VIDEO: Cat Food Sandwiches - David Lindley

skip the monologue and go to 3:45..the guy is a unique musician

VIDEO: Struck The Film...different,cool,striking new video

JOKE: A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby.

He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm.

"Fancy meeting my `wife' here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room for the night."

Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only been here one night!"

"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."

Driver 91, Gets 5 Year License Very Easily..What Can Be Done About This?

John Moir

With his 91st birthday just weeks away, my father-in-law announced plans to renew his driver's license. My wife and I looked at one another in dismay. Surely, we thought, the California DMV would put the brakes on this foolishness. Instead, we received a crash course in our state's dangerously lax system for licensing older drivers.

When my father-in-law showed up at his local DMV office, he received a perfunctory vision check and a multiple-choice exam that he managed to pass on a repeat attempt.

That was it.

Despite his advanced age, no driving test was required. No medical records were checked to determine if he had a condition that might impair his driving. A DMV clerk snapped his picture, and my 91-year-old father-in-law drove away with an unrestricted license good for five years.

In granting my father-in-law full driving privileges until he was 96, the DMV licensed a man whose mental and physical abilities reflect his age. He has a serious heart condition, poor hearing and a slow reaction time.

According to the California DMV's own report on collision rates for teens and seniors - the two most at-risk groups - at age 70 the number of collisions for both men and women begin to increase. After age 80, the rise of at-fault accidents is "particularly dramatic."

Unlike teen drivers who face licensing restrictions, California does not even evaluate drivers in their 80s and beyond for declines in their mental or physical ability.

As the number of older drivers increases, California needs to require better driving evaluations. One possible model is an inexpensive and easy-to-administer assessment battery developed by the University of Michigan's Transportation Research Institute.

Currently, all a concerned family member can do to stop an impaired elderly driver is to "anonymously" petition the DMV to have a driving test administered. But this can be difficult and often thrusts loved ones into a maelstrom of high-voltage family dynamics.

In our case, my wife could not bring herself to fill out the form. It would be obvious that we had requested it, and it was certain to provoke a confrontation with her parents.

As we turned to friends and therapists for advice, we encountered an outpouring of frustration about the DMV's laissez-faire licensing practices. We heard stories of desperate family members disconnecting battery cables and hiding keys. The DMV's lack of oversight shifts the responsibility for monitoring elderly drivers to family and friends who do not have the objectivity or the authority to help senior drivers make what is often a difficult decision.

Recently, my father-in-law suffered a mild heart attack, and his doctor ordered him to stop driving. We were lucky; we found a way out before tragedy struck.

But how many stories do we need to hear about impaired older drivers making fatal misjudgments before sensible precautions are instituted?

We must end this madness. At age 91, no one should be granted an unrestricted five-year license.

Homeless man reunited with his cat

Samantha, the pug-nosed cat, and Daniel Harlan, a homeless man who owned her, were reunited Tuesday.

Harlan wept when Tom Neville, who had the missing cat for weeks, gave Samantha back.

"I thought I'd lost her for good," Harlan said.

The cat and Harlan got together again after The San Francisco Chronicle ran a story Tuesday, along with a picture, about the cat's disappearance. Neville saw it and recognized Samantha as the animal he rescued from life on the streets.

Harlan was convinced his Himalayan cat had been stolen and maybe sold for money. He searched all over for the cat and tried to file a missing cat report with the police and the SPCA, but had no luck.

As it turned out, the cat hadn't been stolen at all, only rescued. As Neville tells it, he was driving to work one rainy morning and spotted a wet and bedraggled cat tied on a leash under the freeway at a homeless encampment near Eighth and Brannan streets. Dogs were nearby and, to a stranger, the cat's situation looked desperate.

Neville said he asked around, but nobody knew anything. So he picked up the cat, put it in his car and took her to work.

Harlan said he put the cat on a leash while he went to get food at a nearby store. When he returned, Samantha - his companion for nearly four years - was gone.

Meanwhile, Neville had taken the cat under his wing. She was a mess, he said. Her hair was matted, and she had fleas and sores. He gave her a bath, fed her and gave her a warm place to sleep in his waterfront office, where he is a management assistant for a hotel chain.

The cat thrived, he said. "You should see her now," he said.

Neville was working on finding a permanent home for her, when a friend called and told him that the cat he'd rescued had its picture in the paper. Sure enough, the cat in the picture looked very much like Samantha, the homeless man's missing cat.

Neville was torn; he believed he'd given the cat a new lease on life. He didn't want to see the animal go back to the homeless life. "I wanted to do the right thing," he said.

He thought about it for hours, but then got Harlan's phone number from The Chronicle story and called. Harlan told him about his life with Samantha.

"He does love her," Neville said. "No question about it."

He invited Harlan to his office to see the cat to be sure it was Samantha.

"He cried when he saw her," Neville said.

Neville offered to buy the cat, but Harlan said he couldn't sell her. So Neville gave the cat back, along with some cat food and $40 to help out.

He also gave the cat a standing invitation to stay in his office, any night.

Harlan used the money to buy a new collar and leash for Samantha along with a cart with wheels for the cat, a sleeping bag and a few necessities.

He said he hoped he could find a place to live. Maybe a shelter would take them both in. He wasn't sure. He planned to spend Tuesday sleeping in the Transbay Terminal.

"They don't bother you too much there," he said.

Meanwhile, Harlan and the cat have become minor celebrities - their story got out on the Internet, on radio and television. He got hundreds of phone calls on his cell phone, some from faraway places like Kuwait, Germany, Korea, and Mississippi, he said. Some offered money.

"I appreciate all the help people are offering," he said. "But I can't take money. I've always tried to do stuff on my own, but it don't work most of the time."

Samantha, the cat, took a walk on her new leash, allowed herself to be petted, looked at Harlan with her startling orange-colored eyes and had no comment.

JOKE: An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. All three were dead on arrival at the emergency room. But, just as they put a toe tag on the American, he opened his eyes. The astonished doctor asked what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then a beautiful light, and suddenly the three of us stood at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter said that, since we were all so young, for $50 we could return to Earth. I pulled out my wallet, gave him a fifty and the next thing I knew I was here." "Amazing!" said one doctor. "But what happened to the other two?" The American replied, "Last I saw them, the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his!"