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Post No Bills

A council has warned residents not to attach objects to trees - in a notice attached to a tree. Islington Council said the poster in Highbury Fields, north London, had been put up "in error" by a junior worker.

It read: "Please do not attach or affix any structures or objects to the park furniture and trees at Highbury Fields including the benches and lamp posts." A council spokesman said it had now moved the notice to a nearby noticeboard. The notice, which asked residents to respect the park and be responsible, was spotted by Nadi Jahangiri, an architect who lives nearby.

He said: "A lot of people have been putting signs up on the trees about lost cats and so on with drawing pins - it really annoys me. I walked up to it to rip it down, only to find it was telling people not to attach anything to trees! He continued: "Lots of people soon gathered around laughing.

"There was lots of grumpy huffiness and indignation about our taxes being used for this. If you want to stop someone doing something, doing it yourself is an odd way to go about it - but that's Islington Council for you." A spokesman for the council said: "This was a mistake by a junior member of staff who thought they were doing the right thing to protect the trees."

Dog Sh*t Village gets new name

A town known officially as Dog Sh*t Village in western China because life there is so hard have been rewarded by local governors who have renamed the place.

The village, Goushi Zhai, in remote Guizhou province, has spent a year building new roads, improving homes and supporting local businesses and says it no longer deserves its name.

"It started as a nickname because life here was very tough but gradually it became what everyone called us, even the government and the police on their maps," explained one village elder.

Now government officials have approved a permanent name change to Jinxin Village, which means to put your heart and soul into something in Mandarin.

JOKE: An angel appears at a faculty meeting ...

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice: either infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "So be it!" says the angel and disappears. All eyes stare at the dean. Finally a colleague whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money!"

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"Oh, Mom!" sobbed the hot young blonde, her young bosom heaving in chagrin. "I'm pregnant!" "What!? Are you sure?" screamed her mother. "Who's the father?" "How should I know? You're the one who wouldn't let me go steady!"

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A man walked into a bar with an alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and my 'gator'll have a lawyer!"

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You only need to mumble a few words in a church to get married -- and a few more in your sleep to get divorced!

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