►WHIRLED GNUS◄: Dec 28, 2009

Monday, December 28, 2009

SPOKANE -- An angry church member caused a lot of destruction at a North Spokane Church early Tuesday morning.

The Spokane County Sheriff's Department says the dispute was over a $70 electric repair bill. That bill apparently sparked a tirade overnight.

The suspect, Mark Heitman, allegedly used his truck to ram the Country Crossroads Christian Church at 7011 North Altamont. That was his last stop, but before doing that, he went on a rampage at the church pastor's home.

That pastor, Dan Eubank, told us Heitman went to his home first and broke out windows in his truck before heading to the church.

Eubank said that he believes Heitman was upset over repair work he had done for the church.

"He'd done work on the church and we paid him with a check not cash, I didn't have cash and he got mad," said Eubank.

Heitman rammed the church building several times with his truck, apparently trying to get in. When he did break in, he reportedly broke nearly every window, television and computer screen, and most of the lighting fixtures. He also allegedly smashed the church instruments, and even crushed the toilets. Damages are estimated at tens of thousands of dollars.

Sheriff's deputies say they found Heitman at Auto Masters on North Nevada. A friend working at the shop said Heitman was crying and felt terrible for what he'd done to the church, and that he was planning on turning himself in.

Country Crossroads Christian Church has a congregation of about 120 people and has been serving the community for over 15 years. Pastor Eubank is waiting on the insurance to assess the situation to get his church up and running again.

Heitman is being charged with second degree burglary and malicious mischief.

JOKE: "Wash. Biol. Surv."

The inscription on the metal bands used by the United States Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.

The small metal bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, which was abbreviated: "Wash. Biol. Surv." until recently when the agency received a letter from an Arkansas outdoorsman.

The letter read: "Dear sirs, While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag, and I want to tell you, it was horrible."

The bands are now marked "Fish and Wildlife Service."

JOKE: A hunter was out enjoying a nice morning

A hunter was out enjoying a nice morning in the woods when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged ... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Chicago Symphony. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eyes!"