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JOKE: Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for 6 days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the 7th day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, see what I've made?" Archangel Michael looked puzzled and asked, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I am going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I have placed a continent of white people and over there, a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid, while this one will be bitterly cold and covered with ice," God explained. The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a place..."What's that?" "Ah," said God. "That's Minnesota, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite shoreline along the Great Lakes. The people from Minnesota are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous. They are going to travel the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working, and high achieving, and they will be known around the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I am also going to give them an undefeatable football team who will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about Balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!" God replied, "Wait 'til you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them in Wisconsin!"

GOT CAPTION? 8/22

NOW THIS IS A BIG BABY!

Chinese baby weighs as much as six-year-old

A ten-month-old Chinese boy has been nicknamed the 'Michelin Baby' after weighing in at an incredible 20kg (44 lbs) the average weight of a six-year-old.

Lei Lei was born a normal size but started rapidly putting on weight after developing a ravenous appetite.

Lei Lei's favourite thing to do is to eat, his mother Cheng Qingyu said. "No matter whatever he grabs, he unconsciously puts it in his mouth."

Doctors in southern China's Hunan province are now testing the baby to see if there is a medical reason behind his weight gain.

Otters Playing with Little Girl

HAD ENOUGH TO DRINK YET?