JOKE: Father John's Saturday night bath

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.   Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.   The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.  

'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been saved.'   'Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun.   'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'   'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.   Sister Magdalene continued, 'And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.'   'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly.   'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.'   'That wicked old b******' said the old nun. 'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years !

GOT CAPTION? 11/3

GOT CAPTION? 11/3 v.2.0

VIDEO: Watch a police officer stop this plane with his car

John McLane's got nothing on this real Brazilian Federal Police Officer, who use his cop car to take down a plane loaded with smugglers and $150,000 of stolen electronics.

Smugglers have been flying into Paraguay, snagging stolen electronics (and a bicycle), and then flying them back to Brazil using this plane and runway. Someone tipped off the Feds in Ribeir�o Preto, Brazil who descended on the criminals with what looks like a lowly Chevy Trailblazer.

After smashing into the plane with the front of the car they were able to take down the aircraft, seize the goods, and arrest five individuals. It's a huge blow to organized crime in Brazil as it's suspected the aircraft was also being used for drug smuggling.

The cost to replace the windshield? About $300.

Landslide in Wales Leaves Mobil Home Park on the Brink of Disaster

Mobil home owners have had a lucky escape, after a landslide left their homes teetering on the edge of a cliff.

Nobody was injured at Porthkerry Leisure Park in the Vale of Glamorgan, but it has sparked concerns about the continued erosion of the coastline.

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VIDEO: Drunk, naked taxi driver smashes into 17 cars in Moscow

A drunk taxi driver was caught naked by police in Moscow following a rampage in which he smashed into 17 cars. City police became aware of Vitaly Grodi's erratic driving after he ignored a road sign and refused to stop.

The driver bumped into 17 vehicles including a police van. He also narrowly avoided hitting a school bus. The driver was finally caught by officers who were shocked to find him in nothing but his birthday suit when he emerged from his cab.

The taxi driver told police he was unhappy and had decided to get into his cab following an argument with his girlfriend. The bizarre incident was captured on camera and the footage shows that Grodi wasn't even wearing any shoes.

The video, aired on Russian TV, shows the driver being held stretched out on the ground by police men as another officer works quickly to cover the up the offender's naked flesh. The driver reportedly told police: 'I flew on the wings of love. On the eve of our anniversary said she was not ready for a serious relationship'.

God Bless the Manhole Covers

Town Hall officials have asked priests to bless all the manhole covers in their town to stop them being stolen by scrap metal thieves.

Councillors in Lodz, Poland, replaced all 4,000 of the town's manhole covers after the new ones had been blessed at a church service to keep them safe.

Town sewage department president Wlodzmierz Tomaszewski explained: "Lodz's holy patron is Saint Faustina who walked the streets helping the poor and underprivileged. "By blessing the manhole covers we are blessing the streets and spreading her goodness," he added.

But locals think the project is money down the drain. "If they think a few prayers will keep all those new manhole covers safe from thieves they need to think again. There won't be one left within a month," said one.