks are considered suspect. One thing's for sure though, we're betting Seoul's bus ridership drops just a little bit until they get things figured out
VIDEO: woman miraculously survives being struck by car
A 44-year-old Brazilian woman has survived after being hit by a car and tossed in the air.
Rosalina de Jesus was arriving home from work when a car travelling at high-speeds lost control and slammed into her.
Security camera footage from a nearby shop showed Jesus being thrown some 60 feet in the air and landing in the middle of a street in the northern city of Belem, in Para state.
The driver stopped to help the victim, who survived with only mild injuries in her arm and collarbone.
100 drunken Canadian women brawl over male stripper
Police want to talk to the management of Nanaimo's Cavallotti Lodge,Alberta following a drunken melee that erupted at the East Wellington Road hall on Friday night, featuring more than 100 women and a male stripper. Nanaimo RCMP spokesman Const. Gary O'Brien said officers responded to a call of an assault at the hall at around 10:50 p.m., only to find "between 100 and 150 drunk women" on the premises, watching an exotic dancer as part of a fundraiser for the lodge. "My understanding is that a big brawl broke out among a number of drunken women who were watching a male stripper event there," said O'Brien. Police arrested five people they believed were involved in the incident but are not recommending charges to Crown counsel.
"They were drunk, it was an alcohol-fuelled incident and there was no real victim," said O'Brien. "However, we will be following up with Cavallotti because their patrons were extremely intoxicated and we need to warn them about the dangers of over-serving liquor." Two of the women were kept in the cells at the RCMP detachment until they "sobered up," said O'Brien. A witness to Friday's escapades who did not want to be identified said one woman stood on her chair to watch the male exotic dancer, who was dressed up as a police officer before he started to remove his clothing.
The women behind her took exception because their view of the stripper was obstructed. At least four police cars responded to the assault. "I couldn't believe that many police officers were there," said the witness. "It was police overkill." O'Brien said the incident has been documented and police know the names of all the women who were involved. "I guess one woman assaulted another woman who was blocking her view and then all hell broke loose," he said. The woman whose view of the stripper was blocked asked the woman standing on the chair to sit down and the latter took a swing at her, said the witness.
"She really scratched her on her face." The person who initially called in the complaint told police that not only was she assaulted but her mother and sister were also assaulted. O'Brien said police arrested the five people because they caused a disturbance. "There was no real victim here as far as we can tell and everybody was so drunk, it's difficult to determine what really took place and that's why we don't expect charges resulting from this," he said.
Charlie the Smoking Chimp' dies from old age
A chimpanzee which became addicted to smoking cigarettes has died from old age having managed to live at least 10 years longer than most chimps. 'Charlie the Smoking Chimp' was famous for his habit, picked up from visitors to his South African zoo, of smoking lit cigarettes.
But the zoo announced that the ape had finally died, aged 52. Most chimpanzees live to around 40. Qondile Khedama, a spokesman for Mangaung Zoo, said Charlie was only an 'occasional smoker', but had none the less become famous around the world for the habit. She explained that although the zoo discouraged the practice, the ape obtained cigarettes from visitors who would throw lit cigarettes to him through his bars.
Charlie in happier times.
Ms Khedama explained that Charlie had recently been receiving special care, including a special diet of protein shakes and vitamin and mineral supplements. Ms Khedama said she did not know whether the ape's bad smoking habit contributed to his demise and that post mortem to determine the exact cause of death would take place soon.
The chimpanzee had learnt that he was not supposed to smoke, so he would try and hide the habit from his zookeepers. Charlie is thought to have picked up the smoking habit when he worked in an American circus. It has been speculated that he was taught the trick to entertain circus-goers.
Michael Jackson scarecrows get birds to beat it
A Michael Jackson fan from Taiwan creates scarecrows in memory of the King of Pop. Michael Jackson has been immortalized in photographs, figurines, wax sculptures, and now - scarecrows. A Taiwanese salesman has created scarecrows resembling the King of Pop to chase away birds in his parents' fields in central Taiwan's Changhua County.
He came upon the idea with a hint of humour, in reference to one of Michael Jackson's trademark moves. "During harvest, my dad would go to the fields every day to chase away the birds. And I thought, since Michael is good at 'grabbing his bird,' I'd invite Michael to grab birds in our fields," Lee Ping-hsing said.
Lee, who likes to imitate Jackson's style of dancing, said he was inspired by his idol to create his artworks. He uses a wooden skeleton for the body, and a sponge for the face, then dresses up the scarecrow with Michael Jackson-style costumes, including the famous white sequined glove. To make each scarecrow unique, the 30-year-old milk powder salesman poses his scarecrows to resemble the music icon's signature moves, as in "Thriller" for example.
Some of Lee's family do not approve of the macabre scarecrows. "I was yelled at by my grandpa. He said his spirit could come back and haunt us, but I think it would be nice if Michael could come over," Lee said. Lee has already completed two Jackson scarecrows, and is currently working on a third one. He also painted an image of his idol on the wall of his house.
Judge sends lawyer to jail for refusing to say Pledge of Allegiance
TUPELO - Danny Lampley's clients usually are the ones ordered to the Lee County Jail.
Wednesday, Chancellor Talmadge Littlejohn sent the 49-year-old Oxford attorney there for refusing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in court.
Littlejohn urged Lampley to reconsider repeating the Pledge, as every other person in the judge's courtroom did as the day's proceedings began.
"This morning, that was the last thing on my mind," Lampley said late in the day after a child-support hearing.
At 10 a.m., Lampley was in jail garb. By 2:30 p.m., Littlejohn ordered his release and return to the Lee County Justice Center to continue their business.
After the hearing, Littlejohn's assistant said the judge had no comment on the matter.
Lampley said he was worried the judge would send him back to jail.
Simply put, the attorney said he and the judge have a "different point of view" about things, like loyalty oaths and the pledge.
"I have a lot of respect for him," Lampley said, "I'm just not going to back off on this.
"It's a problem, but it's for the judge and me to work out."
Wednesday's incident wasn't the first time Lampley had crossed the judge. Lampley said he was reprimanded by Littlejohn in June in a Corinth proceeding.
"I don't have to say it because I'm an American," he said about the 31-word pledge. "I hope he's not too angry with me."
David Hudson Jr., a scholar at the First Amendment Center at Vanderbilt University, said forcing Lampley to repeat the pledge is clearly a violation of his free-speech rights.
"I've never heard of a judge jailing a lawyer over this," he said Wednesday.
Lampley is no stranger to controversy. Years ago, he represented a Pontotoc woman who objected to student-led intercom prayer and Bible history classes taught at North Pontotoc Attendance Center. U.S. District Judge Neal Biggers agreed the activities were unconstitutional.
JOKE: The Proctologist
Proctologist; from the Greek meaning "pain in the ass."
Did you ever wonder who was the first proctologist? My research shows it was Dr. Ben Dover, who was fed up with mainstream medicine and wanted to boldly go where no one had gone before, "I think I'll devote my life to making people as uncomfortable as possible... since dentistry is taken, I'll start at the other end."
Have you ever gone to a party and been introduced to a doctor. After a hardy handshake, you discover he's a proctologist. Even wash-ing your hands 6 times, you still find yourself only eating with your left hand. He is the one doctor you never ask for free advice, "Doc, I've got this thing right here, can you take a look at it? But he's one person who's seen more assholes than you'd find at a political convention.
Throughout the ages, proctologists have been the butt of many jokes; butt I would not stoop to that level here. I have given a considerable number of minutes to formulating ideas to improve people's concept of these doctors of the down under.
> In order for a proctologist to receive their medical certification, their hand must fit in a size one glove, and they must have their fingernails removed.
> The proctologist's genitals shall literally be placed in the hands of the patient. At the first sign of discomfort, the patient may exert an equal pressure producing a similar discomfort.
> Proctologist's advertising shall NOT include phrases like:
"Let our fingers do the walking."
"We'll bend over backwards for you."
"Please, take my seat."
"We give 'Moon over Miami' a hole new meaning."
"It looks like the End."
> Doctors will not be allowed to use wise cracks or ice breakers like:
"I can't place my finger on it, butt you look familiar."
"Don't have a seat, I'll be right with you."
"Quick, nurse! Get the camera! They'll never believe THIS one!"
"Yes, I see a family resemblance."
"Hmmmm, looks like you're a quart low."
"The first three feet might be a bit uncomfortable; after that..."
"Out of K-Y Jelly? Oh well, let's do a dry run."
"I'm putting you on a low-bean diet."
"Nurse, give me a number 2 sandpaper glove."
"How long have you had this crack in your butt?"
"I see you had pizza last night."
"When was the last time you had a lube and oil change?"
"Ah, you must be gay."
"Nurse, come here. Ya want to feel something really weird?"
"Ooops, I think I lost my watch."
"I've never seen stalagmites growing in one before!!"
"If you think that was a pain in the ass, wait till you get my bill."
"Gee, I hope I can get this out."
"When was the last time you had your barnacles scraped?"
"Nurse! Who let this asshole in my office?"
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