JOKE: The Bagpiper

As a bagpiper, I have played many different gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. The man had no family or friends, and so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt bad, and apologized to the men for being late. I then went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently I’m still lost…

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JOKE: Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding

A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding, meet with their Mullah for counseling.   The Mullah asks if they have any last questions  before they leave.   Ahmed asks, "We realize it's tradition in Islam for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception, we'd like your permission to dance together."  

"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."  

"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?" 

"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden in Islam."  

"Well, okay," says Ahmed, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?" 

"Of course!" replies the Mullah, "Allah Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex is OK within marriage, to have children!"  

"What about different positions?" asks the man.  

"Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem)," says the Mullah.   "Woman on top?" Ahmed asks.  

"Sure," says the Mullah. "Allah Akbar. Go for it!" 

"Doggy style?" 

"Sure! Allah Akbar!"  

"On the kitchen table?"  

"Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!"   "Can I do it with all my four wives together on  rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"  

"You may indeed. Allah Akbar!"   "Can we do it standing up?"  

"No, absolutely not!" says the Mullah."  

"Why not?" asks the man.  

"Because that could lead to dancing!"

GOT CAPTION? 11/1

GOT CAPTION? 11/1 v.2.0

VIDEO: Kayaking with Redondo Beach Blue Whales