JOKE: Two Rednecks Are Drinking Beer

Two Rednecks, Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Larry turns to Doug and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes.'

Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Larry says. 'What's that?'

The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'

'Yeah.'

'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.'

'That's true, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do have a house.'

'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'

'Yes, I have a family.

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic? ' Doug says, 'What's that?'

Larry says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'

'No.'

'Then you're a queer.'

VIDEO: And Now For Something Totally Different

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Villager disrupts nude photo shoot

A naked photo shoot in China was disrupted when an outraged local villager began attacking photographers.

The 20-year-old model and more than 10 photographers descended on the Shenxiandong Forestry Park in central China's Henan province to shoot a series of arty nude pictures.

They were accidentally discovered by a local villager who quickly informed other residents to come and look.

Unsurprisingly it wasn't long before a group of male 'art' lovers had gathered at the scene to watch.

However, their wives were not so appreciative and were quick to scold their errant husbands and send them home.

Then several hours into the photo shoot a local pensioner, armed with a tree branch, made his disapproval clear when he attacked the photographers.

The man, Shen Guoxian, 60, said: "These people are here to shoot naked pictures, which is too dirty and polluting to the environment. It damaged the family bonds in the village."

However, one of the photographers involved complained that the villagers were "too narrow-minded".

Another added: "Body art is a high-end art. The human body is the most beautiful work of mother nature."

Park manager Wu Guangwei said: "They, as tourists, have bought tickets and have the right to take pictures. It's hard to us to balance the two ends; the villagers and the artists

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Billionaire 'Gaga' for pop star

A Russian billionaire reportedly paid Lady Gaga a million dollars for a fleeting bit part in her new video.

The mega-wealthy businessman - identified only as Arkady by Moscow's Life.ru news website - appears wearing an SS-style leather coat and cap in the scene in Alejandro, Lady Gaga's new single.

"Yes it was me in the clip but I can't give further details," he told the news organisation.

During the scene Arkady is seen staring moodily at Lady Gaga before hurling off his cap and moving in to get closer to her.

The Russian was described by the news website as Lady Gaga's "biggest fan".

In the report Lady Gaga's management reportedly praised the Russian man's acting skills even though he did not have a professional modelling or acting background.

They said the shooting took place in Thailand and the 30-year-old Russian had performed flawlessly.

The 30-year-old added: "I was pleased with how it turned out - maybe I am in the wrong job

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Gruesome find for airport workers

Airport workers who noticed a package was not labelled properly were shocked to discover a shipment of 40 to 60 human heads.

Employees at Southwest Airlines discovered the clumsily duct-taped containers of heads in Little Rock, Arkansas.

After they reported their grim discovery to police, the heads were turned over to the local coroner, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Further investigation revealed the heads were being shipped to be used by neurosurgeons to study ear, nose and throat procedures.

Pulaski County Coroner Garland Camper said: "They were basically in plastic containers with lids that are not air sealed.

"They were duct taped with minimal information to disclose what was inside."

The heads were on their way to medical company Medtronic Inc in Fort Worth, Texas, which had ordered them for research.

A company spokesman said it was not uncommon for heads used for research to be shipped commercially, adding: "It's a common practice. This is a very uncommon result."

Tina the Tree Climbing Dog

A pet dog has become a local celebrity in China for her ability to climb trees.

Owner Wu Jiang, of Yubei district, Chongqing, trained his pet, Tina, to climb by putting her toys in tree branches.

He says Tina, a purebred Belgian shepherd, loves climbing and can go higher than 10ft.

On her owner's command, Tina jumps up the tree, using her front legs to grab the trunk and her hind legs to push up.

She will climb up to her toy, grab it with her teeth and then jump back down, reports the Chongqing Evening Post.

Wu said: "I started to train her to climb when she was six weeks old by putting her favorite toys in trees.

"She would scramble up to get them so I kept putting the toys higher and higher to develop her climbing skills."

VIDEO: Lucky boy's 'miracle' escape

Buy a Burger--Get Porn for Free

Two English teenage 'entrepreneurs' have been arrested for selling burgers and beer - with free porn DVDs - from a caravan near clubs and bars.

They allegedly screened porn movies onto a nearby wall to attract custom to their unlicensed venture in Driffield, East Yorkshire.

The pair even had a Facebook page - Driffield Porn Burger Caravan Lads for Junior Apprentice 2011 - set up in their 'honour'.

Customers were allegedly given a free porn DVD if they spent more than �5 on food and drink, reports the Driffield Times.

But the offer was spotted by outraged locals who alerted police and two men were arrested following an undercover operation.

Police also seized their caravan which was parked on an access road in the centre of the market town, close to clubs and bars.

Sgt David Jenkins said: "We received complaints that free porn DVDs were being offered to everyone who spent �5 or more on beer and burgers.

"Undercover officers made test purchases and found this to be true before Saturday night's operation when the caravan was seized.

"It was inevitable that we would have to take some action along with our colleagues from licensing, the food standards agency and trading standards.

"Enquiries are ongoing and there are decisions to be made as to the fate of the van and the entrepreneurs."

Naked funeral director loses license

Ohio is shutting down a mortuary in Findlay whose funeral director walked around naked or partially clothed in public areas, regulatory officials say. The Ohio Board of Embalmers and Funeral Directors charges the Routson Funeral Chapel "presents a danger of immediate and serious harm to the public."

A report by the board found a number of violations at the facility, including mishandling of a corpse, operating an unsanitary embalming area and misappropriating funds.

Director Gregory J. Routson was accused of intoxication and drug addiction, unprofessional behaviour and appearing naked or partially clothed during business hours in public areas of the funeral home.

The board suspended Routson's license and ordered him to stop embalming and directing funerals. Routson has the right to request a hearing on the matter but he must do so within 30 days.