JOKE: A good, clean-living atheist died

A good, clean-living atheist died and went to heaven. Saint Peter met him at the Pearly Gates. "You can't come in," he said. "You're an atheist. But you'll like Hell. You'll be with your friends." The atheist went to Hell and found beautiful green fields with people picnicking and having a wonderful time. A man in a white suit introduced himself. "Hi. I'm Satan. Welcome to Hell." "Wow," said the atheist, "this is nice! But I thought..." Suddenly, a screaming man fell from the sky, the ground opened up to reveal fire and brimstone which swallowed the falling man and then closed. Suddenly, everything was normal again. "What in the, uh, um, heck was that?" the atheist asked. Satan replied, "Oh, that? He's a Christian; they wouldn't have Hell any other way!

FINALLY WE HAVE PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF THAT BIN LADEN IS DEAD

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On the Loose..a 3 Year Old With a Blowtorch

SHENANGO TOWNSHIP, Pa. -- Police said it seems that a 3-year-old was able to operate a handheld blowtorch and set fires in his family's garage and on a neighbor's porch in Shenango Township, Lawrence County.

Firefighters were called at about 9:30 a.m. Friday to extinguish the flames.Township police said somebody reported seeing the boy walking on Route 388, carrying the blowtorch and wearing only a T-shirt.

"The torch itself in the propane tank has safety switches, and the child was able to manipulate them and turn the torch on," said Shenango Township Police Patrolman Darrin Cwynar.Police said the boy burned a porch swing, a broom, a sliding door, a deck and a knob on a septic tank and singed an igniter on a gas grill.Shenango Township Police Chief Dave Rishel said damages were estimated to be almost $5,000.

"The torch was right near the grill and the results could have been devastating, just could have been devastating," said Rishel. "Fortunately, the child was not burned in any way, shape or form. That in itself is a miracle."When police found the child and picked him up, he told them where he lived, but nobody answered the door when they went there. Eventually, they were able to contact a relative.

"When I arrived on scene with the family member, he was able to gain entry through the garage, and we found there was a large pile of objects that were smoldering. The garage was filled with smoke," said Cwynar.Police said the boy's mother was asleep in the house, exhausted after having worked a midnight shift, and the father was at work.

No charges have been filed while an investigation continues by police and the county's Children and Youth Services office.

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