JOKE: the New Hooker

The new hooker just finished her first trick, when she came down the street, the seasoned veterans gathered around to hear the details.

She said "Well, he was a big muscular handsome sailor."

"Well, what did he want you to do?", They all asked.

She said, "I told him a straight lay would be $100, but he didn't have that much."

Then she told him, "Oral sex would be $75, but he didn't have that much either."

"Finally I asked him, well how much money do you have?"

The sailor said, "He only had $25."

The new hooker said, "Well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand."

He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said "He pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then a second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand."

"Oh my god" they all exclaimed, "It must have been huge, then what did you do?"

"I loaned him $75!" she exclaimed.

It's Friday and I'm in the Mood..Wake Up and Boogie

VIDEO: Bird Hunted To Near Extinction Due To Infuriating 'Fuck You' Call

Watch An Elderly Woman Take Her Buick The Wrong Way On I-95

Police in Philadelphia want to speak with an elderly woman who took her Buick Century station wagon the wrong way down Interstate 95 Thursday at 50mph, causing four separate accidents. Here's amazing video of it actually happening.

A driver on the proper southbound side of I-95 managed to film the woman during her "Ronin" re-enactment, saying at one point she tried to waive him off and scuffed the concrete barricades with her faux wood paneling twice without stopping. No one was injured in the other accidents.

Fox bites off man's nose and fingers in cemetery

A Scotsman who blacked out in a village cemetery had his nose and fingers bitten off in a suspected fox attack.

The 37-year-old is recovering from his injuries at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary after the incident in the early hours of Sunday morning.

The wounded man was discovered by police at St Michael's Parish Church Cemetery, Inveresk.

A source said: "He was attacked by a fox in a cemetery near Musselburgh as he was lying unconscious. His nose was chewed and two-and-a-half fingers were bitten off. He was taken away to hospital unconscious but breathing."

It is not clear how the man, who has not been named, came to be unconscious in the cemetery.

A police spokesman said: "Lothian and Borders Police can confirm it is carrying out inquiries after a 37-year-old man was found in the Inveresk area in the early hours of Sunday, October 24, with injuries to his face and hand.

"These injuries may have been caused by animals. He is being treated for his non-life-threatening injuries at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary."

A spokesman for the ambulance service confirmed an unconscious man with facial injuries was taken to hospital from the Inveresk cemetery.

Village resident Jack Fraser said the grisly incident had shocked the community.

"People are certainly talking about it - that he had been found in the cemetery and looked like he had been punched in the face a few times. I also heard there were a few tops of his fingers missing.

"No-one I've spoken to has any idea what happened to him but when people start talking they often get the wrong idea. I just hope he recovers all right."

John Caldwell, councillor for Musselburgh and Carberry said: "I stay not far from that area and the only animals around capable of doing such a thing are the foxes."

One nearby resident, who asked not to be named, said she saw police at the scene late on Saturday night. She said: "I was walking my dog at about midnight and saw two police cars and thought they must be looking for someone."

East Lothian Council, whose landscape and countryside division tends to the cemetery, said none of its staff had knowledge of the incident and Reverend Andrew Dick, minister at the kirk where the man was found, said he had nothing to add to the facts already known.

Earlier this year a fox attacked twin baby girls while they slept in their cot at home in London. At the time, John Bryant, a pest control consultant who specialises in foxes, said such attacks were not typical fox behavior.

Rider picked up own head after horse fall causes 'hangman's break'

A fall from a horse left a woman with such a severely broken neck she was forced to pick up her own head.

Thea Maxfield, who runs a stud farm in Oxfordshire, England, suffered a "hangman's break" a clean break of the upper cervical vertebra when she fell from her dressage horse.

She tried to get out of the animal's way as it galloped around after the fall, but when she tried to pick herself up, the horrified 26-year-old found her head stayed where it was.

Realising she had to move to avoid being stomped on, Ms Maxfield cupped her hands around her own head and lifted it into place to avoid damaging her spinal cord.

"As soon as I came off the horse I knew something was wrong. I went to get up but my head stayed on the floor,'' she said.

"I couldn't move my neck or my head and I had to literally pick my head up and carry it in my hands."

After managing to stagger to safety, Maxfield, watched by her frightened mother Diane, 66, was taken to hospital.

Doctors initially warned she may be permanently paralysed.

But incredibly after using a revolutionary fixed brace connected to a computer by tiny sensors for three months to help fuse the bones back together, she is now back riding seven months after the accident.

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